I will be at my mothers for Christmas Day with my beautiful Mistress Fiona who promises to make sure I’m incredible uncomfortable and wriggly throughout Christmas dinner, I can’t wait!
Sorry that it has been a while since I’ve written properly, I actually have loads to write about but have really struggled to find time in the last few weeks. Thank you to Mistress for writing, what I found to be, an interesting post on one of the methods she uses to train me, I hope you enjoyed it too.
So for this post I wanted to give you a few updates and then hopefully later in the week I’ll have another post lined up finishing off something I was telling you about a few weeks back, the dinner party.
First off I have achieved another of my goals for 2018! Can you guess which one? If you guessed a septum piercing them you get ten points, This is something which I have wanted to get for a long time but have been reluctant to do so because I didn’t want it to impact my every day appearance because of work etc.
I didn’t want the piercing for aesthetic reasons, I do think they look good on certain people but I don’t think it is something that would particularly complement my public image. No I wanted one purely for the BDSM aspect of it, I think having a ring in your nose is extremely sexy for a submissive and I’m definitely turned on by the idea of being led around by it or restrained by it.
So this weekend Mistress and I visited a reputable piercing studio and a lovely girl named Kate pierced it for me. The pain really wasn’t much, a bit like if you get knocked in the nose and it made me want o sneeze, or feel like I did anyway. Kate put a horse shoe shaped piece of jewellery in and after showing me how it looked (it’s definitely not something I’d wear visible in normal life) she folded it up for me and it is completely invisible. I walked out looking exactly as I did before which was weird but good.
Since it was done it has felt a bit itchy at times but the main issue is that I’m not supposed to touch it but can’t help myself and Mistress has to keep telling me how unattractive it is to have my fingers in my nose! She is definitely right but I’m not really doing it consciously, in fact I was just doing it now while I was thinking of what to write next!
So that’s the first bit of news, the second is that we have found a buyer for Mistresses house and are edging toward completion on the purchase of our new home together. It takes forever to buy a house but hopefully it won’t be too much longer before we can move in and start renovating it including building our dream dungeon! Once this all goes through that will be another goal checked off the list.
A while back I put up a poll so I could see who was actually reading my blog, unsurprisingly the majority are dominant males but it was actually less of a “dominant lead” then I thought it would be. 42% of people who responded were Doms whilst the next biggest group male switches with 18% and then third was female submissives with 14%. There were 417 votes cast so I think it is a good representation of my readership. I’m sure that’s of no interest to most of you but I found it interesting!
If you have read my about me page and the post referenced there you will know about my troubles from the past. The female friend who I drunkenly slept with, shared intimate details of my sexuality and lifestyle with, who then betrayed me by exposing all of my secrets to all of our group of friends, some of whom where work colleagues.
This was the worst time of my life and a time when I seriously considered taking my own life. Most of my friends stopped talking to me, not “officially” but they stopped returning my calls and answering my messages with more than a few words. The girl who I’d slept with broke all contact with me and I felt like all of my colleagues at work knew all about me as well because some of my (former) friends worked there. I’ve no idea if they did know or not but that is sort of irrelevant when you think they do.
I retreated into myself, stopped going out or doing anything and spent a lot of time crying. I bought pills and knives to end things but never had the courage to go through with it. Then in one of my stronger moments I looked for and found a job outside of London and left my home to start a new life basically.
It was the best thing I could have done, I got a good job where I’ve progressed, I (eventually) found love and I am more open about my life then I have ever been. I didn’t tell my former friends I was leaving London and have never been in contact with any of them, until now.
Through some colleagues I know in London I managed to get hold of contact details for the girl who ruined my life. This was some time ago and it took me a long time to work out what to say when I contacted her but eventually I wrote her an email.
In it I said to her that I wanted to get back in touch as I have reached a point in my life where I want to confront what happened with her as I, and my partner, believe that it still has an effect on me. I honestly didn’t expect a reply but a few days later I got one, a long one!
I’m not going to post any of our communications but the gist of what she said in that first email is that she is deeply sorry for what she did. She said that she couldn’t justify it in any way but that she was young and stupid and scared. She was scared of what we did, confused about what it meant about her own sexuality and freaked out by the “other stuff” that I’d told her about.
She said that she only told a couple of the other girls about my being gay and into BDSM and that she didn’t know why she did it. In hindsight, she said, maybe it was to deflect any focus on herself if I revealed what we’d done together. Apparently one of the other girls told her boyfriend who immediately told the other guys in the group and then everyone knew.
She claims to not have been disgusted or “judgy” of those things although a lot of the others definitely were and she didn’t feel she could speak against them. She only avoided me because she was ashamed and couldn’t face me. She claimed she was devastated when I just disappeared.
When I first read her email I was angry, really angry, it came across as her trying to find justification for her actions but after talking through it with Miss I began to see it in a different light. I think she was a very confused, weak and shallow person when it all happened and that’s what she was trying to justify.
I replied and told her my story, how it felt to be ostracised just for being myself and sharing that with someone I thought I could trust. How it felt to be alone and pushed out by all of my friends and feeling unable to work through paranoia and depression. I really let it all out being very honest about what she did to me, it felt good but I still felt guilty sending it, Mistress pushed me to do so but left it my decision.
It took longer for the reply to come than it had the first time. She said that she had cried reading my message, that she felt truly ashamed of her younger self and wished she could take all that hurt back from me. Her message made me cry too.
We arranged to meet up but for various reasons that didn’t happen until recently and it was truly awkward. The last time I’d seen her we were falling asleep in each other arms so meeting up in a coffee shop after all these years was just very bizarre. She was already there when I arrived and got up when I approached her table, neither of us knew how to greet each other but ended up in a brief hug.
She had obviously rehearsed a speech because she basically vomited it at me as soon as we sat down, she was obviously very nervous but for some reason I wasn’t at all. She said that she wished she could take back what happened but that she can’t and that it had a huge effect on her life as well.
As it turns out she was married but is divorced, why is she divorced? Because she didn’t love her husband and then she thought she fell in love with a work colleague, a female work colleague. Nothing happened between them other than them becoming very close and she started to have feelings for this woman. She still seems to be a very confused person which I can understand, I struggled with my sexuality when I was younger and it can be difficult, especially if you aren’t a strong person.
The upshot of all of this is that I have forgiven her for what she did to me, I felt genuine remorse from her when we met and I felt like it is something that has weighed on her conscience for as long as it has weighed on me. I am happy now though whilst she is still struggling with a lot of things and it felt good to remove this weight from both of us. Also I’ve been way more successful than her career-wise!
In other news my Mistress has set my sister up with a submissive guy and I don’t even know where to start with that!
Oh and, so excited…
Yesterday afternoon I received a text message from Lois containing a link to a video of a restrained girl having wasabi put inside her nostrils, the rest of the video is basically her suffering whilst being taunted by the dominant girl who did it to her.
I sometimes wonder what possesses subs, and in particular Lois, to send me things of this nature. Is it not obvious that my first thought is going to be that she is suggesting I do the same to her? And if that is so would that not be considered topping from the bottom?
Lois claimed, after the fact, that she definitely had not been suggesting I do this to her and only sent it because she thought I would enjoy it. Either way, I told her to purchase some wasabi on the way home from work.
In researching this after the fact I’ve discovered that wasabi reacts with the mucus in your nasal passages rather than with your tongue and it is quite a severe reaction. Neither I nor Lois like it so neither of us have had much interaction with it but the burning in your nose even when you just smell it is noticeable.
When she arrived home I changed her day collar for her leather one and then sent her to get changed and whilst she was gone I retrieved some items to restrain her. She arrived back a few minutes later wearing a blue vest top and some jeans that her ass looks particularly fetching in.
After getting her wrists cuffed I used a carabiner to fasten her wrists to a high up cupboard door in the kitchen, then I strapped her favourite ball gag in her mouth as I expected her to be quite vocal about this. Just before the gag went in she looked at me and said “please don’t” and her faced told me she genuinely didn’t want to do this so after inserting the gag and strapping it shut I kissed her head and said “do it for me?” and she nodded.
The effect of the wasabi was quite immediate, I didn’t even put much in each nostril but her eyes were instantly wide and she started making a strange noise through her gag. Similarly to in the video (which you can find by search for (Rain DeGrey wasabi by the way) she started to flap her hands around although she couldn’t move them much. Her cheeks started to go pink and her eyes started to tear up and then when she screwed them shut the tears ran down her cheeks.
I’m going to leave a space here where Lois can write how she was feeling at this time…
This is not an enjoyable sort of pain despite my pussy’s betrayal! I think I was wet because I was being forced to endure it rather than because of the pain but really who knows what goes on in my crazy brain!
That stuff is horrible to eat and much much worse to have up your nose, it burns all the way up into your nasal passage and stings your eyes, it’s a horrible sensation. All I wanted was to get it out of my nose but I was completely hopeless to achieve that.
I could also taste the disgusting stuff for over an hour afterwards and it completely ruined the nice pasta that I made for us. However I did thank Mistress for putting me through this trial as everything she has me do makes me stronger and a better sub.
I watched her intently for about ten minutes as she switched between almost hanging from her cuffs and drooling on the floor to flailing around and trying to blow her nose clear. It was almost as if the burning was coming in almost unbearable waves.
Eventually I took pity on her and let her down but before I did I reached down the front of her jeans, predictably she was very wet.
She looked a bit of a mess when I let her down, tears, snot and makeup streaked her face and she’d drooled all over herself but I still pulled her into me, held her tight and told her how amazing she is before sending her to clean herself up, I also needed to change my top!
At the beginning of this month, and year, I wrote about some goals that Mistress Fiona and I have agreed upon for me to attempt to achieve in 2018. One of those goals was:
To achieve this I have increased my presence on Tumblr as much as I can and have been trying to post more regularly on this blog. I suppose “regularly” isn’t the right word as some weeks I can post more than others but I think I’ve written more content this month then I possibly have before.
The news so far is good if not great, the average daily views this year is 596.44 which is pretty good considering 2017’s average was 234.28! Other interesting facts are that I’ve already matched half of the views that I got in 2015, which was my worst year since I started this blog, and have had my best day ever on 11th of January when I got 1241 views!
So thank you to everyone who has been reading and reblogging my posts on Tumblr, it really is helping me reach this goal and I am very grateful, please continue!
Now to another more interesting, for you I think, goal that I was set:
I actually successfully completed this one within a day of the year starting although I can’t claim too much credit for it because all I really did was lie there.
Some time ago I saw a picture of a girl who’d had her nipples, well around her nipples really, tattooed the same colour as her areola so that they looked like hearts, this is the picture on Mistresses original “Goals” post. She really liked it and so did I and we both thought it would look good on me.
My nipples are only quite small, possibly because my boobs are only quite small, and not very dark. According to a tattoo artist who we approached about this idea, those are all good because he can blend the colour over the edge of the areola so that it isn’t visible and it all looks like one solid shape. I don’t really know anything about tattoos but it sounds plausible that this would prevent a defined line between the natural edge of my nipple and the new one.
When we discussed and agreed on my goals this immediately came to mind but I didn’t mention it because the goal isn’t for me to get a body modification of my own choosing, it is one that Mistress decides upon. Fortunately, and excitingly for me, great minds think alike and this is what Mistress wanted to get done too.
I have had a tattoo before, many years ago, and I also had that tattoo removed. My advice is do not get a tattoo unless you are sure you definitely want it. The removal was more painful, time-consuming and expensive than having it done in the first place, it took several sessions of laser treatment as well as several years of fading for it to be completely gone.
Anyway we managed to get an appointment for it to be done on New Years Day, the tattoo artist is a friend of a “friend” of Mistresses, honestly she has so many connections all over the place I’m a little suspicious that she is some kind of underworld boss!
Even though it has happened more times than I can possibly count it’s always a little weird getting my boobs out in front of a complete stranger but he was very professional and left me and Mistress in the room while she undressed me from the waist up. She did it in quite a sensual way and my cheeks were a little flushed when he returned and started to prepare things.
I had to stand up whilst he drew the hearts around my nipples freehand which was a really bizarre experience, I think it was so that they would be even and look right when I am standing naked. After a few corrections, some of which were prompted by Mistress after she had closely examined me, everyone was happy. He did ask me if I was happy with the placement but Mistress answered for me and he accepted that, I think he knew some of the dynamic of our relationship. I have to admit it made me even hornier (and wetter) the way she was completely in control of how the end result of my breast modification would look.
It was painful but a manageable pain and Mistress held my hand and stroked my hair the whole time which was very sweet. The guy was also very professional, despite having to manhandle my breasts whilst tattooing them he apologised for having to do so and showed complete concentration on the task at hand throughout.
I was half expecting to have to pay for the tattoos with my mouth and/or other holes but no, he took pounds sterling and gave me plenty of advice (and some cream) on how to care for my new nipples.
Any of you who have tattoos will know the healing process is a little arduous and having them on your nipples is not ideal, the peeling and itching stage was very irritating in particular. During the healing the colour changed quite drastically and I was quite concerned that they would look ridiculous but as they healed up the colour ended up matching perfectly, as you can see in the picture it really just looks like my nipples are heart-shaped and I am so happy with how it came out, as is Mistress.
In other news Mistress and I have been talking and we would really like to visit a BDSM club/event some time in the near future. Our concerns about visiting such a place anywhere near where we live still exist though so we came to the decision to visit one in Europe somewhere.
It needs to be in a city with an airport and be an event or club that allows at least top half nudity but preferably full nudity and has areas where customers can watch and perform scenes. If anyone knows of such a place I’d be grateful if you could let me know and thank you to the people who replied to this request on Tumblr.
Finally, while this modification does satisfy my 2018 goal it is not the only mod that Mistress has planned for this year. For a start she wants to get my septum pierced and have a retainer put in it that is hidden so that she can put a leash or jewellery through it whenever she wants to which is something I do really like the idea of also.
There are no other plans that I am aware of but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any, Mistress has a fetish for modifying a sub’s body and I have a fetish for having my body modified to another persons specifications so who knows where that combination will take us!
Last week I wrote about an argument that I had with Mistress, the point being to highlight the difference between the fantasy D/s relationships you read about and the reality that while it is a different type of relationship it is still just two people living together and getting on with their lives.
The initiator for the argument, as I mentioned, was that Mistress got a drink of orange and left the bottle on the counter. It seemed like a little thing and it is, it normally wouldn’t have bothered me but I’d had a bad day and was already frustrated, I had literally just tidied up the house and was started to make dinner when it happened and I lost my temper.
In the midst of the argument (and I use that term loosely, it was more of a minor disagreement) I might have suggested that Miss was “like a man”! That is probably insulting to men in general (the ones who put things away after them anyway!) and all sorts of people but I knew as soon as I’d said it that it was a particular mistake to say it to Miss. To my surprise though it appeared I got away with it as she didn’t bring it up at all.
I should have known better. Mistress doesn’t really go on about things, she is more of a doer than a talker and at the weekend her method of rectifying my impression that she was “like a man” arrived in a large package. She let me open it and after breaking open the packaging I took out a huge “realistic” strap on dildo with harness!
When I say this thing was huge I mean it is bigger than any other toy we own and bearing in mind that I’ve not really anything large in any hole for some time it was quite daunting!
I’ve put a picture of the thing on the left, it’s called the “King Kong” and it is nine inches long and two inches wide!
I spent most of Saturday afternoon thinking about what was going to happen that evening, as usual it had been a week of daily ruined orgasms so I was super horny by the time Saturday came round. Not least because I’d been sent to give an older guy a blow job in his car on Tuesday lunch time and had helped Mistress to orgasm three times during the week with no relief for myself.
It all happened fairly unexpectedly in the end, I was in the middle of making dinner when Mistress grabbed my hair and pulled me, struggling not to fall over, out of the kitchen and towards the stairs. I managed to turn around by ducking my head down which meant her grip on on my hair was tighter and it was being pulled but at least I could walk a little.
As I stumbled up the stairs I noticed she was wearing a top and jeans, the jeans were open at the front and the huge rubber cock was sticking out and bouncing around as she walked.
We got to our room and she pushed me onto the bed and then yanked my underwear down so hard that she ripped them and then all of a sudden she was between my legs and the tip of the cock was pushing between my lips. I have to admit I was already dripping and it was a good job because she wasn’t gentle, she pushed hard and when my little pussy struggled to take it’s girth she just started thrusting which caused the thing to penetrate me a little further each time.
As is my nature, body and mind, my pussy relented and before long she was fucking me with thing fast and hard and I was just starting to enjoy it when she pulled it out leaving my gaping pussy tensing around thin air.
Before I really had time to acknowledge my disappointment she was pulling my ass cheeks apart and pushing the head against my asshole. As we all know it’s not like my ass is new to being penetrated but it’s been fairly few and far between in recent times and this thing felt like it was tearing me in two!
The dildo is quite soft and Mistress had to wrap both of her hands around it whilst she pushed hard, my hands and mouth were full of duvet as she overpowered my ass and pushed the head inside.
She was possibly a little less forceful than she was with my pussy, which was still trying to come to terms with it’s emptiness by the way. Instead of thrusting she pushed down on my lower back and applied pressure on the dildo for a few seconds at a time, each time my ass swallowed a little more of the monster as I , literally, screamed into the duvet.
I didn’t know at the time but she waited until I’d taken all nine inches before she slowly pulled out and then did it again, and again, and again until my ass accepted it’s fate and she could thrust properly, at which point she started what must have been at least twenty minutes of unforgiving, ass destroying, deep fucking.
It’s hard to describe the pain, it’s like a burning sensation when your ass is stretched beyond what you can normally take but I do like being fucked anally so there was pleasure too as demonstrated by the mess I made on the bed!
After those twenty minutes Mistress pushed hard, burying the dildo in my ass and then released it from herself. She turned me over and pushed me further onto the bed before climbing over me until she straddled my face and my entire world was her wet pussy.
I lapped at her pussy, pushing my tongue into her and flicking it around before retracting it and running rings around her clit. After a little while of my focused attention she was cumming hard on my face which was covered in her juices.
Once she was done she moved over and laid against the headboard before pulling me by the hair until I was leaning on her with my back against her chest and sitting on the harness with the dildo still fully in my ass. Her lips found my neck and her magic fingers found my clit and it took me less than a minute before I was cumming so so hard, my ass clamping around it’s destroyer!
Mistress whispered in my ear as I came down from my orgasm “Now do you know the difference between me and a man?”.
It’s Monday today and my ass is still really sore from taking that monster dildo so deep, evening sitting is tender, an added reminder to be careful what I say!
Couples argue, it’s part of being in a relationship, I mean if you got along ALL of the time it would be boring. Those aren’t my words, they’re the words of a vanilla friend who’d fallen out with her boyfriend over something and nothing but I completely agree with her, arguments happen.
However I’m not in a vanilla relationship and if you were to go by some of the more misogynistic opinions on my Tumblr feed then my opinion, as a sub and even as a woman, doesn’t matter in the slightest. That’s fantasy though, I live in the real world.
In the real world I have a high stress job where I have to make decisions all day and my opinion is not only important but is sought by those beneath and above me in the company structure. All of which is sort of irrelevant because I’m not a submissive at work, I’m a submissive at home.
At home I’m subservient in nearly every way to my Mistress, she chooses what I wear, what I eat, what I buy and where I sleep. She chooses who I fuck! When you list it out like that it makes me sound like a mindless zombie just following orders and not thinking for myself but that’s also not true, I don’t just turn off my intelligence and opinions at the front door, it would drive me insane if my opinion was never considered when decisions are made that effect me.
One of the things I love about my Mistress is that she always listens to my opinion, I get to have an input on most things because she values my opinion and in fact she has told me on more than one occasion that my intelligence is one of the things that she finds most attractive about me. At the end of the day Mistress is the one who makes the decisions but the fact that I’ve had an input is important, I don’t think I could be with someone who wanted to run my life for me unilaterally despite how appealing it may sound as a fantasy.
I feel I got sidetracked! The point of the post is that despite our dynamic it’s not all me following orders and her telling me what to do and what to think. Tonight, we had both had a challenging day at work and were a bit…tetchy, a small thing set us off. I was making our evening meal when she came in and poured herself some orange juice and left the bottle on the side, I picked it up and put it back before somewhat vigorously closing the fridge door and things escalated a bit from there.
Was it an overreaction caused by being tired? Probably. Was it unreasonable for me to expect her to put the bottle away rather than making more work for me (the person who tidies the whole house)? No (Her words). Did we both react badly and say unnecessary things? Yes. Did I get caned afterwards? Yes, but not for arguing, that was mutual and Mistress would never punish me for raising an issue with her, the caning was for “slamming the fridge door like a petulant child” or in other words, for being disrespectful to my Mistress. Which is fair enough, my discomfort when sitting today will hopefully pop back into my mind when I feel the need to act that way again.
This is a meandering rant of a post so for that I apologise. I think the point I am trying to make is that whilst we have a slightly less common dynamic than is “normal” and the balance of authority is asymmetrical, we are still a normal couple with equal importance and meaning in the relationship, I think that is something that is often lost amongst all of the bluster and fantasy of D/s relationships.
Some people have commented both here and on my Tumblr that Mistress Fiona is an evil genius after I wrote about her recent penchant for ruining my orgasms, I’d like to put the record straight on this point here and now: you are absolutely correct but you don’t even know the half of it!
I’ve talked here about a few of the more significant things that Mistress has me do, the blow job service for example, but not much about the little things she comes up with that reinforce her position over me but also keep my mind focused on what she wants it focused on.
Here is an example; one day whilst I was in New York we spoke shortly after I got up and before I headed to the office. You’ll remember that I had to wear a vibrating egg and vibrating anal plug whenever I was in the apartment there and she could control them from her phone. Throughout the conversation she had the anal plug on and kept changing the intensity at which it vibrated inside me, she never once mentioned this, it was just something that went on throughout the call and I accepted without question.
When it was time for the call to end so that I could go to work she gave me a simple order, to remove the plug and then spread a generous amount of vaseline between my ass cheeks covering every part that would normally touch. I thought it a strange request at the time but I knew what she was trying to achieve the moment I started walking down the street.
I don’t know how to describe this effectively but I’ll try my best. Your body has a natural way of “being”, your flesh, muscle and fat sit in a certain way and your body is used to it and doesn’t register in your brain when, for instance, your ass cheeks sit against each other and don’t separate or move against each other when you walk. What does register though is if there is some slippery substance that causes your ass cheeks to slide over each other with every movement.
The effect Mistress was hoping for, and the effect she was successful in creating was that I couldn’t move all day without thinking about my ass. For those of you who’ve been fucked in your ass it was like I’d had anal sex and the cum was leaking from my ass, except it felt like it was leaking out all day.
I don’t even really know why but this made me incredibly horny and by the time I got back to the apartment that evening my pussy was easily as lubricated as my ass was. Such a simple thing that made a significant difference to my mindset throughout the day.
In a similar vein of keeping a certain part of my body at the forefront of my thoughts is another trick that she has used several times. Using a pencil she will push a balloon into my pussy and then use a hand pump to inflate it. She doesn’t make it large, painful or even uncomfortable but just large enough for me feel full, then she will tie a piece of string to it and push the remaining part inside me.
Once it is inside only the string protrudes and is hardly noticeable, it’s hard to describe the feeling but any girls reading will understand when I say it feels “full”. It makes me even wetter than usual and the change between sitting and standing creates a noticable shift inside and you can’t help but think about your pussy.
The balloon isn’t inflated enough for there to be any chance of it popping so it’s perfectly safe in terms of it causing injury or being detected by people around you and a few times she has had great fun extracting it later without deflating it first.
Finally one of her favourite things, the kobayashi maru clamp, or that’s what I call it anyway. If you don’t get the reference then, well it’s probably a good thing and I’m not going to explain it for fear of further exposing my geekiness!
The clamp in question is of the type that I would call “binder clips”, the picture on the right shows what I mean. When used on flesh these clips are particularly nasty clamps and once attached it is possible to squeeze the metal handles together and remove them which makes it virtually impossible to open the clip.
Mistress is fond of applying these to various parts of my anatomy and then allowing me to remove them whenever I please. The only effective way to do so though is to pull them off and that is incredibly painful, the level of pain is dependant on where the clamp has been placed, obviously, but also on how long it has been on. Therein lies the particularly devious part, you are extremely reluctant to pull the clip off because you know how much it will hurt but at the same time you are thinking that every minute it stays on it will be worse when it comes off, a no-win situation.
A particularly cruel example of this was when Mistress blindfolded me naked and then attached one of these clamps to each pussy lip, one to each nipple and one to my tongue. She then tied string around them and tied the nipple and pussy ones to the bed head that I was stood next to and the tongue one to a ring in the ceiling. Finally she cuffed my wrists behind my back.
After a lengthy cropping of my thighs, ass and breasts which I was completely helpless to defend myself from, she left the room stating that she would be waiting for me downstairs. Having had my, now numb, tongue pulled up and out of my mouth for some time I had drool all over me and was desperate to get down from my predicament.
Even if Mistress hadn’t removed the handles from the clips it would have been impossible for me to remove them normally so I had no choice but to pull each of the clamps off by moving away from where they were tied.
Thinking it would be easiest I crouched until the string from my tongue was taut and then jerked back, the pain was intense and it felt like my tongue immediately swelled up. Next I did the same sort of motion with my nipples, thinking it would be better to just get it over with I moved until they both felt taut and then yanked. Only one came off which was excruciating in itself but the other one merely dragged across the sensitive skin of my nipple and then pinched unbearable right on the tip of it.
With my knees feeling weak from the strain of the extended bondage, the pain of the whipping and now the systematic abuse of my most sensitive parts I quickly yanked it off the tip of my nipple causing the post pain yet to shoot through my left breast.
Later I found out that Mistress had watch the whole thing with great amusement and arousal as I struggled to free myself from the torturous bondage she had put me in.
The final two were the worst, there was little choice other than to pull them both off at once and this time I was successful in doing so but the pain was out of this world! The clamping pain is one thing, it is very painful but over the years I’ve got used to how it feels, it’s the scraping, scratching sensation that makes it so much worse.
By the time I got downstairs and removed the blindfold my nipples, pussy lips and tongue were all swollen and all had small scratches and cuts on them that stung painfully. Mistress cleaned each one gently and then knelt me in front of her so that I could use my newly enlarged tongue to thank her properly.
P.s. ten points if you can guess the reference of the header image!
A few updates, firstly about this site. The eagle eyed amongst you will have noticed that I have my own domain for the blog now. I used to have a wordpress blog before this one but ended up deleting it, it was painslutlois.wordpress.com and when I restarted blogging back in 2012 I wanted that back but once its been used and deleted you can’t get it back from wordpress so I ended up using secretsubslut.wordpress.com which has served me well.
However, now that I have targets I am trying to make my blog a little more visible and attract more readers to check it out. To that end I upgraded wordpress and got myself a new domain name, www.painslutlois.com, I’ve no idea if it will help me get more readers, time will tell I guess but hopefully it will help.
I’ve also added a search to the site so that if you’re looking for some old content I posted it should be easier to find, a couple of people have asked about it and now you have it!
Secondly life updates, I am back fully at work now and busy although thankfully it doesn’t look as if I’ll need to go back to the states for the moment. Mistress is continuing with her love of ruined orgasms and despite having an amazing one on Saturday I am already desperately frustrated and horny.
On Saturday Mistress took me to watch the The Last Jedi and we played a little game, I wore my lush vibrator and every time Rey came on screen she turned it on full, only turning it off when her scene finished. It was great fun trying to stay outwardly calm whilst my pussy went crazy and I was super horny by the end!
That’s all for now, I’ll write something more interesting as soon as I can x
In the few weeks since I have been home from the states Mistress has discovered something that seems to bring her great joy and it is something, perhaps surprisingly, that I’d never really heard of before.
It started off one morning before we’d even got up, she moved my hands above my head and slid her fingers between my legs which opened eagerly despite me still being half asleep. She found me already a little wet (who knows what I’d been dreaming about!) and gave my pussy a few spanks for “being such a slut”, by which time I was very much awake!
After the spanks she started to circle my clit int he expert way she does and before long I was pushing back at her fingers as she brought me closer and closer. As my hands gripped around handfuls of bed sheet I begged “Oooohh Mistress please can I come?” and she said yes and I let me orgasm go. However, as I did she stopped all stimulation and just held my legs apart.
It’s a bizarre sensation, it’s like your orgasm happens but without the ecstasy, pleasure or release and you’re left feeling incredible unsatisfied and frustrated. That first time I also felt some anger boil up inside me although I didn’t show it, I just let out a panicked and sharp “Noooo!” as my eyes flew open to stare at Mistresses smiling face and she said “Frustrating isn’t it?” and then jumped out of bed leaving me panting and squirming.
I later discovered she’d done it to herself while I was away to see what it was like and had decided there and then it was something she wanted to inflict on me. As regular readers will know, whilst I was single I masturbated twice a day on average and Mistress believes this was extremely self-indulgent and completely unacceptable for a sub. Since I have been hers she has weened me down to cuming only once every other day and only with her permission, usually with her direct involvement.
I’d heard of male ruined orgasms before, basically just stop touching as they cum and their cock spasm and cums but without any continued stimulation it isn’t particularly enjoyable. The same thing for girls was new to me though and I have to say it is really horrible. Every single time I think I won’t let myself get to into it because I know she’s going to ruin it but then every time I get to a point where I’m just all about getting to the orgasm that she then ruins!
She has process for it now, I kneel with my legs spread and the palms of my hands resting right at the top of my inner thighs, basically as close to my pussy as they can get without touching it. Then she uses her expert skills to bring me to the edge, waits for me to ask and then ruins it, it’s torture quite unlike anything I’ve experienced before. It is so hard to maintain my position, my fingers just next to my clit, knowing the slightest touch would prevent the intense frustration.
On Christmas Eve, despite my Mother and Sister being in the house with us she gave me multiple ruins and I was particularly grumpy that night. Then. on Christmas morning after a massively frustrating day before she gave me a real orgasm and I had to bite the pillow to stop me screaming it was so good and I spent the day in the best mood ever!
At the moment I am getting daily ruins and one orgasm per week, it’s really hard to cope with but I am managing so far. A couple of times she has accidentally pushed me over the edge and not stopped in time, those are possible the most fun orgasms because they are naughty but not my fault, event though I get pussy slaps for them.
So that is Mistresses new favourite thing and unfortunately she is getting really good at it, I haven’t had a real orgasm all week and am looking forward to her allowing me one over the weekend, I’m smiling just thinking about it!
A few people have tried guessing which goal I have succeeded in completing already, some got it right and some didn’t but I will be writing about it soon I promise!
Everybody should have goals but submissives in particular need them in my opinion, and I don’t just mean BDSM related goals despite that being the focus here. Submissives have, at their core, a fundamental need to please people, the feeling they get from doing that drives them even if they don’t know it. Achieving a goal, even one set by themselves can elicit similar feelings, as it can in non-submissive people.
Lois has many vanilla goals which have driven her to success academically and career-wise, she is a very self driven person in that respect. However, this has often been at the expense of her person life, relationships and health.
Specifically regarding her BDSM “career”, for want of a better word, those of you who have followed her for a long time will no doubt have noticed that when she is single she loses all focus and randomly flits between different BDSM activities often escalating into more extreme, taboo and dangerous areas the longer she is without direction. For examples see her posts immediately prior to our relationship.
In my opinion she has grown as a submissive and as a person under my guidance over the last year and I fully intend to continue this throughout 2018. To this end we have agreed twelve goals that she is to achieve before the end of the year. It isn’t one a month and there is no order to them, she simply must achieve them all this year.
Some of these are more person goals, for instance her mother asked me to try to get her to call more so that will be one of my goals achieved as well. Others are for her personal growth and obviously there are some fun sex ones too. I think you’ll agree it is a well-rounded set of goals for Lois and that those of your who comment or speak with her will encourage her to achieve them.
Learning from my mistakes 