They may take our lives but they will never take our freedom!

I am writing this completely naked, no clothes, no underwear, no pajamas and no metal chastity belt!

After warning me that my little task would be starting any day now I have been waiting expectantly and have heard nothing. After all my complaining that should probably be a good thing but now that it’s so close the apprehension is the worse part and she is keeping me hanging on far too long now!

In the mean time I carried our a little task that someone set me and spent three days with a bell from a cat collar tied to my clit ring! I thought this would be fairly easy but the thing rings at the slightest movement. I’ve never sat so still in a three hour meeting my entire life!

I also got a summons from my man friend, he wanted to fuck my pussy before it got Locked up and as he is free to do that whenever he feels like it I obediently agreed. There was one sticking point though, he wanted me there at 5pm but I had a meeting until 5pm that day.

My punishment for being late was that after he had filled my pussy with cum and I’d pulled up my knickers because he “doesn’t want me dripping on the carpet”, a comment which made my cheeks nice and red, he had me go into his little bathroom and kneel in front of the toilet, then bend over and put my head into the bowl, then he pissed all over my hair.

When I left a minute later my hair was dripping with his urine, I went down a side street and rung it out and then tied it back, it didn’t look too bad and fortunately it didn’t really smell but I had a thorough shower as soon as I got home!

I will keep you apprised if and when Hannah gets in touch, in the mean time I update twitter when my new friend calls so if you’re interested follow me on there!

 

P.s. The title of this post is referring to my freedom from chastity and is not a comment on the D/s lifestyle which I, obviously, condone!

Fifty Shades of Lois

I know I’ve been away for a while but I am going to jump straight in where I left off and then talk about things at the end…

It was the last day of my punishment and I as I’d said in my last post I was REALLY ready for it to be over and I had definitely learned my lesson, no more lies! I’d like to say this is just for moral reasons but in actual fact it’s just not worth another week like that to keep ANYTHING from her!

Before she came round I had a long soak in the bath and did my best for everything to be clean when the belt came off, then I put on some stockings, some big heals and a nice LBD ready for her arrival. She got to my house at about 7.30pm and I was waiting for her knelt behind the door, this has become a bit of a custom now and I think she likes it so I always try to be there if I know she is coming.

When she let herself in I kept my eyes on the floor submissively and just waited, she walked straight passed me and into the bedroom, my heart was beating like crazy and I didn’t know what to do.  Eventually she came back out having left her stuff in there and she squatted in front of me, finally she used her finger under my chin to lift my head to look at her.

Before I knew what was happening her lips were on mine and she kissing me with an urgency more than anything I have felt from her before, in fact she kissed me so hard that I fell backwards onto my arms (ouch!) but she just came with me, straddling my body with her thighs and keeping her lips pressed against mine.

I pulled my arms from under me and hugged her close as we kissed for a good five minutes, eventually she pulled away and said “I missed you” and I said “Oh god I missed you so much Kay” and we kissed a bit more, I was wet again already!

I didn’t want her to ever get off but she got back up and helped me do the same, unfortunately she lead me into the lounge, not the bedroom, holding my hand and we sat together on the sofa. She said that it felt like she was punishing herself this week not being able to see me, I blushed with shame and told her how sorry I was and that it will never happen again and she just smiled at me which made me feel amazing and I knew all was forgiven.

Kayleigh went for a shower then and I sorted us out a nice food, candles, music…a really romantic meal for us both.

When she came back she was all clean and wearing a sexy little dress of her own with her hair back and bare feet, I handed her a glass of wine and we sat down.

Over dinner we talked about the week, she asked me how I liked sleeping in the cage and I told her honestly that I didn’t like it because it was very uncomfortable to sleep in but that it had got easier and I got quite a bit of sleep the night before. Then she asked about the chastity belt and I tried to keep my composure but it all just kind of came out.

I told her how crazy I’ve been feeling and how I couldn’t concentrate and have been in a terrible mood, she just found it all hilarious and was literally laughing out loud at some of the things I was telling her about, I told her it wasn’t funny but that just made her laugh more, then she started playing with the belt key between her fingers while I told her all about THAT night with the MP3 file, just thinking about that makes me frustrated!

After dinner we cuddled on the sofa for a while, me laid with my head on her knee, her running her fingers up and down the metal covering my damp pussy.

I know you love hearing about the BDSM aspects of our relationship but sometimes I just enjoy being a couple, sitting together and talking and looking into her wonderful eyes! She really is an amazing person, she has two jobs and she is putting herself through a PRINCE2 course as well as being with me. Plus she is passionate, compassionate, mature, friendly…….lovable, if somewhat short tempered on occasion! I just wanted to say that as I think people sometimes forget that we are really people, not just characters in BDSM scenes.

Anyway, after a while I couldn’t stand it anymore and begged her to take the belt off, eventually she said “OK I’ll take it off if you promise not to cum until I say so” which I obviously agreed to without even thinking about it!

I followed her into the bedroom and she told me to take off my dress, I slid it over my head and dropped it to the floor then stood and waited in just my stockings and heels. She told me to fold my arms behind my back and spread my legs which I did obediently.

You have no idea how happy it felt to hear the lock click and then feel the belt open and be removed from between my legs, I really don’t know how to describe the feeling of having it removed, the only thing I can compare it to is having a plaster cast removed, except with the relief multiplied by about a thousand!

I was desperate to look down, to see my long lost pussy again but I maintained my composure and my position whilst she removed the belt and laid it on the floor. She then ran a single finger gentle up the length of my slit and I gasped and I swear I almost came just from the sensation as her finger started my clit tag swaying.

She told me to get on my knees and as I obeyed she went over to my dresser and returned with a paddle brush, like you (probably) I assumed I was in for a spanking but instead she knelt down behind me and began to brush my hair pulling it back tightly, then she said “play with yourself”.

I hesitated, unsure if I had heard her correctly, then I got a sharp stinging slap on my ass with the back of the brush so I moved one hand from behind my back and tentatively ran it down my pubic mound until I touched my engorged clit and gasped. My clit was much larger than I remembered it, swollen and massively sensitive.

I touched it again and it felt like nothing I can describe, the sensation was like an electric current passed between my finger and clitoris and I had to pull it away immediately for fear I might cum involuntarily. As soon as I pulled my finger away I felt the back of the brush impact my other ass cheek and her voice came over my shoulder saying “play with yourself NOW”, she was trying to sound threatening but I could hear the smile in her voice.

I skipped past my clit and ran my fingers down my slit, I was soaking wet when I found my hole and quickly pushed two fingers into myself using all of my self control to obey my orders and then began to very slowly thrust them in and out.

I didn’t notice when she stopped brushing my hair but I did notice when she reached underneath me from behind and my fingers froze inside me as she pushed one of hers into me along side them.  I moaned loudly and the words “Oooohh please” escaped my lips as I struggled to contain myself to which she replied with “Don’t” and quickly pulled her finger back out of me.

She got up and walked around me towards the closet but as she did she looked back over her shoulder, a big grin on her face, and said “Carry on”. I closed my eyes and continued to finger fuck myself very slowly so as not to cum despite being hornier than I’ve ever been in my life.

When she came out of the closet she was sucking the finger than had been inside me and she looked so sexy, she was carrying two pairs of handcuffs and a riding crop. She reached me and held out the cuffs saying “On the bed, on your back, wrists to ankles” which a big happy smile on her face.

I looked up at her, flushed and horny, took my fingers out of myself and reached up to take the cuffs but she pulled them back and said “Clean your fingers! Dirty Girl!” as if she was talking to a child.  I blushes and then looked her straight in the eye as I placed my wet fingers in my mouth and sucked on them filling my mouth with the taste of my pussy.

With my fingers clean I climbed onto the bed positioning myself knelt near the bottom of it, then I laid back so my legs were bent underneath me. Kayleigh watched as I attached the cuffs to my ankles and then reach down and attach one to my wrist, I struggled with the other so she helped me finish restraining myself.

Being restrained like that feels very submissive, I have to spread my legs and bow my body and it feels and looks like I am presenting myself to her and it feels amazing! I think she is quite fond of it too!

As I lay there she slid her dress over her head and she was naked beneath it, my eyes drank in her sexy smooth skin remembering the curves of her body that I had missed more than I realised over the previous week. She picked the crop back up and began running it over my body, every now and then giving me a little smack with it.

She ran the tip of the crop over every part of my body and then finally let it rest of my clit, my eyes were closed and I was biting my lip so hard trying to contain myself, she moved the handle so that the crop was balanced on my stomach with the leather tip still resting on my swollen clitoris and told me to keep still.

She climbed onto the bed and straddled my head facing the bottom of the bed, her legs were spread wide and her sweet pussy was just inches from my face. She took my nipples between her fingers and began to roll them and pinch them as she gave me my orders, “You’re going to make me come with your tongue and when you do I will signal you to come to.” and with that she lowered her pussy onto my hungry mouth.

My mind was spinning a little, she was pulling and twisting my nipples and it was driving me wild and I had only been half listening to my orders! I didn’t have to much time to think about it though as my tongue went to work circling her clit and then plunging into her tasting her for the first time in too long.

She was wet, very wet, and I could feel her juices coating my face as I pleasured her and it just made me more horny. I could hear her moaning and suddenly she let go of my nipples and her body pushed down harder on my face and I realised I couldn’t breathe and then the crop smacked my clit so hard and I screamed and came all at the same time and my mind when somewhere completely new and I was in a total daze.

I didn’t pass out but I was completely out of it and when I started to come to Kayleigh was no longer on top of me, she was laying beside my with a slightly concerned look on her face.  The cuffs were still on my wrists but they weren’t attached to my ankles anymore and my legs were stretched out below me.  Kayleigh was stroking my hair and as I focused on her she said “Are you Ok baby?” and I slowly nodded my head.

It was a totally weird experience but an amazing one, I don’t know what made me go so weird, it might have been the built up tension or the lack of oxygen or….I don’t know what! I can say though that it was probably the best orgasm I have ever had!

Kayleigh was amazing afterwards, really loving and caring, she got me a drink and then cuddled me and it was exactly what I needed.

After a while we started to discuss the TPE week and she laid out the rules that she wanted me to stick by for that week, they were:

  1. She will live in my house with me
  2. I will do all of the cooking, cleaning and bill paying
  3. I will obey her every command without question
  4. she will respect my safety and wellbeing
  5. I will ask permission before eating
  6. I will ask permission before using the toilet
  7. She will choose what clothes I will wear at all times
  8. I will not engage in any sexual act without her permission
  9. I will not write about our TPE week on your blog
  10. I will wear a token of her ownership at all times

We discussed each of these rules at length, she explained what she meant by them and I asked questions which she was more than happy to answer.

When it came to the last one I showed her the collar I had bought which she was very happy with and told me I must wear it at all times when I am in the house, then she produced a white gold necklace which was made up of a thin gold band that goes around my neck and then it has a white gold padlock that fastens it as the front and hangs down like a pendant but it is a working padlock.  It’s a really beautiful necklace but I can’t take it off when its locked! I loved it.

Unfortunately I cannot write anything more about that week due to rule number nine, we discussed this rule for a while because I really wanted to write about the week but she said she wanted it to just be about the two of us and eventually I agreed.

I can say that I really enjoyed the week, it brought us even closer together despite my being very frustrated with it at times! Another thing I can say is that since the TPE week I now have layered blonde rather than brown hair!  I’m not sure if I will keep it like this or not although it has grown on me somewhat since it was done.

I guess I should explain the previous post a little. After the TPE week we went back to living in separate houses and things conspired against us and I didn’t get to see Kayleigh too much, we went from me living in her pocket to hardly seeing each for a week and for some reason I got really down about it.  I can’t really explain how I was feeling except to say that I was pretty down and then at the end of the week when I finally got to see Kayleigh she dropped a bomb shell, she wants to collar me!

This should have made me happy I think but in actually fact it filled me with fear and confusion, my reaction was not what Kayleigh was expecting or hoping for and she got quite upset about it and I don’t blame her!  I don’t want to go into too much detail about it because at this point it doesn’t really matter.

Eventually I got out of my depression and realised that this is actually something I want, I love Kayleigh and I can’t imagine not being with her and I don’t want to be without her and she loves me! I think that was part of the problem, I didn’t trust that she loved me and that this wasn’t just a bit of fun for her.

So when it came to her birthday, along with all the “normal” gifts that I gave her was my collar from the TPE week and a note saying “Please accept me as yours”.  She was shocked but very happy and so was I!

We have discussed it quite a bit since Monday (her birthday) and I think we have agreed how it will work but I will save that for another entry I think.

I’m sorry for my absence but I am back writing now, only now I’m going be owned for the first time in a long while, exciting times! I am looking forward to your comments on this surprising (for me anyway!) turn of events!

Oh, and to explain the title, I’m reading a certain trilogy of books at the moment (isn’t everyone!?) and I think Kayleigh might have already read them and starting getting ideas from them! e.g. Riding crop to the clit!

Paid my debt, nearly

I’ve never been as horny and frustrated as I am right now. This is the longest period of time I have worn my chastity belt for and I never dreamed that it could make me feel like it has done. Of course I always knew it would be hard to wear the belt for this length of time, I have quite a high sex drive and rarely go a day without pleasuring myself, in fact since getting my clit pierced it is often more than once a day.

I was doing alright with it the first couple of days, I was hornier than usual but it was manageable and not really getting any worse, then on Saturday came Kayleigh’s Cruel and Unusual punishment, and it really was! As I lay there, unable to move, listening to that girl almost cum over and over and over again I just kept getting hornier and hornier. At one point I did manage to fall asleep for a couple of hours and when I woke up I was literally dripping wet and lying in a wet patch! By the time I got out of the cage my head was just ringing with the sound of that girls panting and even when I removed the headphones and went to try and get some sleep in bed I could still hear her in my head!

Then on Sunday, rather than letting me calm down “recover” Kayleigh began sending me pictures, starting at around 10am and every half an hour or so after that I received another picture on my phone. All of them were of her in various states of undress, inserting various things into her body….you get the idea. The barrage of stimulating imagery stopped in the early evening but then I have received additional pictures every now and then all week, when I least expected them, every time one popped up on my phone I was reminded how horny I was so any distraction I got from my predicament was always short-lived.

The frustration at not being able to relieve myself has just built and built every day this week and the effects of that haven’t been great for me. As it has gone on I have become more and more irritable to the point where I have become very short-tempered and have snapped at people for no rational reason. I am also very distracted and have been finding it hard to construct intelligent sentences when talking to people, then the other day I was looking at some porn (I know I don’t help myself!) and I wanted to cum so bad and I just started crying in frustration! Tears were pouring down my face and then I got really angry and had to stop myself from throwing my iPad across the room!

This has definitely made me rethink my clitoris removal fantasy! The problem is, that does make me horny so even when I think about my predicament it only makes it worse.

And that is just the chastity belt which is only one part of my punishment.

Sleeping in the cage has been difficult to say the least, it isn’t very big so moving around is difficult inside it, I have found that I can lie in a sort of slightly stretched out foetal position and that is the most comfortable I can be in there.

The first few nights I only got a couple of nights sleep but it has steadily increased since then to the point where last night I actually got six straight hours although I was pretty stiff when I woke up. The good thing is I get out at 6am and if I go straight to bed I can get an hours sleep in bed before I have to get ready for work.

One day, I think it was Tuesday night, Wednesday morning, I had to stay in an extra hour because I sent her the picture at 10.03pm instead of 10pm so I didn’t get my hour in bed that day. In fact that was yesterday? yes it’s Thursday today, I think it was yesterday. Sorry!

On top of all of that physical and mental craziness I haven’t been allowed to contact Kayleigh at all, even when she was sending me the pictures and instructions I wasn’t allowed to reply to her. That has been difficult, for the past few months I have sent her text messages every day, spoken to her on the phone every day and seen her in person more or less every other day, so going a week without even contacting her has been hard emotionally. It has been like a part of my life is missing despite the fact I had all this stuff going on to remind me of her, its quite hard to describe, especially at the moment!

but…

Today the punishment ends! Last night was the last night in the cage and when Kayleigh comes round later tonight, I’m not sure what time, my punishment will be over, the belt will come off and I will be allowed to cum, and oh what an orgasm it is going to be! If there are no more blog entries after this one you can assumed my orgasm killed me! At least I will have died happy!

The end of my punishment also means that we can start the TPE week that Kayleigh wanted to do so I am quite excited about that. She asked me earlier in the week to get a collar so I ordered this one:

and it arrived yesterday. It fits really nice and has a padlock so the wearer can’t remove it which Kayleigh will like. I’m just hoping it is only for indoor use!

I started writing this blog an hour ago and it should have easily been done by now as it is just a quick catch up but just before I started she text me and told me to listen to the MP3 from the other day on my laptop until she tells me to turn it off. So I am back to listening to the almost cumming girl and it is extremely distracting, I keep stopping typing and absent-mindedly fondling my nipples which is something else that I have started doing in the last few days. I was sat in my office doing it the other day and didn’t even realise! Ridiculous! Thank god no-one walked in!

Still need ideas for Kayleigh’s birthday please!

Cruel and unusual

A short time ago I received an email from Kayleigh, which I can’t reply to obviously. The email had no salutation, it literally just had a set of instructions which were as follows:

  1. Download the mp3 file from here
  2. Load the mp3 onto your iPod and put it in a playlist on its own
  3. Make sure the iPod is fully charged
  4. Set an alarm on your iPod for 6am
  5. Cut two square pieces of duct tape and leave them in your cage
  6. Just before 10pm, leave your iPod just outside your cage but pass the headphones though the bars near the door end
  7. Start the playlist and put it on repeat
  8. Put your leather wrist cuffs on
  9. Get into the cage feet first and lie on your back with your legs bent up
  10. Do not take your phone, laptop or iPad into the cage tonight
  11. Insert the earphones and then place a piece of tape over each one to keep it in
  12. Reach behind your head and fasten the door and your two cuffs together with the timer lock
  13.  Sleep tight

I’ve just downloaded the file and listened to it for five minutes, I need a cold shower now! It’s basically just 24 seconds of a girl having sex and almost having an orgasm, I don’t even know why it makes me horny, but it does! I didn’t get much sleep last night but I can’t see myself getting any tonight! I think I’ll go and have a lie down now.

Crime and punishment

Kayleigh came round after work last night to discuss the plans for my week of TPE, we discussed it for a while and I think we are both happy with the plans for it. However, I had also decided to tell her about this blog which is something that I have been wrestling with for some time as most of you will know.

I started this blog as a substitute for discussing things with my friends because discussing being a lesbian with then, never mind BDSM, was really out of the question for reasons that I have gone into in detail before. Since then I have “come out” as bi-sexual to those friends and am building up to doing the same with my family, which is a much scarier undertaking!  So you could say that the blog has served half of it’s purpose already really. However the other half is probably even more important to me, I will never “come out” to of them about the BDSM side of my life so this blog is really the only outlet, apart from Kayleigh herself, that I have to express my feelings and get input from like-minded people.

I decided to tell Kayleigh about it for a few reasons, none of them new. For a start she is my Domme and I shouldn’t be keeping secrets from her, especially when I have already been punished for keeping secrets and agreed not to keep anymore, a blatant lie! Secondly, I don’t want to keep secrets from her, I am serious about being a submissive and I want to carry out my role as well as I possible can.

So anyway, I was decided on that course of action so when we finished talking about the TPE plans I told her about it. She was furious!

I completely understand her reaction and I didn’t try to defend myself until she asked me why I hadn’t told her about it.  Then I explain basically what I have said above, that it is an important outlet for me and I was worried that she would either make me stop or want to be involved in it or read it which would change the dynamic of it completely and I would lose it as an outlet.

To her credit, despite her anger, she understood and accepted that but stated in no uncertain terms that it was no excuse for flat-out lying to her, I felt extremely ashamed of myself.

When she had calmed down a little bit she explained to me why she was so angry, that trust was had to be absolute with her and that she could not and would not tolerate any more lies from me. She asked me flat out if I had any more secrets and I said no, which is true, she said that she should just leave me but that she thought we had something that shouldn’t be thrown away because of my stupidity, I was crying at this point, I thought she was going to leave me.

Eventually she said that I was on my last chance, if she found out about one more lie from me she would be gone and it would be my own fault. I apologised, a lot and thanked her for giving me another chance.

She surprised me then by saying that she could see the blog was important to me and that she didn’t really care about me writing the blog, though she said it would have been nice to be asked, and that she will allow me to continue writing it and that she would make no effort to read it or to find out the details of it. I was feeling very grateful then but also even more stupid and ashamed for not telling her about it sooner!

Then she told me the punishment for lying and my heart sank.

Starting last night I must be in my cage by 10pm each night, I have to send her a text showing me locked in the cage at exactly 10pm each night and it must be locked with a timer lock set to eight hours, so I am allowed out at 6am. She also put me in my chastity belt, locked it and took the keys. This will last for seven days during which time I am not allowed to contact her in any way except to send the pictures.

I slept in the cage last night and let me tell you, it isn’t at all comfortable and it is extremely boring! Tonight I think I will put the cage in the lounge so at least I can watch TV!

The punishment lasts until next Thursday, it’s going to be tough. For one I don’t generally go a day without masturbating, especially since getting the piercing and I can already feel a need building up inside me that I am not going to be able to satisfy at all (I can only really cum from clitoral stimulation). Then there is the eight hours a day in the cage which is going to be complete hell, it’s so cramped and horrible being in there! And worst of all is not being able to contact Kayleigh, I text her all the time and not being able to contact her in anyway is going to be impossible! I think I would have preferred it if she had just broken my fingers!

After I have served my punishment we are going to start the TPE on the Friday so at least I have that to look forward to. Although I say look forward to it, it might be even worse than the punishment!

I am starting to think this TPE week will be make or break for me and Kayleigh, I think we have got to a point in the relationship where we are ticking along quite nicely and I think this might be her way of testing to see if it will go where she wants it to. She is still young and I think she wants to know if she is wasting time with me that she could be spending meeting new people.  She hasn’t said any of this, it’s just what I have come up with on my own but I think it makes sense.  My plan is to make sure she doesn’t want to live without me after that TPE week is over.

Last thing, it’s her birthday on 2nd July, she’ll be 22. I need to think of some good presents to get her, normal ones and of course kinky ones. I think I’ll be OK on the normal ones but I would appreciate help with the kinky ones! She likes things that lock as you know, I’d lie to get her something really different, something that you don’t see in your average BDSM store but I’m coming up blank in my Google searches! Help please?!

I was asked in a chat message about my timer padlocks. This is a picture of one, I have two. They work just like a normal padlock except once you push it down you turn the timer to lock it. One full turn is an hour and you can turn it up to eight times. I have no idea where they came from, I was given them by my ex Mistress when she moved to Australia and I have never found them anywhere despite spending a long time looking. I think they may have been custom-made but I don’t know for sure. They are fun anyway!

To slave or not to slave

Thank you all for your responses, I really didn’t expect to get many comments on this one, or votes for that matter, thank you for caring 🙂

I think I could have predicted that no-one would say no but it’s interesting that about a third of you voted to set limits on it, that is kind of where I was leaning because I thought “what if she makes me do something that affects my work or something”, I would then be in a very difficult position of not obeying or risking something going wrong in the vanilla part of my life, I wouldn’t want to do either!

The most compelling argument that I read though came from Manc who said “It’s not TPE if you have restrictions” and he is exactly right! The whole point of it, from my point of view at least, is that I have no control over what happens, I am giving up that control and giving it to Kayleigh.

That sort of got me thinking about what the point of it is to her, she wants to control me in every way and if I was to set restrictions or limits then am I really giving her what she wants, and if I’m not then what is the point? It was her idea/request in the first place!

So, I have just text Kayleigh:
Hey sexy, I’ve had a little think and have come to the conclusion that I would really love to give you total control for a week, in fact I can’t wait, when do you want it to start Miss?!

Basically she knows me well, she knows what is important to me and she knows where to draw a line. I trust her, if I didn’t I wouldn’t even consider doing this in the first place! I am very excited about it now although I know it won’t all be pleasant, she can be a complete bitch sometimes!

I just got a text back from her:
I knew you would say yes you little slut! You’ll be sorry soon enough though (devil smiley) We’ll talk about it later, I’m coming round after work, now leave me alone bitch, I’m working.

So that’s that organised I guess! Nice of her to let me know she is coming round tonight as well, I didn’t know about that until now, good job I didn’t have plans!  I can’t text her again now, she loves telling me to shut up and it absolutely drives me crazy! I get punished if I then send her another text or talk or anything after that.

One time I text her after she told me not to text her again when she was at work, she came round after work stuck a piece of duct tape over my mouth, drew over the edges of it with lipstick and then told me not to take it off until she said I could. The lipstick was so she could see if it had been removed and put back on, very clever my Domme! She only took it off after work the next day! It was very irritating and I couldn’t eat, she did let me put a small hole in it big enough to fit the tiny straw from a drinks carton through but that was it. Anyway it taught me a lesson, although I still do it, I can’t help myself sometimes!

maybe I should write more about her punishments, I don’t think I really write about them very much because they aren’t generally part of play sessions or anything, she just sometimes feels the need to punish me so she does! They aren’t always that exciting though, one time she forbid me from drinking anything except tap water for a week because I put sugar in her tea! An overreaction I thought! I was particularly grumpy after a week without coffee or coke!

In other news I found another archive blog entry, this one is from a long time ago (in a galaxy far away) when I started my very first blog! I got my friend to post it on BDSM Library for me to get some readers basically so I found it on there.  You can read it here if you are interested.

OK, that’s all for now, I’ll let you know what she has to say for herself tomorrow! This might raise the whole telling her about the blog issue again actually! hmmmm……

My toy chest

I’ve had my toy chest for several years, it’s a black leather trunk like the one pictured above. It is a 2×1 foot rectangle and about a foot high, has a locking latch on the front and lives at the bottom of my walk in wardrobe, which sounds fancy but is basically just a small closet where I keep my clothes…and toys!

As those who follow this blog regularly will know, I have being dancing around showing Kayleigh the contents of my toy chest for some time mainly because I was worried about what her reaction would be.

You can read a list of the contents of my chest here, they are basically things I have collected over the years for use in bedroom play some of which are fairly tame like vibrators and handcuffs and some of which are fairly extreme like BBQ skewers and a speculum made for horses!

NOTE: The horse speculum was an epic failure as I could only just get it in me and even then when I tried to open it the thing just kept sliding out!

I did think about taking some of the more extreme things out before showing it to Kayleigh but then I thought that it wouldn’t be a good representation of me and I really wanted her to see the full, uncensored version of me in all my depraved glory!  I think what really scared me was possibility that she would see that and run a mile and I really don’t handle rejection very well, I protect myself against it as much as possible!

However, things have been going very well with Kayleigh of late and I feel we are growing closer all the time, she does seem to get me and I think I get her and we both seem to give each other what we need in the BDSM word AND in normal everyday life. So I decided to just go for it.

Unfortunately life conspired against me and the weekend I was intending to reveal all to her my mother got ill and had to go into hospital, so I headed back to Cornwall to see her and that opportunity was gone.

By the way, thank you for the well wishes, she is out of hospital and doing fine now.

Then the weekend before last I was going to show her on Saturday night after a nice meal that I was going to cook, but she had to work, she has an evening job in a bar as her secretary job doesn’t bring in enough money. Finally a week last Sunday we got to have the evening together and I showed her my toys.

I think I made a bigger deal of it than I needed to, I think she thought I was going to reveal to her that I used to be a man or something!

We had a nice meal which I had cooked and I told her that I had something to show her and that I had been keeping it from her because I was worried how she would react and that I didn’t want to scare her off. Sometimes when I’m nervous I can just talk for England even though in my head I’m saying “Stop talking now, stop, no really stop”!

So I lead her into the bedroom where I had put the open chest on my bed and I went and sat beside it on the bed.  I told her that it was my toy chest and that it contained all of the toys I have collected over the years, I told her that I had used all of them or had them used on me at one time or another.

She didn’t say anything at first, she just started picking things up out of the chest and looking at them, I couldn’t stand silence so I started talking again, I said that I knew some of them are a bit weird and quite extreme and that is why I wanted to show her so she could see the how far my kinks go because I didn’t want to keep any of that from her…..she put a finger on my lips, then she smiled and pulled out a ball gag.

I opened my mouth as she pushed the ball in and fastened the strap tight enough to hurt, then she grinned a little more and pulled out a padlock and slipped it through the ring on the buckle to lock the gag.

Next she pulled out a pair of clover clamps which went straight on to my nipples. She roughly pulled my top down, grabbed each nipple and attached the clamps then gave them a tug causing an exquisite pinch in both my nips simultaneously.

The next item to come out was the collar and lead, she had a very wicked grin on her face as she buckled the leather collar loosely around  my neck and let the lead (leash) hang between my breasts.

A pair of handcuffs went on my wrists behind my back and then she attached another pair just above my elbows, this pulled my arms right back and into a very uncomfortable position but I just sat there and let her have her fun.

She continued going through the chest pulling out dildos and clamps and plugs, then she got to the box of nails. They are long thin nails and I keep them in a plastic box filled with surgical spirit, I watched her as she opened it and took out a nail, she touched the sharp point with her finger and then sort of shrugged and put it back in the box and sealed it again.  This was one of the items I was worried about because it’s fairly extreme to have nails put into you but she didn’t seem bothered at all by it!

The chest has a little tray at the bottom with compartments in it which I use to keep different kinds of toys separate and easy to find.  She had come to the plugs compartment and went through them one at a time, the first three are just rubber anal plugs of different sizes, the fourth is a solid steel one with a D ring on the end of it (the end that stays outside!).  The fifth is a very recent purchase, it looks like a normal metal plug but when you push a ring in at the end the plug opens up like the petals on a flower which makes it much large inside you and completely impossible to remove. The finishing touch is that when it is open you can use a padlock to keep it open and therefore prevent it being removed.

Kayleigh messed about with it for a little while whilst I watched, there is a little rubber ring that goes around the plug to keep the “petals” closed when it isn’t being used and once she figured out that came off she soon figured out the true cruel purpose of the toy, and wanted to try it out.

She told me to get off the bed and when I hopped off she turned me round and bent me over it. She lifted my skirt over my ass and then ran the cold metal plug along my slit, then she pushed it inside my pussy and pulled it back out. When she pulled my ass cheeks apart and put the plug to my hole I could feel my juices on it, no need for lube when your sub is always wet!

My ass it quite tight but she applied plenty of force and the plug went it fairly easily, my ass stretching to take it all in, then she opened the petals.  It’s a very odd feeling when it opens up inside you, its painful but it’s also just very weird, I don’t know how to describe it. Anyway I yelped when she opened it and it stretched my insides, then she very quickly locked it with another padlock.

She left me bent over the bed while she went through the rest of my toys and then all of sudden flipped me over onto back. My arms were agony when I put all my weight on them and handcuffs dug in painfully, I forgot all that though when she held up the horse speculum and raised her eyebrows in a “what the fuck?” expression! I just looked at her, went red, and tried to smile (not easy with a ball gag in your mouth!).

I watched as she opened it up and then put her arm through the middle of it and then laid it on my stomach so the bottom was level with the opening of my pussy, it came up almost to my tits! She just laugh and shook her head and threw it back in the chest.

I watched her throw all of the toys that she had taken out (and not used) back into the chest with horror. I’m not a particularly tidy person but I always keep my toy chest pristine!  The only thing she kept out was a paddle.

She took hold of my leash and helped me get up off the bed and the led me to the lounge where she sat on the sofa and gestured for me to kneel in front of her which I did.

She spoke in a soft kind voice and told me that she was very happy that I wanted to show her my toys and that I shouldn’t have been worried because nothing in there shocked her or worried her, not even the “ridiculous speculum”. She said that I shouldn’t have kept it a secret though and that she felt that the paddle (she held it up) would help me to remember not to keep things from her in future.

She pulled my leash and motioned for my to get up onto the sofa so I climbed up and she got me laid across her lap with my ass over her knees. As soon as I was in position she started to hit my ass with the paddle.

It wasn’t too bad at first, she wasn’t hitting me that hard and she was alternating between ass cheeks as she went. She kept it up at a constant speed, SMACK on the left cheek then SMACK on the right and then SMACK on the left.  After a few minutes it started to get uncomfortable and then after about ten minutes it was really starting to burn. She had increased the speed or the force but it my ass was really starting to get tender and sore!

After about fifteen minutes it was really starting to hurt lot, my ass felt like it was burning and every hit with the paddle sent a shocking sting through my ass. I tried to move my ass away to give me a seconds rest from it but she had her spare hand on my lower back and held me down firmly with it.

After twenty minutes I had tears running down my cheeks and I was trying to beg her to stop through the gag but she ignored me and continued with the relentless SMACKing of the paddle. I can’t remember anyone ever giving me such consistent punishment for such a long time before ever, it was absolute torture, much worse than ten really hard whacks with a cane, that is like a really fast big pain and then it subsides to a manageable level, this started off completely bearable but became excruciating and by the time she finished after thirty minutes I was an absolute mess, I was sobbing and trying to get away.

She hadn’t talked to me the whole time but now that she had finished she told me to kneel back in front of her. I VERY gingerly got back onto the floor on my knees and knelt up in front of her, she just smiled sweetly and said “kneel down hunni” so I lowered my ass onto my heels and closed my eyes as I put my weight on my tender rear, it hurt so bad!

She looked into my eyes and I looked into hers (god I love her eyes!) and she said “OK, have you learnt your lesson?” and I nodded emphatically to which she said “So no more secrets?” and I nodded again, then she smiled and said “Good girl”. She says that to e all the time, it’s so patronising, I love it!

She came around behind me and I felt immense relief in my arms as she released first the elbow cuffs and then the wrist cuffs before sitting back down in front of me. I shook some life back into my arms as she watched me then she said “open you legs” which I did whilst blushing because I knew it was rather wet down there! She grinned and said “now cum for me”.

I leaned back and supported myself on my left arm while my right hand went down between my legs and began a circular motion around my clit. It’s so easily for me to make myself cum since I got my piercing and I was moaning within thirty seconds and cumming within a minute!

She had to go home shortly after that, she left me in the gag, collar, plug and clamps but said I could remove them once she’d gone. The only problem was that she’d pulled all of the keys out of the padlocks in my chest and left them all in a big pile in the bottom, including the ones for the gag and plug!

After I’d finally got myself free of everything and tidied up my chest (over an hour later) I went for a shower. My ass was red raw and really bruised, it felt even worse than right after the paddling and I couldn’t sit down at all. I went to sleep lying naked on my front with no covers on me.

The next day I didn’t have any choice but to sit down as I was in work and it was pure hell. I couldn’t sit still all day because it was so sore and it was the end of the week before it started to feel better really.

This was all a couple of weeks ago now and its all healed up fine now, I still can’t believe how much of an affect it had just doing a constant rhythm of hits, I think we’re going to have to experiment with this a bit more!!

Life is very busy at the moment with work, that’s why the posts have been lacking a bit, I’ve been writing this one post for ages just trying to get enough time to finish it! Oh well, you’ll just have to bear with me whilst work is like it is I’m afraid.

The dreaded dog cage has arrived, I can’t remember if I’ve said that already, we had a little test of it last weekend and it is really quite small, not that I am particularly big there still isn’t much room to move around in it, I just know I’m going to be spending some serious time in it soon though!

Kayleigh says that the locking piercing ring has arrived too, I haven’t seen it yet but I’m hoping she is going to put it in soon, it makes me really horny thinking about having it locked in me!  The idea will be that the dog tag clip is soldered as well so that will be hanging from my clit “permanently” when she fastened on the piercing ring as well! Very exciting!

Last thing, I promised no more secrets after the paddling and since then it’s been eating away at me that she doesn’t know about this blog. The problem is that once I tell her about it I won’t be able to talk about her anymore or ask people’s opinions about things because she will be able to read it all whenever she wants. This blog my only real outlet for me to talk about my BDSM lifestyle except for a couple of friends from on here (you know who you are hun x) and I’m not sure I want to give that up. But if I don’t then I am effectively lying to my Domme and that makes me a very bad sub. I’m very conflicted about this!

Ring Ring

So things have got a little crazy with me recently and not in a good way, well actually it is in a good way but not the sort of good way that this blog is about!

My firm has recently won a very large contract and I have been put on the account, in fact I am the primary on the account and the first thing we have had to do is a huge audit. This has taken me all over the country in recent weeks and I have spent considerably more time in hotel beds than in my own (or anybody else’s!), this is the reason for the lack of updates on this blog and while I know I promised to get back to it weeks ago I’m not going to apologise, it’s a huge career opportunity for me and there are more important things than this blog in my life!

Despite the recent refocus in my priorities though I have managed to fit several “dates” with Kayleigh in, although not as many as I would like. We are still seeing each other though and while it has gone slower than I hoped, and to be honest gone in a different direction than I expected, I am very happy with the way things are at the moment.

Hopefully that little intro wasn’t too boring for you, I just wanted to set the scene of where I am and why I haven’t been around, hopefully you are interested in me as a person as well as me as a pain slut, maybe I’m being a bit naïve there though!

I’m not going to write out all descriptions of every date I’ve had since last time I posted because for one I don’t have the time and for two….I don’t have the time! The following account is of a “date” that happened about three weeks ago on a Friday night, I hadn’t seen Kayleigh for nearly two weeks and I think she was kind of annoyed with me being unavailable so much. You’ll see what I mean about things not exactly going the way I thought they would but hopefully you’ll enjoy it anyway.

So I’d been away in Liverpool for five days and then was home for an evening (which I spent alone doing paperwork) and then had gone away to Edinburgh for four days. The final day was the Friday and I got home at about 2pm. I’d been spoken to Kayleigh a couple of times whilst in Edinburgh, each time she had called me and each time I had to cut the call short to go to a meeting or a meal with the client.

Eventually we talked on the phone whilst I was travelling home, she said she was going out into town that evening and that I should come round to her flat for about 8pm. I was tired but I was excited to see her so when I got home and had a long bath and made sure I was nice and clean and smooth and silky soft and then I spent an hour curling my hair, expertly applied my “fuck me” eye makeup and picked out a suitable sexy outfit for a night in town.

I took a taxi to her place and she buzzed me through the building door, once in front of her door I adopted the position she had instructed me to take when requesting to come into her home. I spread my legs to shoulder width and lowered my head so that my chin touched my chest, then I knocked and quickly folder my arms behind my back.

This may not sound like much but standing in this position makes me feel very submissive. Folding your arms behind your back pulls your shoulders back forcing you to thrust your chest (tits) out, having your head bowed that far prevents you from making eye contact with anything above a persons knees and standing in public with your legs apart feels like your inviting someone to find out what’s between them!

She answered the door after about thirty seconds (I’m pretty sure she makes me wait on purpose) and told me to come in. I walked into the hallway keeping my head down and my arms behind my back as she had instructed and waited just inside while she closed the door. I couldn’t see much but she was wearing some very nice gladiator style wedges and her dress finished above my line of sight.

In the past at this point she had told me to get on my knees and kiss both her feet and another time she kissed me in the passionate way she always does. This time she told me to go into the bathroom, remove all of my clothes and fold them neatly then wait for her. This was unexpected but I followed her orders, entering the bathroom and leaving the door open (I’m not allowed to shut a door between us) I unzipped my dress and shimmied out of it, folded it and laid it on the toilet seat, then I removed the very sexy pink lingerie that I had bought in Edinburgh and those on top of the dress and finally I stepped out of my heels and placed those on top of the lot.

When she returned ten minutes later I was standing naked in the bathroom, legs apart, head down and arms folded behind my back. I’m not allowed to leave this position until she says I can. She stood in front of me for a minute or so and I could feel her eyes scanning every inch of my body, then she said “Get in the shower”.

That was really not what I was expecting her to say and through surprise (I think!) I instinctively looked up at her. I saw genuine rage flash through those big beautiful eyes and in a flash she was over to me and had a handful of my hair. She forcefully shoved me into the shower cubicle, hit the on button and shut the glass door.

Se has a rain shower so I was soaked in seconds, my beautifully curled hair was plastered to my head and my makeup began to run down my face. And the water was FREEZING! She had it set to full cold! I kept my head down not wanting to piss her off anymore but she just said “STAY” and then walked out, I started to cry.

She came back ten minutes later by which time I had pulled myself together and was back in my position, covered in goose bumps and shivering violently. She said “Turn the shower off” and then left for another ten minutes.

This time when she came back she opened the door and told me to step out, then she took another handful of my hair and led me back out into the hallway then into the front room all the way to the far corner, she didn’t stop until I was pressed as far into the corner as I could go, then she kicked the insides of my feet until I moved them so they were touching the walls either side. She leant over my shoulder and said “STAY” then disappeared again.

She was back quickly and I felt her drying my right ass cheek with a towel, then she crouched down behind me and I felt her running something over my ass, like she was writing. I couldn’t tell what she was doing at first but then I smelt the henna and knew exactly what she was doing!

She was finished after a few minutes and she stood up again, I could tell she was smiling when she leant close to my ear again and said “I told you I was going out, not that WE were going out. I know that you are busy and that sometimes you can’t find time to talk to me but don’t forget your place slut, and don’t forget that your actions have consequences. This is a consequence. I’ll be back later”. Then she gave me a really hard slap on my left ass cheek and walked out of the room, about two minutes later I heard the front door open and then close.

My head was spinning big time, I’d arrived ready for a good night out with Kayleigh and now she was gone and I was stood with my face pressed into the corner of her lounge!

As I am sure you can imagine time passed extremely slowly, at first I was just bored and after a while I was severely tempted to move around, find a mirror and see what she had drawn on my ass with the henna, but I didn’t, I stayed in the corner like a good sub.

I’m guessing at timescales because I actually didn’t have a clue but after about an hour my arms and legs had started to ache and after two they were really sore, and I was so bored! I was so desperate to unfold my arms or move my legs a bit, just try standing somewhere for even half an hour not moving at all, it is ridiculous how uncomfortable it is!

After what I’m guessing was about three hours I started to think about what I had done to piss Kayleigh off enough to do this to me. It did occur to me that maybe I hadn’t done anything wrong and she had just decided to be mean but what said before she left kind of negated that possibility.  She was obviously annoyed at my constant unavailability and my cutting conversations short and now I was being punished for it, in the end I decided I probably deserved it and that I would make more of an effort to be available when she wanted me to be in future.

It had been hours and my arms and legs were numb (yet in pain?!) and I wanted to move so badly, it took every bit of willpower I have not to just move a little bit. The henna had dried on m ass cheek, I could feel it pulling gently at the skin now that it had compressed. Finally I heard the front door.

My heart started to race with excitement, she was back,! What would happen now? I heard her come up behind me, she grabbed my ass cheek hard, digging her nails in, she leant over my shoulder, her breath stank of alcohol, slurring slightly she said “Did you move?” and I shook my head. She said “Good girl, STAY” and then she left the room.

I thought she was going to leave me there all night but she was back after a couple of minutes and I heard her drop some things behind me, then she was back at my shoulder saying “Wait two more minutes then go home, there’s a taxi outside” and then she left the room again and I heard her bedroom door slam.

I was gutted if I’m honest, all that time waiting there and I wasn’t even going to get anything good out of it! I counted to 120 and then released my pose, it was hard and painful to move my arms, I was really still. The clothes on the floor were a thigh length rain coat and a pair of flip flops, nothing else, great!

There was also £20, presumably for the taxi which was waiting so I grabbed the coat and flung it on, fastening the waist strap and then slid my feet into the flip flops.  I passed a mirror on the way out and noticed my cheeks had makeup all down them, I wiped it off as best I could with my hand, I still looked like a panda but there was nothing I could do about that!

I got into the taxi as carefully as I could, trying to make sure the coat didn’t ride up. The driver took one look at me and said “Are you OK?”, I just blushed, smiled and said yes.

When I got home I ran upstairs, stripped the coat off and took a look at my ass in the mirror. In black writing across my whole right ass cheek it said

KAY’S
SLUT

I picked off the bits of dried henna that hadn’t come of in the taxi, the letters were completely black because it had been left on so long and it was really vivid against my quite pale skin, I was getting wet just looking at it!

I took a picture in the mirror and sent it to Kayleigh with the message “I love it! Thank you xxx”, then I got into bed and made myself cum before falling asleep.

This was a very weird night but it taught me a valuable lesson about Kayleigh, since then I have made a great effort to speak to her as and when she wants me to and I haven’t had to be punished again, not for that anyway!

I know this post is a bit low on action but I thought it was an important one for the “complete story” of what has happened while I haven’t been posting. I will post more soon (hopefully) filling you in on some of the more interesting adventures I have had with her since then.

For those that are interested it has been a few weeks now and while the henna has faded you can still clearly see “KAY’S SLUT” on my ass, she makes reference to it quite often and has told me she is going to get it tattooed at some point, we will see!