Stranger danger

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Firstly, I changed the theme on here again, no real reason other than I get bored and fancy a change every now and again, hope you like it!

Months ago, I added a list of fantasies to this blog that I was hoping to make a reality with the help of my friend Luke and I actually knocked one off the list fairly swiftly just before Christmas, however it turns out six months has passed since then and I haven’t gotten any further!

This is much to the frustration of Luke who has put quite a lot of effort into trying to organise things only for me to be busy, out of the country or just generally unhelpful. I’m sorry Luke, life has been a challenge of late and I’ve been on a bit of a roller coaster emotionally through various different things that have happened. I think basically I have lost myself a bit.

I’ve been single since I broke up with Kayleigh which means I’ve been single for 1258 days which breaks down to nearly three and a half years, now that is depressing! You know how they say time heals all wounds, it’s not true. I’ve been in love before and I’ve had long term relationships before and in the scheme of things I wasn’t even with Kayleigh that long but I’m still not over her, not properly.

Partially this is probably due to the fact that she has never completely left my life, despite us not being together and despite the fact I know she has been in at least one relationship since me, she still pops back into my life every now and again to fuck with my head and put me back to square one. The last time was at the end of last year when she “popped round” to catch up, we were literally just having coffee together but she ended up removing my top tying my arms up behind me and making me eat her pussy. Once she came she left, with my arms still tied. I thought she was joking but after a couple of hours I realised she wasn’t coming back and I’d have to escape the rope myself, which took another couple of hours.

I was so horny and excited when she was tying me and I was eager to taste her again but then when I realised she wasn’t coming back I was absolutely devastated, I felt absolutely ridiculous sitting there waiting for her like a good little sub, kidding myself she still felt something for me.

Hannah says she is toxic for me and I should keep her out of my life forever but there is part of me that knows that if she comes calling again I’ll let her do the same thing to me again. She might be toxic but so are alcohol and drugs and people get addicted to those right?

So anyway, I’ve wildly digressed from what I intended this post to be about but suffice to say I’m still quite fucked up over Kayleigh because I think I’m still in love with her and the “concentrating on work” for the past three years has just been my way of trying to deal with it and waiting for her to realise that she still loves me too.

I’m so pathetic!

The actual point of this post is that I enjoyed my little play session with the homeless guy so much that it got me back interested in knocking some of these fantasies off the list. I contacted Luke and we got some things arranged and I’m quite excited.

Next Saturday night I am staying at a (very cheap) hotel about an hours drive from where I live. I will have instructions on what to do once I arrive but it will include me blindfolding myself and waiting to submit to an entire night of whatever the person Luke has arranged wants. I don’t have all the details yet but it is definitely happening on Saturday and it will definitely be someone I have never met before (and never will meet).

I go on holiday for a few days the following week and then at the beginning of July there is large a BDSM party being arranged by an acquaintance of Luke’s and as long as he can organise it I am going to fulfil my fantasy of being an ornament at that party. He hasn’t told me all the details of his plan but the main part of it is that I will be put inside a full body plaster cast for twenty four hours with complete audio and visual sensory deprivation. This sounds horrifically scary and extremely exciting both at the same time.

statueLuke’s description is that he wants me to be a living interactive BDSM statue. The idea of being restrained inside a plaster cast for that length of time seems scary enough, I imagine the muscle pain alone will be agony after a while of being in the same position for a long time but then there is that word “interactive”, which I can only assume means the guests will be able to torture me in some way whilst I’m trapped inside.

I know a few people are really interested in the auction fantasy, that was coming along nicely, arrangements were being made and then I screwed it up by being away for a few weeks and now I don’t know when we’ll be able to remake the arrangements. A few people suggested that there be multiple goes at this and that several people could pay to have me for a week at a time. There is a word for that, prostitution. Whilst I have nothing at all against prostitutes I am not one and Luke isn’t a pimp so that won’t be happening, sorry!

Thank you to those who commented on my previous posts, I really enjoy receiving comments and I always try to answer them, especially if they include questions. I’m really grateful to you for reading my blog and hope you enjoy it, if you do please share it with people who might also be interested on twitter or tumblr or whatever.

For those that don’t know, I also have a Tumblr blog which I update MUCH more often than this one. Mainly I reblog things that I enjoy and answer questions people ask me. If you are interested you can find the blog here.

85 Questions

These 85 questions were posted on my Tumblr and I thought it would make an interesting blog post to answer them all here.

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

Yes, looks are important in a relationship in that they are generally what first attracts you to a person. It’s a little bit different in a D/s relationship though as, for me at least, it is the persons mind and personality that I am most attracted to. So for me personally, looks and even gender are less important than those things.

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

I’m not a good person to ask really, I’ve been single for two years after being really badly hurt which probably isn’t healthy! I think they can be worth it but that not all relationships are.

3. Are you a virgin?

Yes, oh wait, no.

4. Are you in a relationship?

No, see number 2.

5. Are you in love?

Not today.

6. Are you single this year?

Yes.

7. Can you commit to one person?

Yes, absolutely, the problem is getting someone to commit to me!

8. Describe your crush

I don’t really understand what this one means. I don’t currently have a crush on anyone though.

9. Describe your perfect mate

Ugh, I hate questions like this. Intelligent, funny, sarcastic, attractive, female, sadistic, cruel, kind, caring, loving. Not asking for much really.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yes, I’ve experienced it. The problem is that love isn’t always enough.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

It’s not particularly important to me that I do but I would if the right person asked.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Possibly. That’s a very hard question to answer because things are rarely black and white. It depends what the betrayal was and how badly it hurt me, I do have a tenancy to hold grudges!

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Yes, but I can control it when necessary.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Not at the moment. Apart from Kate Beckinsale, I always have a crush on her.

15. Do you have any piercings?

Yes, I have a two inch diameter ball closure ring in my clit.

16. Do you have any tattoos?

No, I had one above my pussy but I had it removed at great expense of time and money.

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Yes, I like kissing a lot, in private or public. I’m not shy of public displays of affection.

20. Do you shower every day?

Yes, often more than once.

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

No. Maybe physical feelings but definitely not emotional.

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

I seriously doubt it but it would be nice.

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Absolutely, I have done. I’m a very submissive person and if I have dedicated myself to someone I am dedicated, unhealthily so at times.

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

Currently it looks highly unlikely!

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

Yes, but it probably won’t happen, apparently no one wants me.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes, but they were lying.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

No.

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

No. Although I’ve had partners who have been with other people with my knowledge, if not consent.

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

No, never. I have had sex with other people whilst in a relationship but only with the other persons consent, and usually on their orders.

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

No. There are things about my body that I don’t like, for instance my boobs are too small but it is what it is. You can’t put skewers through fake boobs!

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Guy: No
Girl: Yes

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Yes, although they said it was requited at first, it only turned out it was unrequited later and it was truly horrendous.

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Yes, more than once!

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

Yes, more than once!

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes, but not a lot older, similar age but older.

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yes, it ended extremely badly, you can read about it here.

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

No I don’t think so. My friends probably wouldn’t like most of the people I have sexual contact with though because they wouldn’t understand the things I like.

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes, the first girl I liked before I realised I liked girls!

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yes, but I only couldn’t have them because they were no longer interested.

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

No. Perhaps a limerick.

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

No. But plans are in motion!

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

About two seconds, assuming my hands are free.

43. How long was your longest relationship?

About two years.

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Boyfriends: 3
Girlfriends: 2

45. How many people did you kiss in 2015?

Two

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

I haven’t got a clue! More than five times but less than twenty probably.

47. How old are you?

Ugh, 31

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I would probably give them some advice to help them get the person they want whilst wishing they wanted me.

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I don’t but when I have had my favourite thing was always their mind.

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

No. Wait, what are the presents? Actually just no.

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

There was, but not at the moment.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Yes, because they didn’t want me any more.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

No, nobody cares who I’m talking to.

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Yes.

55. Share a relationship story.

Read about two!

56. State 8 facts about your body

  • It heals quickly
  • It has boobs that are too small
  • It is 5′10″ high
  • It has a high pain threshold
  • It only has one pubic hair
  • It has a hole through it’s clit
  • It’s eyes are deteriorating
  • It has a dodgy knee that occasionally dislocates

57. Things you want to say to an ex

Fuck you for leading me on and then leaving me in pieces.

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Love me and control me and make me cum!

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

There is a picture of me on my about me page.

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

Depends what is meant by “partners”. Relationships I think it was about eight years, sexual partners about thirty years.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Their eyes.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Tie me up, blindfold me and do whatever they wanted with me no matter how much I protest.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Anything involving two or more of the following:

  • Pussy
  • Cock
  • Ass

64. What is your definition of cheating?

Having sexual physical contact with someone whilst in a relationship with someone else and without their consent. So anything from kissing upwards really. If you feel the need to keep it from your partner then you’re cheating already.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

Being tied up and roughly used to pleasure the other person with my mouth.

66. What is your favourite role play?

I’m not really into role play but if I had to choose it would be some kind of kidnap scenario I imagine.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Probably going for drinks and then a meal so we can talk. At some point in the evening the other person would start to take control, start to tell me what to do without asking permission to do so, I would feel their natural dominance and respond to it.

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Bisexual, leaning towards Lesbian as far as long term relationships are concerned.

69. What turns you off?

Stupidity.

70. What turns you on?

Pretty much anything that would shock and disgust vanilla people.

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

Basically all my dreams are kinky so it’s hard to say which is the “kinkiest”, it depends what you find kinky to be honest. I think it would have to be one where I am completely dehumanised and turned into a sex slave where my only purpose is to serve a group of sadistic perverts.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

Anything commanding or degrading.

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Love me.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

A nice tight ass, on both genders.

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Held me in their arms for hours while I cried and didn’t once try to move me or make me feel better except by letting me stay there.

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I discovered my friend was six months in arrears on her mortgage after being made redundant and was being taken to court to repossess her home. She is proud and would never have told me or asked for help so I paid off her arrears. She never knew, and still doesn’t know, that I was aware of her troubles but when I saw her a few days later she was like a different person, like the weight of the world had been lifted from her.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

They are irrelevant.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

My dirtiest secret is probably that I am a submissive masochistic slut. That’s only a secret from everyone I know in “real” life though not from people on here. My real dirtiest secret would probably be that I was mated by a dog.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

Yesterday when I read this.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Two years ago, about a week before they left me.

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My best friend.

83. Who was your first kiss with?

A guy

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

Because I wasn’t good enough to keep her interest.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

Yes, this is 2016 after all.

That’s it, I think I’ve answered everything as best I can but if you have any questions or comments then feel free to add a comment x

An update and a little help?

Hi there, I don’t know if anyone is still reading this considering how poor I’ve been at actually writing anything new. I’ve actually been looking back through my old posts and it’s appalling how many times I’ve felt the need to apologise for not keeping this blog up to date!

Things have been happening in my life, I’ve actually completed one of my fantasies! “Which one?” I hear you ask, well this one:

  • Have my body modified (in a sexual way) without my prior knowledge of what will be changed

I do intend to write a detailed account of what happened but who knows if or when that will happen so I’ll skip to the end for now. Some of you will be aware that I have a clit piercing, not a hood piercing, a clit piercing where the ring goes through the glans of the clitoris. When I had the piercing done I was given an 18 gauge ring for it and eventually I settled, or rather someone else settled, on a 12 gauge ring (about 2mm) which was locked in place with a dog tag hanging from it although when that relationship ended I removed the dog tag and just kept the ring. 

Why am I telling you this? Well shortly before Christmas that 12ga ring was forcibly replaced with a two inch diameter, 8 gauge (3.2mm!) ball closure ring (BCR) which had some kind of metal adhesive applied to the ball closure to prevent its removal. Now I know a 1.2mm increase may not sound like a lot but it’s a big jump for a piercing and especially for one in such a delicate part of the anatomy, the insertion of the new jewellery was traumatic to say the least but I was securely bound and blindfolded at the time so could offer no resistance beyond my yelps and screams. 

Putting the gauge aside for a moment just imagine what a two inch diameter ring looks like, it’s big trust me, and heavy. When I’m naked it hangs two inches below my pussy and it doesn’t sit very comfortably when wearing underwear, because it is wide it pushes my labia out into an unnatural position and my pussy no longer looks as “tidy” as it used to. 

The new jewellery also caused a problem in that it was pushing against my clitoral hood but they weren’t finished yet, once the ring was securely in place they proceeded to remove a significant portion of my hood. This is the part that, looking back, really turns me on because my body…my pussy has been permanently changed without my consent and that is something I’ve fantasised about for a long long time. 

The end result, now that everything has healed is that my clit has grown larger and is being constantly forced outward by the ring, my hood doesn’t really cover my it anymore so it is fully exposed all of the time and is insanely sensitive. It is now more comfortable to forgo wearing underwear and if I do wear any they are always wet when they come off. Very little stimulation is required for me to orgasm now, I haven’t had sex since it was done but I imagine it will be an intense experience when it happens!

So that’s the first of my fantasies to be marked off the list. I’m assured planing is well underway for at least some of the others and I know it’s true because I’ve done some “testing” for one of them (which was the pretence I was under when subjected to the above). 

The title of this post mentioned “a little help”, well whilst looking through my old posts I found that pictures were missing from several. This, I’ve discovered, is due to Flickr closing my account where the pictures were hosted which is particularly disappointing as they were the only copies I had of some photos of myself, specifically one from this post which was of my original piercing and another which had my dog tag on it. 

It’s a bit of a long shot but I was wondering if anyone who followed then and still follows now saved a copy of any of those pictures, it’s a little nostalgic but I really would like a copy of them. 

That’s my first post of 2016, I’ll write again soon when I have time and something to write about, in the mean time I update my tumblr regularly so follow me there if you’re interested x

Fulfilling my fantasies

So for some time now despite not being particularly active with BDSM I have been having more and more extreme fantasies that never get fulfilled. 

I have made several attempts to carry them out but have found it difficult to locate people who are willing to go as far as I want, are sane and sensible and can work around my ridiculous schedule. I don’t blame anyone, I am very difficult and if I’m honest sometimes flaky which is why I’ve not had a proper relationship since Kayleigh. 

One person who has been a constant in my life is the friend who I spent new year with, which I half wrote about on this blog at the time. There is no romantic interest between us despite him being the man who has fucked me the most times by a long way! We get on and have a similar level of depravity buried inside us. 

So I we were talking about all these fantasies I have that are fairly crazy and he said he would help me fulfill them if I met his conditions, which were:

  • He can be involved in the sessions if it doesn’t ruin the fantasy fulfilment. 
  • He can take photos and video of the sessions for his own private collection that will belong to him. 
  • Once I decide I no longer need to anonymity in the BDSM side of my life he can share the material freely. 
  • Within six months he can use me to fulfill one of his own fantasies with no limits and I cannot refuse. 

I spent quite a while thinking about his demands, the first one I was fine with and I was willing to go with the second because I trust him. The third I was worried about, at some point once I’ve reached a certain point in my career I do intend to stop hiding this side of myself but I’m not sure if I want that moment to be accompanied by a flood of images and video of me spilling online. 

I discussed this with him and he assured me that it wouldn’t happen like that, he would be subtle and probably a little more profiteering than that, possibly setting up a pay site using his material of me, which is both scary and exciting if I’m honest. 

The four demand was just as scary and exciting! However I did force a couple of caveats on him, he is not allowed to permanently change my outward appearance and is not allowed to land me in jail or hospital. He agreed to that. 

All of which means that this new arrangement is agreed and he is underway planning one of my fantasies. I won’t know which one is going to happen, he will just let me know to make some time available and then it will happen. 

I’ve given him a detailed list of the fantasies but have also put a more succinct version on my blog. As I carry out the fantasies I will write about them on here (I promise!) and then link to the post from the fantasy page. 

I hope you like this idea and will enjoy reading about them. If you have any suggestions for things to happen during the fantasies feel free to comment on the fantasy page, my friend does read my blog he just chooses not to post on it (a source of annoyance to me!) so your suggestions may end up being included!

You can see the fantasy page here

Bad plan!

So even with the best intentions the new plan was just as bad as the old plan. However my Tumblr seems to be going quite well, 1063 followers as of right now, go me!

If you haven’t had a look, check it out, it is all things that I like when I see them. 

New Year

So 2014 was a fairly dry year for me in relation to the things you are interested in. Career wise it was a huge year and that is the primary reason everything else has been somewhat neglected. I decided that I wanted to leave my lack of “activity” in 2014 and start 2015 off with a bit of a bang and I had someone in mind who could make it memorable.

I have known this guy for a good few years now, we have played a few times and he is quite rough, for those of you who follow me on twitter he is the guy who wanted to give me a cow shit enema! And for those followers who are interested we haven’t done that yet although he is still keen, me less so but only due to health concerns!

Anyway I got in touch with him and told him I wanted to start 2015 with some fun and he immediately came up with a genius idea. As 2014 had been such a “normal” year we should celebrate it that way, we can go to his cabin (he has a cabin in the woods that he has been trying to get me to go to for ages) and have a nice meal, champagne etc and then just before midnight render me unconscious and then I will wake up in 2015 in a “whole world of BDSM trouble” as he put it.

I had no idea how this could be achieved but I absolutely loved the idea so we both set about doing some research. Obviously my first thought was chloroform, that’s what they always use in the movies to knock someone out. As it turns out it doesn’t quite work like that, chloroform takes a good five minutes to knock you out and you have to receive a steady dose to keep you unconscious, plus where do you get it from? I spoke to my friend and he was way ahead of me, he said he would get a dust mask and put cotton wool balls soaked in chloroform into it and then put it on me. I would slowly inhale it and gradually pass out, then continue to inhale it until he removed it and then I would wake up. It sounded like a good plan to me and not only that he had “sourced” some chloroform (I didn’t ask, I don’t want to know!).

There has never been any “limits” which this guy, he knows how I like to play and I trust him not to go to far, I know he will step up to the line and even onto the line but I know he will never cross it. And stepping on the line is what I really needed.

He met me off the train on new years eve, I’d been with family up until then but had travelled up to him in time to get to the cabin early evening. We chatted on the drive, he told me he had everything planned with a wicked grin in his eye and showed me the unmarked brown bottle of liquid he intended to use to incapacitate me. He also said he never believed for a second that I would go for this idea.

Once we got to the cabin, which is lovely by the way, he took all our bags inside making sure I couldn’t see what he had in his clunky “toy bag”. Then we settled in and had a glass of wine before both trying out the chloroform, it is crazy stuff. It smells sweet and after a few breaths you can really feel it start to take effect, your mind sort of goes fuzzy.

The evening was very normal, we watched TV, had a couple of drinks and I made us some food, nothing too heavy as I didn’t want it ruining the fun later. Then before we knew it my alarm went off to say it was 11:30, time to get ready.

He told me p to strip, put on a blindfold and kneel in the nadu position whilst he prepared things. As I knelt there, naked and knees spread I could feel the wetness begin to build. I could hear him moving furniture and clattering around and then I could sense him back near me. His hands came round my body and roughly squeezed my tits, the first time he had touched me all night. I didn’t try to stop him, I was his now to do with as he pleased.

One hand went between my open legs and he easily slid two fingers into me, I was so wet. He retracted his fingers and then I felt at my mouth and instinctively opened, his fingers were coated in my juices and my mouth was filled with the taste of my pussy for the first time in months.

He whispered “ready?” in my ear and I nodded, then the mask was placed over my face and I could smell the chemical sweetness. I knelt for a minute as my head began to go fuzzy then my blindfold was suddenly removed and he was in front of me watching me slowly fade away, it was the most surreal experience of my life (I’ve never done drugs or anything). The last thing I remember is him helping me to my feet and leading me over to the dining table, then nothing.

When I woke up I was completely disoriented and it took at least a minute for me to realise where I was and what was happening to me. I was bent over the end of the dining table, there was a strap over my lower back holding me down and my wrists were bound behind my back. My legs were spread wide and secured to the table legs, I couldn’t move at all even if I hadn’t felt completely dizzy.

As my mind came back I could feel more, he had put some kind of clamps on my nipples which were pure agony, my pussy was filled to breaking point with some huge toy and he was fucking my ass hard and fast. I remember feeling a tingle as he fucked me and wondering what lube he had used, my mind was surprisingly ordered like it hadn’t caught up which what was actually happening to me yet.

I still hadn’t come round fully when he pushed balls deep into my ass and I gasped while he pumped his cum into me. He laid on top of me for a couple of minutes which gave me vital time to come round. My pussy and nipples were agony and my ass, which hadn’t been fucked in a long time, was aching as well. I got a brief relief as he pulled out but almost instantly he was pushing a sizable plug in to replace his cock.

He released the strap on my back and checked on me to make sure I was ok, I nodded I was and he smiled his evil grin and told me to try and stand up. I was a bit stiff but tried to move the top half of my body upwards and was immediately met with intense pain in my nipples. I looked down and lifted myself just a little, I could see two U shaped nails had been hammered into the table and one leg from each one went straight through one of my nipples.

It is now very late so I am going to leave the story there for now, I will post again soon (I promise) and finish telling you about my new year and then I hope to post periodically as and when I have an interesting story in 2015.

Happy New Year everyone x

What is it like?

I’ve had a lot of questions recently about what it is like to wear this infernal chastity belt for so long so I thought I would just write a short post about it.

The belt is all metal, very close-fitting as it was made to measure and for the most part reasonably comfortable. I say “comfortable” but it is a rigid piece of metal that runs from my back between my ass cheeks, through my legs and up over my pubic bone to meet a horizontal piece that goes around my waist just above my hips.

The belt piece is shaped ergonomically so it sits reasonably well on my hips but it still rubs from time to time. My ass cheeks are permanently pushed apart which was uncomfortable at first but I got used to it quite quickly. The groin part sits firmly against my skin, I can get maybe the very tip of my finger under it but that is it, it covers the whole area between my legs and widens up the front over my pussy and pubic bone preventing any access to my pussy. The main belt has a narrow slit that runs over my pussy, this is to pee out of, it is small but you could insert something narrow into it. However, my belt has a secondary shield over that one which has small holes drilled into it. It still allows pee out but there is no way t get anything in. I was very thorough when I bought the belt, unfortunately.

The belt is OK to lie down in but uncomfortable to sit in, you have to sit in a certain way other wise it digs in but that too I have now got the hang of.

So many people have asked about hygiene in the belt which I think is weird but really who am I to judge?! So periods would be a huge drama in the belt so I have taken my contraceptive pill continuously throughout the time wearing the belt which thankfully has prevented any periods. Peeing is fine although can be a bit messy as it doesn’t always come out of the same place, I have learnt to let it out slowly so that it trickles out of the belt. The only problem is that I obviously can’t wipe myself so if I am at home I generally have a shower (or a partial shower) afterwards and clean the area, if I am not at home I carry a little water spray with me and use that to rinse myself before using paper to dry the belt as much as possible.

Going to the bathroom for a number two is horrible and messy, there is an anal hole in the belt which is small and it gets covered in mess, I basically have to have a shower straight afterwards and spend a lot of time cleaning myself up. I have fond that a bottle brush pushed through the anal hole (not into my asshole) is the most effective way of cleaning it. Obviously I only do this at home but then I only ever go for a poo there anyway.

I need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and I have tried various things to achieve that in the belt. You can;t get anything in there so that is out, applying vibration to the outside of the belt just vibrates in the wrong places, it is arousing but not enough which is just frustrating! You could, technically insert something thin into my ass but really what would be the point?

So that is that, I am massively sexually frustrated, I think about sex 100% of the time and have daydreamed of having various sexual liaisons with almost everyone I work with and all my friends as well as complete strangers. I have become very flirty with everyone, even girls who work in sandwich shops who are clearly straight (I quite like my sandwich shop girl!).

I am very much looking forward to getting free of this thing and enjoying a hot bath and many, many orgasms!

Careful what you wish for

I’ve started to write this blog post so many times but I’ve just not been able to get the creative juices flowing enough to write anything worth posting. Maybe my creative juices are connected to some other juices that I’ve been having some issues with for the last eight and a half weeks.

Yes, thats right it has been THAT long and trust me when I say I have felt every single minute of it tick by like time has slowed to half speed.

So far I have collected ten keys which I would be quite pleased about if it wasn’t for the fact that I didn’t expect there to be ten keys in the first place and that I still have no idea how many more keys there are to go.

I’ve been to Edinburgh, Glasgow, London, Leeds, Newcastle, Newquay, Birmingham, Manchester, Oxford and Sheffield for the keys I have retrieved. I haven’t added it up but I think I’ve travelled a fair distance in my quest for freedom from this infernal device!

For those that don’t know I have quite a high sex drive, normally I have a minimum of one orgasm per day and that keeps me ticking over quite nicely however I have only ever cum a handful of times without some sort of clitoral stimulation and the chastity belt does an exceptional job of preventing that. So I was pretty badly horny after a couple of days and after a couple of weeks I was going crazy. I literally cried myself to sleep on several occasions because I was so frustrated.

The belt is fairly comfortable, for a foreign body locked around you 24 hours a day, but it does rub sometimes and I have had nights where I just couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t get comfortable in bed with it on. Wearing it under clothes isn’t as difficult as you might imagine, it is quite invisible under jeans and thicker tops and now that the weather has gone colder that is all the easier. For work I wear a business suit and I bought some thicker blouses so that the top of the belt wouldn’t be visible through them. It’s actually quite comfortable to wear it with a knee length skirt as there is no chance of anyone seeing it and once I’d relearned how to walk, sit and cross my legs normally it was fine. The only thing you have to be very conscious of is knocking it against things, even through clothes it makes a very metallic sound when it hits something solid so you have to be careful of that.

Hannah posted to say I was sulking and she wasn’t wrong, I’ve gone through a lot of emotions over these weeks from super crazy horny to totally depressed to happy (ish), it has been a real motion all roller coaster! The belt is so effective for me and for a long time I just wanted to cum, it occupied all of my thoughts and I tried at length to make it happen but failed. Then I begged and begged and made all sorts of promises to Hannah if she would just let me out but it turns out she has honestly forgotten the combination for the safe and retrieving the keys really is the only way out. She is still stubbornly refusing to tell me how many keys there are as well, her standard response being “you TOLD me not to say!”, which is technically true I suppose.

My “fuck buddy” friend situation isn’t going so well, I suspect he is getting bored with not being able to fuck anywhere but my mouth (which he has done a lot of late) but I think the problem is more his lack of creativity. I haven’t told him that because it isn’t part of our agreement for me to have input on how he uses me but he reads my blog so I guess this is me expressing my opinion!

Hannah has been acting quite the Domme through this whole thing, I think she is quite enjoying holding this over me, it might be interesting to see where that goes in the future.

I think that is all I have to say right now, not that exciting an entry I grant you but at least it’s an entry! I will try and post a bit more often, I know I’ve been pretty lax of late.

Last thing before I go, this is the porn I’ve been looking at of late (which by the way is a terrible idea when you’re in chastity but I can’t help myself!):

Body Writing Humiliation, Rope Bondage (esp. Crotch ropes), Severe Prolonged Predicament Bondage, Extreme Body Mods

Slutty bird song

Does anybody know any good BDSM related people to follow on twitter? I’ve followed a few but they tend to either just retweet other people quotes, tweet links to kink.com previews or just talk nonsense!

I don’t really know what I’m looking for in a tweeter (twitterer?), I think just some intelligent commentary on life as a dominant or submissive or something like that.

Any ideas are welcome in comments!

For those that don’t know, my shockingly unoriginal twitter account is @painslutlois

My tattoo design

I’ve been having some initial thoughts on the design for the tattoo that I want. As I’ve mentioned before I want it to incorporate different BDSM related symbology as well as look pretty and represent who I am. I’m definitely not an artist but I’ve had a go at a first design and wanted to know what people thought, if there are any artists out there will to help me out, I’d love to see this concept drawn up by someone who knows what they are doing!!

Tattoo Design v1

To explain it a little, the symbol in the middle is obviously the BDSM Emblem which is made up of vines which then circle around and look pretty, ending in roses at either side, one open and one closed. There is no symbolism to one being open and one being closed that I know of, I just liked the asymmetry of it. The “Salope de Douleur” as you will know from my previous posts means “Pain Slut” in French, again no real reason for the French other than its a beautiful language and the words are not easily recognisable to English speakers. Finally there is the hanky on the left hand side (right hand side as you look at it), this is a reference to The Hanky Code, it would be orange which when worn on the left signifies you want “Anything Anytime”!

I’d like to put more subtle symbology into it but I don’t know of any more at the moment, I will keep search but suggestions are welcome.