Someone asked me recently what submission means to me and I have my usual answer of ”it’s just the way I am, it’s my natural state”. I sometimes go into more detail about how I struggled with it for a long time and just wanted to be a “normal” girl and all of that stuff I’ve talked about on here before but it’s been a while since I’ve actually thought about this, what it means to me to be a submissive.
Even after putting some more thought into it my stock answer still holds up for the most part. Like being gay, straight, trans, non-binary, etc, etc, etc being submissive isn’t a choice, or I don’t believe it is anyway. I believe it is something that is hard wired into you and it was certainly that way for me, trust me when I say I made great efforts to escape it and, happily, failed.
What I haven’t often talked about and I don’t recall ever writing about on my blog is how the act of submitting feels in the moment. It’s a feeling that I genuinely live for and the reason that all those escape attempts failed, like a heroin addict coming back for that amazing high I am a submission addict.
If you think about it, and I mean really think about it, do you ever let your body entirely relax except for when you are unconscious? I don’t know a great deal about the biology of the human body beyond owning one (I also own a car and know nothing about those!) but I don’t think there is any time in my vanilla life where I am not in some way tensing parts of my body in order to sit a certain way, stand a certain way, walk a certain way. Even when relaxing on a sofa there is still tension in your body, I think that is how all bodies work?
There are occasions in my vanilla life where I have consciously made an effort to let all tension out of my body while lying down and just let it be and it feels really good to do that, but nothing compared with how I feel when I physically submit to another person
In that moment when I have ceded control to the other I feel a sense of peace and relaxation that I’ve never felt in any other situation. Actually now I think about it there is a small element of the same thing when I’m getting my hair cut, getting a piercing or tattoo or going for a doctors appointment where they need to touch you. I guess it’s related to giving control of yourself to them even if, like with the examples above, in a non-sexual way.
When it is in a more intimate setting though the sensations are multiplied dramatically. Standing before Fiona having no idea what she is going to do with me but also knowing she can do whatever she wants with me is such a hard to describe but heady feeling, it puts me in a sort of trance state where all of my senses are heightened and enhanced and all tension bleeds from my body.
The difference between a session when I feel this and one where I don’t is black and white, night and day. This is by no means a feeling I’ve had during every D/s encounter in my life and there have been plenty of sessions with Dominants in the past that I have thoroughly enjoyed without feeling it, but none of them beat the times that I did.
It is a feeling of intense care free well being and contentment and when I feel it I never want to stop feeling it, which of course I always did after the session but with Mistress it is different. The feeling is always there with her, not like it is in an intimate moment but every time I am with her, get a call or message from her or even just think about her I immediately feel it and that is the best thing in the world to me and why I know she is the one for me. My mind are hers at a subconscious level so it only makes sense for me to give my body to her at a conscious one.
What does submission mean to me? Everything
This is kind of rambling post where I’ve just vomited out the thoughts I’ve been having on the subject so apologies for that but I thought maybe you’d find it interesting. I’d very much enjoy any comments from other submissives if they feel something similar and from Dominants or Switches on whether they have an equivalent. I think it would be an interesting conversation.
Speaking of conversation my other site The Fet Library now has a free Discord server where people chat about stories and kink and Halo (😊)! If you’d like to join in just click this link, I’m trying to build a little community of like minded people there x
On occasion Mistress Fiona and I will have a long weekend away somewhere in the UK just for a little break. Obviously that hasn’t been possible so much int he last couple of years but as things are starting to return back to normal we booked an impromptu weekend in sunny Manchester (spoiler: it wasn’t sunny!).
On Friday morning we packed our bags and then as we were about to leave Mistress produced a beautiful polished titanium eternity collar. She had me kneel at her feet as she closed the continuous metal ring around my neck and locked it, making a point of leaving the “key” on the side at home before leading me out of the house.
Titanium Eternity Collar
Even though I wear a collar of some sort all of the time (it can range from a strict leather posture collar to a simple necklace) it was a little daunting realising that I would be wearing this solid metal one all weekend. To some people I guess it could look like a very heavy necklace but really it is quite clearly a collar.
The journey to Manchester, via London, was fairly uneventful. In fact as far as this blog is concerned it was entirely dull! We arrived in Manchester and headed to our hotel which was really lovely (see the cover image).
After unpacking our clothes and making ourselves at home we headed into the city centre to do a bit of shopping (Mistress bought a lovely hat and dress from Ted Baker!) and went for a delicious meal at a Lebanese restaurant. I think that might be the first time I’ve had Lebanese food but it definitely won’t be the last!
After the meal we walked back to the hotel. As soon as we were in the room Fiona undressed me, leaving my coat, dress and underwear in a pool around my feet, and then led me over to the bed. Mistress often likes to have me naked whilst she is fully or mostly dressed and I love it too, it very much puts me in the right headspace as a submissive, I guess psychologically it’s a power exchange things but I don’t feel the need to analyse it too much, we both just enjoy it.
Anyway she then pulled out a black dildo gag which looked kind of like a short double ended dildo with a ball gag type strap towards one end. She moved the gag to my mouth and I obediently opened and took the three inches of so of silicone cock into my mouth and then she pulled the strap around my head and buckled it. It was surprisingly comfortable to wear because the parts that pulled into the sides of my mouth were also soft silicone so even when tightly strapped it didn’t hurt
I watched Mistress pull down and step out of her underwear and then she pulled me to my feet by my new face cock and pushed me backwards onto the bed by it, following me onto it and straddling me as she moved up my body. She gripped my wrists and moved then above my head in one movement and then pinned them there with her knees as she straddled my head.
It’s kind of hard to explain this retrospectively but Mistress is very commanding and I organically know where she wants me to be and it is not in any way awkward even when she is putting me into a specific position, I just kind of end up where she wants me.
My world was suddenly shrunk to only include my owners pussy as she slid onto the dildo protruding from my face and her skirt covered my head casting me into complete darkness.
I really have no idea how long passed but it felt like a long time, well over half an hour if I had to guess. During that time she fucked the dildo and ground her pussy into my face whilst (as I found out later) she watched videos of some of our S&M sessions. On more than one occasion her pussy was pushed into my nose but she knew what she was doing and I always got to breathe in the scent of her arousal again, eventually.
When she finally let me free we fucked vigorously and I fell asleep in her arms with her dried juices coating my face.
After a lie-in in a wonderfully comfortable bed we got up and went down for breakfast before returning to the room for a shower. Once Mistress had finished I went for my own shower ensuring I was properly clean inside and out as always.
When I emerged from the (admittedly quite long shower) I found Mistress fully dressed and ready to leave. I panicked a little thinking I was about to get in trouble for keeping her waiting but she smiled a smile that I know all too well and my heart sank and did somersaults all at the same time, a feeling only my wife can create in me!
I was led to a the end of the bed which was sort of a thoroughfare between the bed and the TV/desk area. I was placed on my knees and then bent forward with my arms above my head so that my bum was raised up a little. It is known as the “humble” position as in the picture although my ass was lower down and my knees further forward and spread wider which had the effect of parting my lips and cheeks exposing my holes. I was then blindfolded and told not to move before I heard the door open and then close again.
This is a position I find extremely humiliating and am also quite familiar with, Mistress regularly has me assume it often for long periods of time. The longest I have held it for was five hours during which a party started and ended and I served as a mere ornament. I wore ear plus the whole time and was trapped in my own head wondering who was observing me, photographing me, visually violating the most intimate parts of my body and only towards the end did this give way to the struggle simple to be Mistress’ ornament. It was an experience that stayed with me and while I still find the position very humiliating, especially when I know people other than Mistress can see me, but when it is just us, I can now find a fairly profound (if horny) and dare I say humble peace holding it for her.
What I didn’t know at the time but do know now is that when Fiona left the room she hung the “Make Up Room” sign on the door handle! Attached to the sign was a post it note which said (and I quote!):
To housekeeping, my wife is in this room in a state of undress that you may find offensive. If you think you will do so then please come back after midday when neither of us will be in the room. However if you choose to enter and make up the room whilst ignoring her you will find a generous gratuity on the desk for the inconvenience and discretion. Kind regards, Mistress Fiona.
The ultimate test of my submission to Mistress is always the times when in a moment my body and often mind is screaming at me to move or stop but through a combination of my willpower and need to please her I don’t. This could be holding a position while she brings the cane down one more time on my welted ass, pushing a needle through my own tongue or staying perfectly still when the hotel room door opens to a view of my stretched open holes.
At first I thought, wished, hoped it was Fiona who had returned to the room but as I held my breath and my heart thumped in my chest I heard a little giggle that was absolutely not Mistress! The urge to cover yourself is instinctive and I’ve had to learn to supress it which is what I did at this point. My cheeks (on my face) burnt red as the humiliation washed over me but at the same time my nipples were hardening and my extremely exposed pussy was warming and dampening.
As I listened to her cleaning up the bathroom I wondered if she had left the door open as maids often do, I couldn’t remember if I’d heard it close behind her and I knew if it was open any passer by could look in and see.
The deep burning humiliation intensified as she finished in the bathroom and proceeded to remake the bed. Moving around it purposefully but stepping past me more times than I would have thought necessary and close enough that I could feel the hem of her skin brushing against my naked skin. Each time it happened the sensation was heightened by my situation and it felt intense.
After what felt like an eternity but was likely no more than ten minutes the activity stopped, I heard some scratching and then I jumped a little as I felt her touch me on my lower back just above my ass crack. Then the door opened and closed (at this point I realised that at least I hadn’t been exposed to the corridor the whole time) and I was alone again with my thoughts and my very wet pussy!
While I was waiting I realised that she had left something on me but as I wasn’t allowed to move I had no way of knowing what it was. When Mistress returned she took a photo and showed me the post it note saying “Thank you for the tip” that had been stuck just above my ass with a chocolate placed on top of it.
Fiona said I still looked very flushed when she let me up from the floor and was very pleased with how her plan had worked out as well as how wet I was when she put her hand between my legs. I was very much hoping she would reward me but instead we left the hotel ten minutes later and the nice warm damp feeling was turned into it’s own torture by the cool autumn air.
We spent the afternoon shopping, at first we visited some very nice high end lingerie stores where Mistress chose a gorgeous and very expensive black teddy with cut outs in the side which she very graciously allowed me to buy for her. Then we went to a somewhat less high end lingerie store that could probably more accurately be described as a sex shop and picked out some underwear for me. A black lacy quarter cup bra (a bra that holds your boobs without really covering them) and a barely there g-string both made out of the cheapest material you can think of which Mistress also generously allowed me to pay for!
Mistress looked amazing in her new lingerie when we were getting ready for the evening, my underwear, if you could call it that, was…..unfortunate to say the least! The gave me a bit of cleavage but not much else and was generally uncomfortable, the g-string (basically a tiny strip of material that ran around my waist, down between my ass cheeks and between my lips ending in about an inch triangle of material) was very uncomfortable. It was so tight that it looked like it disappeared into my pussy and then magically reappeared at the top of my ass cheeks!
The meal out was lovely but uneventful aside from me feeling very self conscious of my pieced nipples being very visible through the top of my dress. However when we got back to the hotel and entered the lift (aka elevator) Fiona pulled a dog lead (aka dog leash) from her bag and attached it to my collar as I looked at her and my cheeks pinked slightly.
The doors opened and I followed her out but she stopped and without turning to look at me said ”that’s not how dogs walk”. I obviously knew what she meant and was also conscious of where we were and how public a setting it was as well, but what could I do? I knelt and then moved to an all fours position and as soon as I did Mistress continued walking at a pace that allowed me to crawl behind her and keep some slack in the lead, only bad dogs pull on the lead!
As I crawled along the corridor with my ass in the air and my dress riding up to expose the black floss running between my cheeks and lips our room seemed much further from the lifts that it had any of the previous times we had walked to it. It’s hard to describe the feeling of doing something so very publicly humiliating knowing anyone could walk out of one of the many rooms and exit the lifts and see you like that. There is a very heady mix of excitement and fear, a lot of fear, but also for someone in my position an inevitability because while, technically, I can say no in reality that was really never an option.
Looking up at Mistress from a position of submissiveness always gives me a particular feeling that I love, it’s a feeling of contentedness and belonging I guess and crawling along an expensive hotel corridor was no different despite the other feelings I describe above. I love her so much for so many reasons but a big one is that she knows how to make me feel….me! I guess it’s weird to imagine me feeling an overwhelming love for her whilst she is putting me in such a predicament but there you go.
We eventually reached the door but rather than going straight in she had me kneel in front of it whilst she lifted my dress over my head and placed the handle of the lead in my mouth, which I gripped obediently with my teeth. I watched her evil grin as the door closed behind her and couldn’t help but let a small smile spread across my lips before I was left basically naked kneeling in a hotel corridor.
My heart went into overdrive a minute later when a door between me and lifts opened and voices emerged. I kept my eyes trained on the light emanating from the bottom of our door whilst the voices rescinded towards the lift and just hoped they didn’t look back down the corridor, whether they did or not I’ll never know.
When the door opened again several minutes later Mistress was wearing just her new lingerie and after gently taking the lead’s handle from my mouth led me into the room. I’m going to keep what happened after that private but suffice to say that scissoring from a long time whilst only one of you is allowed to cum (and it’s not you) is physically and mentally exhausting. I fell asleep wet, horny and physically unsatisfied but very happy to have satiated my owner.
The next day after breakfast we had to pack and vacate the room but just before we did Mistress had me lean on a chair whilst she slid my knickers off and pushed a heavy metal plug into my ass. I didn’t know which plug it was at the time (we have many!) but this particular one says “OWNED BY MISTRESS FIONA” in pink letters on a black background on it’s head, I guess so that anyone who sees it knows who my asshole belongs to!
The Manchester Bee
We had a great time in Manchester, it is a lovely city that we found we really liked, load of nice bars and restaurants and our hotel was perfect. We did some fun play some of which we wouldn’t feel as comfortable doing closer to home and generally had a good time.
The only thing that took the shine off a little was at Piccadilly train station, Mistress saw a guy staring at me (which, btw guys, is sexual harassment in itself) and decided to possessively kiss me to let him know who I belonged to (clearly he hadn’t seen my plug!), his response to this was to shout “Fucking dykes” at us, which was as unpleasant as it sounds.
Sorry I’ve not written in a little while, it’s been a busy time and it will likely be this way, periods of consistent writing and then gaps when I get busy at work or with Mistress. It’s better than nothing though right?
I have though finally managed to finish a story I’ve been thinking about for a while. It’s actually a sequel to a story I wrote years ago called “The Geek Slave” (terrible title I know!) and pretty much carries on from the cliffhanger that I intentionally left on that story.
Head over to The Fet Library to read the story and don’t forget to let me know what you think of it in the comments. You could also check out some of the other content from the other great authors that have content there.
There is something that I have eluded to before on this blog but have never really talked about in detail and I feel like it is time to be open about it.
For years, since before I was with Fiona or even some of the other partners I’ve talked about, there has been a guy on and off in my life. I’ve spent many hours playing with him and he has brought me a great deal of enjoyment and pleasure, he’s even helped me feel better when I’ve been at some of my lowest moments, he gives me a guilty spark.
His name is John and he’s kind of a strong and silent type but is also very funny in a dry sort of way and has a presence about him that you could only call powerful and dominant, it’s definitely his personality that attracts me to him, well that and his deep and powerful voice. When we play together I feel excitement, exhilaration and despite some extremely frustrating moments there is always satisfaction in the end and I’m left wanting more.
Fiona doesn’t see the attraction at all and has sometimes limited my contact with him but she knows how much it means to me and in the end always allows me time with him, especially when I am stressed or need to let off some steam and just be “normal”.
For most of the time I’ve known him we haven’t played alone, he has a partner that used to play with us too but a few years ago she went her own way and I’m not sure what is going on with them now. Apparently they are getting together again later in the year so we’ll have to see where that goes but it’s not looking promising. I always thought they really cared for each other, she was always in his head but she often seemed blue and then the last few times we played she seemed to have gone a bit power mad and as far as I know they haven’t seen each other much since then.
Instead he started to bring a few other friends to our play sessions, another guy called Fred and then there are Linda and Kelly but John is always the one in charge and most of the time they do their own thing and it’s just me and John playing together. I wasn’t sure about it at first but enjoyed those sessions a lot although I definitely miss the days when it was just me, John, her and our Covenant.
The reason I am talking about this now is that I haven’t had any new sessions with John for a more than 117 days, more than 343 in fact. We were supposed to get together at the end of last year but because of covid that didn’t happen and instead it’s going to be around November time this year and I am very excited for it, apparently he has a new version of her in the picture. Mistress has allowed me a few days to just dive in and really invest some time in seeing how things are after all this time.
I don’t mind so much if Blue Team are along for the ride, but I’d really love to see John and Cortana reunited, fingers crossed!
I started writing a different post but I got half way through and then got distracted for a couple of days I now I’m finding it difficult to get back into it so I’m just going to tell you about an embarrassing experience I had a while ago, before lockdown.
It was about six month after I’d got married and I’d arranged to go for a meal with my sister. For those of you that don’t know my sister became aware of my lifestyle with Fiona and subsequently began to explore her own Dominant feelings with some guidance from my Mistress and a the time was seeing a submissive guy but that’s not relevant to this story.
I had got ready and my sister had arrived to pick me up and was waiting in the taxi, I was saying goodbye to Miss when she got a glint in her eye then disappeared and reappeared ordering me to lean over the arm of the sofa. I was wearing a little black dress and full underwear, Mistress lifted my dress up, pushed the crotch of my underwear aside and pushed something into my embarrassingly but predictably wet pussy before replacing my underwear and standing me back up.
Turning to look at her I rolled my eyes (yes I know..!) and as she went to kiss me she jerked my head back by my hair until it was hurting my neck and scalp then kissed me with enough passion to make my knees weak and then whispered “Don’t roll your eyes at me sweety” before turning and walking upstairs.
I was pretty sure I knew what she’d put in me, I could feel the tail of the lush vibe protruding from my hole as I walked to the taxi and got in. Strangely enough though by the time we reached the restaurant I had almost forgotten that while Mistress wasn’t physically with me, she’d manage to retain physical control of my pussy!
It wasn’t until about half way through the main course that I began to feel the stirrings of sensation inside me, it was only very light and subtle but I am very attuned to such feelings given that I had, and still have, been edged almost every day of my married life.
The vibrations grew extremely slowly to the point that I didn’t really notice them getting stronger but every so often I would realise that my arousal had moved up a notch on the horny-o-meter! About half an hour after I’d first felt something my sister noticed.
I’d become fidgety, uncrossing and re-crossing my legs, my breathing was slightly heavier and I could feel my cheeks pinking. She said “Are you ok? You look flushed”, I looked at her and my subconscious completely betrayed me by turning my cheeks bright red and telling my teeth to bite my lip. The realisation on my sister’s face as her eyes went wide and she said “OH MY GOD!” was mortifying!
I couldn’t say anything, partially through embarrassment and partially because it’s hard to form coherent thoughts when you’re being brought close to orgasm in the middle of a restaurant, as she pulled out her phone and started texting.
I didn’t know at the time and I can’t remember the exact messages put I read it later and the conversation went something like this:
Sister: Are you making Lois cum when she’s out for dinner with me?!
Fiona: mmhmm
Sister: wtf?
Fiona: {shugging emoji}
Sister: Get it over with so we can have a normal conversation!
Fiona: ok but film her and send it to me, I’m bored
Sister: {rolling eyes emoji}
…
Sister: {video attachment}
Fiona: ty {smiley emoji} Enjoy your night x
I realised what was happening when I saw her clearly filming me and the vibrations start to pulse and I buried my face in my hands and said, I remember this clear, “oh my god as if!”. I had been intending excusing myself to go to the bathroom, compose myself and cum if that’s what Mistress wanted but it was now clear she had other plans and I bit down on my knuckle as the sensations overwhelmed my ability to keep my orgasm at bay and I focused all of my attention on keeping silent as my body tensed up and I squeezed my legs and my eyes together..
It wasn’t a great orgasm, when every fibre of your being is trying not to do it it kind of feels a bit like a ruined orgasm where you cum but you don’t really get the release or the pleasure from it. After twenty seconds after I came the vibrations stopped (to the day I have no idea how she knew I’d cum) and about thirty seconds after that I looked up at my sister who was just looking at me with a smirk on her face. I said “I need the loo” and she just looked disapprovingly at me and said “mmhmm”.
I returned to the table five minutes later, feeling extremely horny, still flushed but a lot more composed, also having text Fi to thank her for my orgasm. My sister and I didn’t talk about it, we just carried on as if it hadn’t happened, I still have no idea what her thoughts were about watching her sister orgasm, it sure as hell was weird and humiliating for me!
When I got home several hours later I had amazing sex with Mistress and this time the orgasm was mind blowing.
For much of my youth I was extremely sure about my sexuality, while I held no prejudice against any other sexuality I considered myself to be completely straight right up until I was confronted with the fact, or rather that I acknowledged the fact, that I wasn’t.
In the very first post on this blog, which is actually a post from 2006 that I recovered from a previous (now deleted) blog, I talk about how I am straight but that I like playing with Dominant women because I find it humiliating to be used by another woman. By the next recovered post from 2008 I was coming to the end of my first real D/s relationship with a woman.
The years in between, my early twenties, were very confusing for me as I began to look more deeply at myself and tried to better understand the things I was feeling. The fact I enjoyed the sexual activity I had with non-females but that there was no emotional connection for me, the exact opposite to the narrative I had always written for myself. I began to understand how I naturally separate the physical and emotional elements of sex and most of all began to really understand and accept that I was different.
At the time I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about this and my blog was really an amazing resource for me to pour out my feelings and thoughts and to get feedback from likeminded people, I had nothing like that in my real life not least because I was (and still am to a degree) very private about this side of my life.
There have been times in my life when I have been suicidal just because I am who I am and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone. I think it is wonderful that things like Pride month exist now and that people of all gender identities and sexualities can be more open about who they are and be accepted, I hope this move towards openness and acceptance continues and grows.
It’s because of the changes in the world, as well as the support of a loving partner, that I was able to come out to my family and friends that I am queer, something that I never thought I’d be able to do. And even go as far as to reveal the true nature of mine and Fiona’s relationship to my sister and some close friends.
It took a long time but I am genuinely proud of who I am, how I choose to live my life and who I choose to share it with so I thought this would be a good post to write during Pride Month.
In other happy news, I’ve managed to retrieve my domain and get my blog back to where it’s supposed to be!
There are a number of holes in my body beyond the obvious three so I thought I’d write about them all and how my Mistress sees fit to put them to good use! I’ll start with the ones I was born with and then talk about the after market ones that Fi decided my body needed.
Beyond my dietary and communication needs my mouth is there to service Mistress however she wants, I’ve used it to give her direct pleasure on pretty much every inch of her body at one time or another, some more than others! She also uses it to clean up messes and spills as well as her personal toilet when the mood takes her. I remember one time she spilt a load of soy sauce on the floor and had me clean it up “manually”. I hadn’t cleaned the floor in a few days and it was horrible to lick up pure soy anyway, I really did not enjoy that! Mistress is also not shy about using my extensive oral skills on other people either as I’ve written about before.
My pussy is used for pleasure, either mine or somebody else’s and it does it fairly well even if I do say so myself! It’s had a multitude of different things pushed into it, whether its a strap-on, a dildo, a vibe, a vegetable, a flesh and blood cock or something more adventurous it’s probably been in my pussy and someone has got some enjoyment out of it. Similarly my ass has been well used over the years and has had various items introduced to it, most notably a 52cm long toy which I managed (eventually) to take fully inside me.
So on to the holes that I wasn’t born with but Mistress decided I should have anyway. Actually, the first wasn’t Mistress at all, both my ears are pierced but I had those done myself a long time ago. They’ve never been used for play and while I don’t always wear earrings in them I do fairly regularly.
Then there is my septum, I’ve had this pierced for a few years now and most of the time I wear a simple clear acrylic retainer in it which is completely invisible when turned upwards. The only time something else is in it is when Mistress decides to “use” it which makes it very much a practical thing that Mistress wanted to have done to me. Over the first year she increased the size of the hole to 6g (about 4mm) which was big enough for anything she wanted to do with it. She has different sized rings that she will put in the piercing, from one that is tight around my nose to one that hangs to the bottom of my chin. She also has a dog leash that she often clips into it so she can lead me around and “control me”, also on more than one occasion she has attached me to an object or another person with a padlock through it. I’ve spent time with my septum piercing locked to both the clit hood and cock head piercings of complete strangers.
My nipples were modified and pierced by mutual agreement although by the time it was done my agreement was most certainly not needed. For those that don’t already know my nipples have been tattooed around my areola in the same colour to make them into a heart shape, there are photos of this on other posts. My nipples were also pierced and those piercings have now been stretched to 10g (about 3mm) and contain rings that, when closed using a special “key” that Mistress holds, cannot be opened. They look like a continuous metal ring and we really like them, plus they are useful for Mistress to hang things from or use in bondage (now they are fully healed and can take some abuse) and have the added bonus that my nipples are hard and sensitive 100% of the time!
And for right now, that is it! As people who’ve been reading longer will know I did at one point have a clit piercing that ended up getting torn and I have had various temporary holes put in my pussy lips, tits and tongue but they were all allowed to heal up so that they could get new holes put in them another time!
If you’ve visited the site you’ll see that I’ve started to make some changes to it to bring it a little more up to date, it’s still a work in progress so bare with me but one of the things I wanted to do was give it a title, and I decided upon “Learning from My Mistakes” because a lot of the stories I seem to write about are the result of me doing something silly or being punished for doing something I should, as demonstrated in my last two posts!
I felt the title fit quite well and was something a bit more interesting than just “Pain Slut Lois” like it has been for the last (oh god!) 15 years of my blog! Are you sure you want more of this rambling nonsense?
Often times it is my mouth that gets me in the most trouble. A good example would be… I’m not sure, a while ago when Fi had brought home a friend and a couple of bottles of wine to go with the meal I’d made for us one Friday night. I took one sip and blurted out “That tastes like piss!”, I know I know, sometimes I have impulse control issues but in my defence it was pretty dodgy wine and it wasn’t entirely cold.
I knew I’d messed up from the look Miss gave me, it was the kind of look that most people would dismiss as a quick glance with maybe a hint of surprise mixed in there but that I know means “Well you’ll be paying for that later!” and my cheeks pinkened. To be honest the lok was unnecessary, I knew as soon as I’d said it that it was a mistake and Mistress knew that I knew that but she does love to make me squirm.
And squirm I did, for the rest of the evening I was distracted wondering what the consequences of my outburst would be. Fi has a way of administering something that in another scenario I might quite enjoy, such as a spanking or caning, in a way that really makes it feel like a punishment. A lack of warm up, the sharp suddenness of her actions, there are a hundred subtle changes she makes that makes it feel like I am being punished and makes it an unpleasant experience rather than a fun one.
As it turned out the punishment wouldn’t have been fun no matter how she shaped it for me. Appropriately considering my outburst I would be drinking her piss for a week, and not just any piss, her morning piss
She explained that this would a) remind me what piss tastes like so that I wouldn’t confuse her wine with it in future and b) make my mouth taste as foul as it sounded. I have to admit she does have a good knack for making the punishment fit the crime!
So every day for the next week I’d find a pint glass, yes a pint glass, filled with fairly dark yellow liquid sitting on the toilet seat after Fi had finished getting herself ready for the day and I’d kneel in front of the toilet, take the glass in my hand and slowly drain the very strong tasting urine down my throat being careful not to spill any as I was inevitably wearing a suit or something for work.
Mistress never watched me do it, it wasn’t a scene or a play session, I merely showed her the empty glass afterwards so she could confirm she was happy I’d completed my punishment that day and then we went on with our day. The only difference that week is that she refrained from giving me a goodbye kiss as we both left for work given I wasn’t allowed to rinse my mouth afterwards and, as he put it, “I have no interest in knowing what piss tastes like”.
For those that are not educated in such matters, no wine, no matter how bad, tastes like somebodies morning piss 🥂
Thank you so much for all of the kind words and encouragement I have received over the last couple of days both in comments and through my other means of contact (Twitter/FetLife), it has been really lovely and has meant a lot to me. So it is decided, I will dust off the old journal and get back to writing about some of the adventures I go on with Mistress Fiona.
I’ll spend some time making the site look pretty again (it’s looking very 2018 at the moment!) and in the meantime have a think about some things we have done that might make interesting reading.
Another short (although it didn’t feel like it at the time) thing I was talking about the other day was how Mistress uses my septum piercing. For those that don’t know I have my septum pierced and most of the time I have a small plastic spacer in it which I mostly don’t notice and is almost impossible to see unless you’re looing directly up my nose which I would hope most people don’t!
It gets used for various things, Mistress might attach a dog leash to it so she can lead my around by it, it’s had large and heavy rings in it that hang over my mouth and I’ve ben locked to objects (and people!) with a padlock through it.
On this occasion I’d absentmindedly pinched her bum as I walked past her and Mistress was not amused! She put a ring in my nose, cuffed my hands behind my back and then made me stand on a step while she hooked the nose ring over the clothes hook on the back of the bathroom door. The step was removed and I was left not quite able to put my feet flat on the floor for about two hours!
Ironically the only part of me that didn’t hurt when I was set free was my nose, I was so worried about ripping the ring out that I protected it at the expense of literally every other part of my body! My calves and thighs were agony, my neck was sore, my arms were aching and it took me a while to fully recover!
Suffice to say I haven’t pinched my Mistresses bum since and will certainly be keeping better control of my subconscious actions in future, unless of course I’m feeling particularly masochistic! 😈
I will update the links and everything on my blog when I sort it out but for those who have asked, you can contact me here on the comments, on twitter or on FetLife. For the latter of those please don’t send a friend request unless we have had at least one or two actual conversations! Thanks x
The last time I wrote a proper post I was about to get married and now we’ve just celebrated our two year anniversary!
And what a strange time it’s been! Fingers crossed we’re nearly done with it though, I’ve had one jab and it won’t be too long before I have my second one.
I’ve been thinking for a while that I’d quite like to get back to writing again, I’ve got no idea if anyone really looks here anymore or if it would be “successful” but I always found writing this blog fairly cathartic and very much enjoyed the back and forth in the comments and I miss that.
I was talking to a friend the other day (Slave Mila) and she encouraged me to get back into it and I told her about a little funny story that we thought might make a good post.
A few weeks ago I was reading a book when Mistress came into the room and told me to get up and follow her. I did and she lead me to the cupboard under the stairs and told me to get into the cupboard and stay there until morning!
I was kind of shocked, I wasn’t aware of having done anything to deserve a punishment but decided that rather than questioning it (and potentially getting myself in more trouble) I’d just go with it.
This cupboard is basically a dumping ground of stuff and all the floor space in it taken up with…well, stuff. I managed to get in and she immediately closed the door putting me into pitch darkness.
I just stood there for a few minutes kind of bewildered and then I tried to move some things around so I could at least sit down (I sat on a cardboard box which I later found out held a spare water thing for the coffee machine, and high I broke).
Time rolled on and I started to realise this Miss wasn’t coming back for me and I made some more space resigning myself to sleeping in the hot and cramped space.
I slept curled around the recycling bin with my head a bunch of carrier bags for a pillow (not my best idea, noisiest pillow ever!) and eventually in the morning the door opened and I found a cup of coffee writhing for me as I crawled out on all fours squinting at the bright light. I’d been in the cupboard for nearly twelve hours.
Mistress watched me crawl out from the breakfast bar with a wicked smile on her face and I joined her there. She enquired “sleep well?” and I replied “yes fine thanks, you?” (I don’t always like to give her the satisfaction!) and she just smiled.
Once I’d finished my coffee I ask “Are you going to tell me why you put me in the cupboard?”. Her reply was “No real reason, I was bored. I thought you’d come out to ask why and then I’d let you off but you didn’t so I just let you stay there.”
I realised that I hadn’t really thought about or worried about what I’d done to end up in the predicament, I’d just got on with it. I was kind of pleased with myself for that, also furious with Mistress!
This is a perfect example of how she loves to mess with me, she is the queen of the mind fuck and while I don’t always enjoy it at the time, it certainly keeps things interesting between us!
I hope you enjoyed this little insight into our married lives together tame though this tale may be. I’d love to hear from people in the comments and I’ll try and write some more soon x
Learning from my mistakes 