Standards of dress

StandardOfDress

If you read my last post, maybe even voted in the poll there, you will know that the views of this post will determine how many needles Miss Fiona will be pushing into my breasts as punishment for looking at my WordPress stats, you guys are mean! In hindsight I should have made it “unique visitors” rather than views but I guess it’s too late for that now.

A few people have asked me, now that I am a domestic servant as well as a sexual submissive, whether I have a uniform for when I’m cleaning and things. I’m sure most people are thinking something along the lines of a french maid outfit?! Well the simple answer is no, I don’t have any uniforms and in fact dressing up and role play of that fashion isn’t something that interests me or more important Mistress.

The parts of our relationship that made me a maid, cook, cleaner etc are a fairly mundane part of it for both of us, less so for her because it amuses her to sit around while I clean up around her. The main goal of it, I believe, is to reinforce my place in our relationship and to relieve her of having to do things that need doing but she doesn’t want to do.

The long answer is a little more complicated because whilst I don’t have a uniform per-se I do have to abide by Miss Fiona’s “Standards of Dress” for her submissive. That sounds like there is some formal document that describes exactly how I should dress but that isn’t the case, in fact the whole concept is what the solicitor in me would call very “fluffy” because it is very open to interpretation. I’m not sure if that is intentional in order to give me a little freedom in what I wear or to give me the proverbial rope to hang myself with.

That said, there are some hard and fast rules to live by regarding underwear:71uiPKxasML._UY445_

  • All underwear must be lingerie
    It might surprise some of you that I’m not actually allowed to go without underwear unless specifically told to. I’m not allowed to even own “normal” underwear.
  • Bra and knickers (aka panties!) must be a matching set
    Or at the very least they should be coordinated enough to look like a set.
  • Stockings should always be worn instead of tights (pantyhose)
    And they should always be worn with a garter belt (that matches my underwear), they should never hold ups.

Basically the overriding theme of the above is that at any point in any day I should be able to take off my outer clothes and look sexy, even on my period. It’s a lot more work than you think to be mindful of how you would look in your underwear all of the time, at work, at the gym or when sitting on a train for hours going to visit my mum.

When I’m at work obviously I need to look professional but at the same time Mistress wants me to look…well the way she put it was “girly”. So all of my suits are now skirt suits, no more pant suits and all are fitted. Any suits that were loose-fitting I had to either get altered or give away. The same goes for the blouses that I wear with the suits, anything baggy went to a charity shop, all my work clothes are now fairly tight-fitting and “show off my body”.

Speaking of my body, as an aside, Mistress is now closely monitoring and controlling my weight now. I say closely, she doesn’t go to the level of telling me what to eat put she has decided what weight I should be for my body to be the right size and “curviness” that she likes and let me tell you, it’s a fairly specific range of only two pounds and deviating above or below it earns me an unpleasant punishment whereby she does tell me what to eat and it’s definitely not what I want.

Anyway, when I’m out but not at work I’m allowed to wear what I want as long as 1) I’m wearing lingerie underneath and 2) I look attractive, girly and not in any way scruffy. To be honest I never really looked scruffy when I went out before but in the same vein of honesty I definitely slummed about at home in worn out pyjamas or even naked, when my sister was out.

The basic guideline for every day clothing is that it should be body hugging so I can wear jeans, tops, jumpers, whatever as long as it looks nice and shows off my body which isn’t a lot different to how I would have dressed anyway, the only real difference being that floaty bohemian type dresses and oversized jumpers and tops are out.

nakd_slip_lingerie_dress_1013-000075-0002-4282In bed I wear a slip, for those who don’t know what that is one of the ones I have is pictured to the left, it’s basically a lingerie version of a nightie. The only issue I’ve come across with this rule is when I stayed at my mum’s for a few days and bumped into her on the way to the bathroom just before bed. She though I was, and I quote, “a bit overdressed for sleeping at home”.

The times that I don’t dress like this at night are when I am not actually sleeping in bed. Since I moved in with Mistress I’ve slept on the floor, in the cage, outside (in the rain) and in all those cases I wasn’t allowed to wear clothes at all.

The reason I slept outside is because Mistress is a duvet hogger, one night about an hour after we went to bed I woke up cold because once again Mistress had rolled over and pulled the duvet off me completely. I was a little perturbed by this so I yanked it back flipping Mistress over in the process. She was not at all impressed with that rude awakening and pulled me out of bed by my hair and walked me to the back door, then demanded my slip before pushing me out of the door, locking it and going back to bed.

In fact, the only time I can truly just wear what I want without having to think whether Mistress would be satisfied with my choice is when I am in the shower in just my birthday suit.

I hope this post isn’t too boring, I always wonder when I write more informative pieces about my day-to-day life rather than the more erotic sexual stuff whether anyone actually cares how I am supposed to dress or if they are just waiting for me to talk about things like how Miss Fiona ruined my favourite sex toy for me by torturing me with it for hours on end (spoiler for my next post there!).

Addendum:

Marc asked about shoes in the comments so I thought I’d add a bit about that. The answer is basically “heels”! I’m not allowed to wear flat shoes except for one exception, when I’m at the gym. I can wear my trainers (sneakers?) at the gym and am generally allowed to be barefoot at home but if I’m out it’s always heels. The good part about that is that I was “forced” to go out and buy a load of new shoes so that I had heeled shoes for every occasion, work, evening and casual. It was a hard job but what choice did I have!?

A new story

strangeronthetrain

I had intended writing about my collaring for today but I’ve been a bit tied up, not literally unfortunately, and haven’t finished writing about that yet and I want to do the experience justice so I’ve going to save it for next week.

Instead I’ve finished a new story that I’ve been working on for a little while, it’s called Stranger on a Train, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It’s a long time since I’ve written any fiction stories so please feel free to give critique, it will help me when I write more stories (there’s at least one more in the works!).

If you want to read any of my other fiction stories you can find them all on the stories page.

Christmas & New Year

Christmas.jpg

I always go home to my mum’s house for Christmas and the only difference this year is that I travelled with my sister, for those that aren’t aware my sister had some trouble in her life and ended up moving in with me earlier in the year so it made sense to go home together.

In previous years I’ve entertained myself by getting people online to set little tasks for me. For example one year I was told to wear a short skirt and to remove my underwear and masturbate with a bullet vibe until I came, all whilst still in my seat. Fortunately no one sat next to me and I was able to put a large coat over my legs so that I could discreetly remove my thong (still very difficult in a train seat!) and slide my hand and vibe up my skirt. It sounds easy but cumming without looking like you’re cumming is incredibly difficult!

Another year, in fact I think this was last year, I knelt on the piss soaked floor of the train toilet and thoroughly cleaned the toilet bowl (inside and outside) with my tongue whilst a butterfly vibe buzzed against my pussy. I think when people tell you to do that or read about it they don’t actually realise how much strength and self control a submissive has to have to force themselves to do that, to lick a strangers piss and pubic hair off a public toilet and swallow it.

Anyway, Christmas was really good and relaxing and I had a lovely time with my family. However during the time between my days in the room and Christmas I’d become really close with Miss Fiona, we’d spent a lot of our time together and things between us had really started to build up fast. So the time apart from her felt really strange and that’s when I started to realise how strong my feelings for her had become.

I really think it happened during the week in the room, no one has ever done anything like that for me before and the amount of love I felt from her at the end of it really affected me. We spoke for over two hours on the phone on Christmas day (much to the amusement of my mother and sister) and we arranged to have “our Christmas” on the 28th.

I bought her a few nice vanilla presents and a couple of less vanilla ones, she bought me a personal shopper experience in the Angel Suite at Victoria’s Secret in London with a very generous budget! It’s an amazing gift and the only caveat is that she has to come with me and will have final say on what I buy, I can live with that!

After the present giving she sat me down (on the sofa, I’m usually on the floor!) with a glass of wine and told me that she had been thinking about it a lot, especially over Christmas and that she wanted to officially collar me. I’ve had this conversation before (obviously) and it’s always a strange one because despite the dynamic you are already in this conversation has to be had on an equal footing.

negotiation

If you’re thinking about the contract negotiation scene from fifty shades (haha) then don’t, it wasn’t in any way like that! We discussed what we would expect from each other and sort of agreed terms, but not like a negotiation, more like two people talking about what they want from a relationship and making sure they both understand where they stand in it.

It was a really good conversation and I think it helped us both put our doubts and concerns about each other to rest. Once all that was out of the way Miss Fiona quite excitedly told me that she wanted to have a collaring ceremony! Nothing crazy just some of our friends coming round for a dinner party with my formal “Collaring” taking place during the evening.

This is something I’ve never really done, not so formally anyway. It sounded like fun though so the date was set for New Years Ever, in attendance would be Miss Hannah and her sub, Sir Davis and his sub Sophie (you don’t know about these two yet but you will when the relevant post goes out, Sophie is the girl I taught lesbian sex to!) and Miss Fiona and myself. Miss Fiona would host the event at her house and arrange everything.

I’m going to write about the events of that evening in my next “non-sex” post next week, I’m hoping by making these posts shorter but more frequent I can keep up the increased post rate that I promised!

Thank you to all the new people who have followed my blog recently, it really makes it worthwhile when I look at the stats and see that people are actually reading this stuff, and thank you for the comments as well, I love reading them and replying so keep them coming.

If you are on twitter I’ve started doing that a bit more, my username is @painslutlois, and if you like tumblr then I also have a blog on there where I mainly repost things that I like and sometimes post a picture of myself!

Dogging week: Monday

1

I arrived at the car park just before 10:30pm and parked up where I thought the image I had been sent showed, there was a patch of woodland in front of me with fields either side of it and it was really quite dark. The only other car in the car park was a van that I could see in my mirrors although it was completely dark and looked empty.

I turned my car off and then quickly slid my tracksuit bottoms (aka sweat pants) off and did the same with my t-shirt leaving them on the passenger seat with the towel I had brought. I wore tracksuit bottoms and no underwear because I knew I would be naked for the meeting and didn’t want indentations on my skin from underwear or tight clothing, vain I know.

I took a deep breath and got out of the car, walked around the front of it and turned around to face the car, I  pressed the button to lock the doors illuminating my nakedness in orange. My heart was racing as I stared at the van, hoping it was the correct one and I wasn’t exposing myself to some unsuspecting person, my nervousness grew over the next couple of minutes while nothing happened and I was just about to get back in my car and leave when I heard movement near the van, then I heard the clear sound of dogs barking.

I watched as a women of similar age to me, slightly bigger but with nice curves walked directly towards me with two huge dogs on leads (leashes) and crawling next to the dogs was a man, completely naked and also on a dog lead.

It was a little chilly but I could still feel the heat building between my legs as they reached me, the woman said “Lois?” (presumably in case she had got the wrong naked girl standing in the car park!) and I smiled nervously and said yes. She immediately pushed the fingers of her free hand between my legs and then up between my lips, I couldn’t help but gasp as her fingers ran over my clit and she held them up to show me the wetness on them, then she held them out to the dogs who both licked my pussy juice off them. I had a pretty good idea where this was going at that point and I was very wet but also very nervous.

She placed a leather collar around my neck and buckled it, it was old and worn and looked like an actual dog had worn it before, then she clipped on a leash and said “DOWN” in the same way you would to a dog. I was blushing as I got down onto all fours and sort of slotted into a space between one of the dogs and the naked man. Now I was at his height I could see was also about my age and that he had a full on erection.

It was quite hard and slow going as she lead us through the woodland on our hands and knees, there were plenty of twigs and roots that really hurt when they dug in but she was quite tough, constantly pulling at the leads even when her husband or I stumbled or fell. Eventually we arrived at our destination, a small clearing in the woods where a tree had fallen. She tied up the other three and lead me to the middle and then positioned me how she wanted me, I don’t know if you’ve watched Crufts but it was like when they put the dog on the table and make them stand a certain way, it was quite humiliating, she had her hands all over me groping and probing.

She went over and got her husband, walking him in front of me on his lead and making him sit in front of me with his very hard cock almost touching my face. I wasn’t allowed to use my hands (or paws as she put it!) whilst she sat on the log and watched me suck her husbands cock for about ten minutes straight, I glanced over at her a couple of times and she had her hand up her skirt. After about ten minutes she came over to us and I felt her lubed finger pushing into my ass, then she took his lead and moved him round behind me and told him to “mount her”.

He pushed straight into my ass thanks to the lube and wasted no time thrusting into me while she crouched in front of me, pulled my head back with my hair and kissed me. It was a long invasive kiss which I reciprocated, running my tongue around hers while her husband pounded my ass until he grunted and came inside me. He almost immediately pulled out and by the time she ended the kiss and I looked around he was back with the other dogs.

Next she brought over one of the huge real dogs, I watched as she lead him over and he immediately went for my ass, licking at where I’d just been fucked and pushing his tongue slightly into me, a strange but pleasurable sensation. She let him tongue my ass for a few minutes and then moved him in front of me, his cock was already out of his shaft so when she positioned him sideways in front of me his cock was right in my face and I could smell the musty doggy scent of it. She gave me my orders and then kept the dog still as I took his cock in my mouth and began sucking him, running my lips up and down his shaft and tonguing it all over.

Dogs cocks are a very different shape to humans and when they get aroused enough to cum their cock bulges at the base, it’s called the ‘knot’ and is meant to trap the dogs cock in the bitch to improve the chances of a successful mating. His knot began to bulge just outside of my lips and she told me to put my hand tightly around his cock behind the knot, within thirty seconds of me doing that he pumped his cum into my mouth. I think people say that dogs have a lot of cum but they really don’t, it filled my mouth but none spilled out and on her order I swallowed the very salty dog cum and then as soon as I let go of his cock he ran off and laid down to lick himself.

After a brief rest, during which she asked me if I was ok and and smiled and said yes, she told me to get back on all fours and positioned me again before beginning to play with my pussy, rubbing my clit and pushing her fingers inside over my g-spot until I was getting very horny and wet, then she sprayed something from a bottle onto my pussy before spreading my lips and spraying it directly into my hole (which felt weird).

She went and got the last dog and brought him to the front of me, same position and same job for me, I took his cock in my mouth and started to suck but this time the dog was more agitated and kept trying to jump up on top of me until she said “ok, ok” and then took my lead and the dogs and lead us over to the fallen tree. She leant against it and lifted her skirt revealing her pussy with a small strip of hair on it which she directed my head towards.

I knew what was going to happen as I buried my face in this strangers pussy and went to work on her clit, the dog was jumping up on my back and then down and then up until eventually he wrapped his front paws around my thighs and started humping. He had a lot of trouble finding the stop, his hard cock was jabbing into me everywhere except my pussy and almost went up my ass once but then her husband was beside me and guided the dogs cock into my waiting hole, then he really started to hump.

I moaned into her pussy as the dog pounded my pussy hard and fast, I could feel his knot hitting my opening with every thrust and could also hear her moaning and saying “oh my god, he’s really fucking her, good boy Brucy” and then after a minute or so she said “I’m gonna come, grab his knot” and then the dog thrust into me and stilled as she came on my face and then I felt his cock twitching as he came inside me.

Her husband had kept the knot out of me and as soon as the dog was done he pulled out and ran off to lick himself whilst the hand on the back of my head kept my face in her pussy until she’d come down.

The walk back to the car park was uneventful but equally hard on my knees, I could also feel cum leaking from my ass down to join the dog cum leaking from my pussy and running down my thighs. When we got back to the edge of the car park she sent her husband to put the dogs away and sat down on the floor, pulling me between her legs with my back leaning on her whilst she pushed her hand between my legs and rubbed me to orgasm, which I was very grateful for considering I’d been close several times but hadn’t come yet!

She kissed me on the lips before leaving.

The Room

6

Many many things happened with me in the last month, some good, some bad but they culminated in me having a really good and positive start to the new year.

Back at the beginning of December I was starting to feel quite unwell, I was having dizzy spells and had fainted a few times including once at work. Then one day my vision started to go blurry and Miss Fiona insisted that I went to see a doctor.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had these symptoms though, a few years ago I went through all of the same things and the cause was essentially stress. At the time I was having personal problems and was under a huge amount of pressure at work though and things weren’t particularly bad this time so I was a little worried if I’m honest.

Miss Fiona made an appointment for me and when I arrived at the doctors she was there waiting to go in with me. At this point our relationship hadn’t really gone that far and this felt a little pushy to me but looking back now it was the start of things getting really good between us. After Miss Fiona had ensured I’d disclosed every tiny detail of the past few weeks the doctor said that I had “Acute Fatigue with a level of Stress” and signed me off work for a week.

It wasn’t actually very convenient to be off work that week, in fact it was impossible so I spoke with one of the partners and agreed to take the following week off as leave rather than being signed off.

As it turned out Miss Fiona had some ideas about how to help me relax and recuperate during my week off, she refused to tell me what they were and instead asked me to submit to her 24/7 for the week. I would stay at her house from Sunday to Saturday and must follow the rules that she set for me.

I was a little dubious about this, as I mentioned we’d had a few dates and were getting on well but our relationship was progressing quite slowly by design and it was a big leap to go from that to something 24/7 especially when I didn’t really know what would be involved. That said I was really starting to harbor strong feelings for her so in the end I agreed to her terms.

On the Saturday Miss Fiona had arranged and paid for me to have colonic hydrotherapy (aka colonic irrigation) which is something I’ve never done. Weirdly considering I’ve had many enema’s I was nervous and more than a little embarrassed by this but the girls there were really nice and talked me through it all. It was an interesting and quite satisfying experience.

collarI arrived at her house at midday on the Sunday and as soon as I was in the door with my suitcase full of clothes and makeup etc she told me I wouldn’t be needing any clothes because I was going to be naked for the entire week apart from the leather collar that she then produced. It had two chains running from a D-ring in the front, each of which had a matching leather cuff on the end.  Whilst still stood just inside the (thankfully closed) front door she had me strip and then turn and kneel so she could fasten the collar around my neck and lock it, then I stood again so she could fasten and lock the cuffs to my wrists.

She held my wrists and pulled my arms straight, only I couldn’t straighten them properly because of the chain and I realised the chains were just long enough to prevent me reaching my pussy. She saw the realisation hit me and grinning before turning and saying “Come”.

She led me upstairs and into her spare bedroom, past the double bed which was covered in a pile of clothes, and into her walk in wardrobe which was empty. It is basically a small room with a solid wooden door and a small window that overlooks her spacious garden. It has rails along both sides of it but all the clothes had been removed and the only thing in the room was a cat’s litter tray, a small inflatable bed and a bottle of water and a glass. After she had explained everything to me whilst I knelt on the floor she closed the door.

These were the my rules for the week:

  • I was not to leave the room without Miss Fiona (the door wasn’t locked)
  • I was not allowed to pleasure myself in any way (the chains were there to help)
  • I had to finished the 2l bottle of water every day (it was replaced each morning)
  • I had to eat whatever food was left for me
  • The litter tray was for me to pee in
  • I would be allowed 30 minutes bathroom time each day
  • We would eat an evening meal together but we could not talk about the arrangements or rules until the following Saturday unless it was urgent

That first day I was really regretting agreeing to the arrangement, within minutes I was bored and after a couple of hours I was getting sorely tempted to open the door. I’d find out later that Miss Fiona had been sat on the other side of the door the whole time waiting to see how I would react.

After a while, I’d lost track of how long, the door opened and she led me downstairs and into the kitchen where she had prepared us a meal. The food was very healthy and I later found out that my diet for the week had been carefully selected with advice from the clinic where I got the colonic. We talked about various things, she makes me laugh a lot which I like and whilst our dynamic is always present she doesn’t make me feel in any way inferior to her, it’s hard to describe but in my opinion it is the perfect way to be dominant.As soon as we’d finished she asked if I needed the bathroom, I didn’t so she lead me back to the room and the door was closed again.

She has smart lights in her house and the closet light is on a motion sensor so that it turns on when you walk in, however I’d find that it was also on a timer so at 9:30 it stopped turning on and there was only the dim ambient light from the window to see by, not that there was anything to see. The bed was surprisingly comfy once I found a position where the chains weren’t under me and I fell asleep shortly after the lights went off which is very early for me.

I only woke up when the door opened the next morning, it was the best sleep I’d had for months. The collar and chains stayed on whilst I used the toilet and had a shower, I dried myself and brushed my hair (I wasn’t allowed to dry it) whilst Miss Fiona showered and then she had me blow dry and brush her hair for her. It was nice to do such a simple task and not have to worry about getting ready for work or what I had to do once I got there, it felt very relaxed.

Once I’d done her hair she put me back in my room and then about half an hour later she opened it again, dressed fully in her work clothes and left a fresh bottle of water, various pieces of fruit and a cling film covered bowl of couscous salad before giving me a kiss and closing the door again.

I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about this before but I have a routine, I wake up in the morning about twenty minutes before I need to be up and my hand slides between my legs and I think about whatever naughty things that get me wet that particular day and I bring myself to a silent satisfying climax before I get up and shower ready to start the day. Then in the evening when I slide into bed I curl up on my side and the same hand slides between my legs to finish my day off the way I like to. This has been my routine for literally years and strange as it may seem, not masturbating is just not natural for me.

Miss Fiona knows all about this, hence the chains and cuffs. Yes she had ordered me not to touch myself but she also knows me well enough to know I’d find that extremely difficult, especially when there is literally nothing else to occupy my mind.

So I laid on the bed in my empty little room and started to fantasize about all sorts of perverted things that I can’t remember now, my hands rubbed across my nipples and then instinctively went for my pussy until the chains stopped them. The other thing that I’m sure I’ve mentioned before is that I need clitoral stimulation to cum, it’s pretty much impossible to get me over the edge in any other way and by this point I was extremely horny and getting increasingly frustrated so I decided to think about something else, it was either that or risk my sanity!

I was drinking a lot more than I usually do because it was one of my rules and also because it was something to do. The problem is that drinking a lot has one inevitable consequence and I couldn’t hold it off any longer. I moved the tray so that I could put a foot either side and then squatted over it and let go. For some reason it made me blush despite the fact that no one was in the room with me, it made me feel a little inhuman. Fortunately she’d left a roll of paper so I wiped and then went back to looking out of the window.

windowThat was pretty much how it went for the first half of the week….get up and use the toilet before having a shower and brushing my hair. Brush and dry Miss Fiona’s hair and then back to my room. Spend the next nine hours mindlessly looking out of the window, day dreaming and having absolutely zero stress. Do some exercise by running on the spot or doing sits up and press ups. Be let out of my room to change my tray and enjoy a healthy meal and some conversation with Miss Fiona and then back to my room for the night and more tie with myself.

There were a few changes starting on Wednesday when she let me come and sit on the floor next to her for half an hour while she watch TV. She laid my head on her knee and gently stroked my hair whilst she watched, occasionally she would dip her finger in her glass of wine and put it to my lips and I would suck it off her finger tip, it tasted divine.

On the Thursday when she left my food and drink for the day she also left a children’s colouring book, a “Frozen” one, and some colouring pencils. It sounds ridiculous but I was so excited by this at the time because it was something for me to do and put my mind to, even if it was a very simple task. I spent most of the day very neatly colouring in pictures of the Elsa and Anna, it was very therapeutic.

On Friday morning Miss Fiona unlocked my cuffs and removed them, disconnecting the chains from my collar which remained in place. She didn’t say anything about it, just removed them and left for work leaving me with a teenagers jewellery making kit. I spent the day making a bracelet for my sister and a really intricate necklace for Miss Fiona and didn’t touch myself once, not because I didn’t want to though. For some reason I was so nervous presenting the necklace to her at dinner but she seemed to really love it and bizarrely that made me so happy that I cried! I cried for about half an hour with no idea why and she held me tight the whole time without asking me any questions or trying to make me talk about it, then she put me back in my room and I fell sound asleep.

In the morning she didn’t let me out, I woke up and there was a one litre bottle of water with a hint of lemon and some fruit already in the room. I ate and drank, enjoying the flavoured water immensely and waited really quite patiently. Eventually the door opened and a naked Miss Fiona lead me to the bathroom where she’d run a very deep bubble bath which she climbed into and then helped me in with her and I laid there against her soaking until we were all wrinkled.

We dried each other afterwards and then climbed into her bed and made slow, sensual, sweet vanilla love to each other for hours.

On the face of it this was just a boring week stuck in a room with nothing to do, I guess a form of torture. That’s how I saw it at the start but as the time passed I literally felt tension seeping out of my body and I just completely relaxed for the first time in a very long time and it made me feel amazing. The detox was also really good and made me feel good, my skin is much better and I feel like I have more energy, I’ve even bought some (adult) colouring books as I find it really helps me to relax a lot.

I have a lot more to tell you all about and I will be writing about them over the coming weeks, I’ve been officially collared by Miss Fiona now and had a sort of formal collaring with a few people there.

I did some thinking about this blog while I was in the room and from today I want to do two posts a week. One like this one which is about my life and what’s going on in it and the other about my BDSM experiences. The initial BDSM posts will be ones that I’ve been promising for ages and then as I do new things I will post about those as well. I can’t promise they will all be long but I do promise to make the effort to post.

This weekend

office

Today I am working from home, which I do quite often as my staff don’t disturb me at home unless it is something urgent and I can get through more work than I can in the office. However today Miss Fiona also decided she would work form home, but not from her home, from my home. In fact she is stood behind me watching me write this.

Ordinarily when I’m working from home I’ll wear something comfortable and completely unsexy, sorry, but today Miss Fiona….

OK, just in case you don’t look at my Tumblr blog and are unaware of this, I’ve been given a rule that I have to address her as Miss Fiona or Miss Fi, or Miss and have been failing terribly at maintaining that. In my defence if you aren’t used to doing so it is incredibly difficult to make referring to someone by a title as habit. As a punishment for failing she logged onto my Tumblr and submitted a full facial photo of me wearing a ball gag to someones blog who then posted it! I’m not going to tell you where it is because I don’t want it to be circulated anymore than it has been.

8135-1… today Miss Fiona decided what I should wear and after perusing my wardrobe and my drawers she decided on some old black stockings that I have that have the word “SLUT” written all over them in big white letters and a shelf bra, which for those who don’t know if a bra design to push your boobs up but that only covers up to just below your nipples thereby providing lift without hiding them. So I’ve spent the day virtually naked basically.

Every time I have made or received a phone call, so far five times, she come up behind me and wraps her arms around my body and kisses my neck and rubs her fingers between my legs which open instinctively. It’s very distracting and also frustrating because as soon as I finish the call she stops and goes back to her own work, so I’m pretty horny and my productivity is declining fast.

Tonight we have the house to ourselves so we’re going to relax, have some wine and see what happens, I’m looking forward to it!

Tomorrow I have a job to do, Miss Fiona has given me a job to do. She is leaving at around 8am as she has some things to do and at 9am someone is arriving, you might call them a pupil.

The pupil is the female submissive of one of Miss Fiona’s male friends who has decided that his “overly straight” sub needs to be trained to pleasure women as well as she does men and my job is to teach her how to pleasure a woman, namely myself! It sounds fun but it’s going to be very strange with a girl who is entirely straight and so won’t be turned on my any of it.

The day will end with a test, we both have to get dressed up and then Miss Fiona will take us to the Doms house so that his sub can show him her new skills by making another Dom’s sub cum in three different ways which are both pleasurable to the other girl and to the “audience”. If she fails then both of us will be punished.

So not your average weekend, it should be interesting if nothing else!

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I got burned

Not in as in I was insulted, as in I literally got a burn on my arm from an air bag going off after someone drove into the front of my car the weekend before last. As you can see below, this is not the kind of injury my masochistic side enjoys.

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This was at the end of a weekend that started out with significant promise but gradually deteriorated until it was in the same state as my car ended up, written off!

Lets go back to the start of the weekend, Friday night when, after showering, I spent an hour edging myself to make my pussy nice and wet prior to a date with Fiona just as she had told me to do.

I laid on my bed naked and pinched my nipples with one hand whilst rubbing the fingers of my other hand over my clit fantasising various different fantasies. Each time I felt my orgasm coming close I stopped and waited until it receded and then began again until my pussy was literally leaking onto the towel I had placed beneath me.

I kept going until I had just enough time to get ready, then I got dressed in a little black dress with bra but no underwear and did my hair and makeup before going downstairs and standing in the window to wait for her. She had text me to say she was setting off and that when she arrived she wanted to see me in the window with my hand up my dress on the verge of an orgasm.

I watched the taxi pull up as I stood in the window, the lights dimmed so I wasn’t too visible but just visible enough for her to see, with my dress pulled up at the front to reveal my slightly spread legs and my fingers circling my clit. When I was sure she had seen me I straightened my dress and headed out to the car.

As I climbed into the taxi I subtly pulled the back of my dress up so that when I sat down my bare ass went directly onto the seat rather than resting on my clothing, just as I had been told to. It felt dirty, putting my most intimate parts against that seat that had been sat on by a large number of strangers, it was a turn on. Fiona leaned over and kissed me deeply and passionately for a good ten seconds before sitting back down and saying “hi”. I glanced at the drivers mirror and saw him watching and blushed as he looked away and set off towards our destination.

I raised my eyebrows and said “hi to you too”, we’ve agreed not to use any titles or anything in a public setting. As we drove she placed her hand on my knee and then slowly moved it up my inner thigh, it was so unsubtle that it made me smirk until she got about two inches from my pussy and discovered how disgustingly wet I was and said “good girl” and I blushed and noticed the driver take another look at us in his mirror.

My hands were on the seat either side of me for the whole journey, submissive, inviting, just the way I was feeling. Her hand remained at the top of my thigh with her little finger just touching my bare pussy lips and slowly moving backwards and forwards stroking me. I was very conscious that her hand had pushed my dress up so that I was now essentially naked from the waist down but I was fairly sure the driver couldn’t see and no one outside would be able to.

When we arrived Fiona paid the driver and we got out, I pulled my dress down as I climbed out but if the driver had been looking he would have got a great view of my naked ass and I’ve no idea if he was looking or not. I do know that I left a wet patch on his seat which is disgusting but really was Fiona’s fault!

Our destination was a restaurant and we had a nice meal there, she asked me what I wanted and then ordered for both of us in quite a patronising way. She said “I’ll have the goat’s cheese to start and then the bream, she’ll have the calamari and the ravioli”, I wasn’t expecting it and when the girl looked at me as she wrote down my order all I could do was look back and sheepishly smile at her.

We talked about all sorts of normal things and then our starters came and we ate those, then as soon as the plates were cleared she said “I want you to cum for me before the mains come”. It took me by surprise and I just kind of looked at her incredulously and said “what, here?”. Her response was to just smile and nod and then she said “and if you fail you’ll earn something much worse”.

The table we were at was against a wall and it was a table for four with only two of us at it so it provided more cover than it could have, but I was still sat in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Despite that I was extremely horny and excited by what she wanted me to do so I slid my left hand (which was nearest the wall) between my legs and up my dress and began to rub on my already swollen clit.

I’m sure this is true for everyone, male and female, it’s hard to keep a normal face whilst masturbating. At the very least your mouth drops open and your eyes either lose focus or intently focus on one spot so to combat this I stared into Fiona’s eyes and bit my bottom lip, biting a little harder and narrowing my eyes each time the sensations forced me to react.

She watched me intently as I sat across from her masturbating in a restaurant and after a minute she said “don’t stop no matter what” and then seconds later a waiter appeared with our next round of drinks.

I didn’t stop, I definitely didn’t stop but I slowed my fingers enough that I could regain some composure and acknowledge that he was there and say thank you. It was my downfall, because my impending orgasm receded enough that despite my renewed efforts once he’d gone I was still trying to tease myself over the edge when Fiona said “stop” and then moments later our main courses arrived.

It was so frustrating, I hate edging, I hate the feeling of the ecstasy of an orgasm that was so close fading away into oblivion but I had no choice. I removed my fingers, straightened my dress again and picked up my fork. Fiona looked at me and tutted, then carried on as if nothing had happened.

We finished our food and drinks and Fiona asked for bill which she paid. Then she handed me the little wallet that the bill came in and gave me my punishment before walking out of the restaurant and calling a taxi.

I put a generous tip into the wallet and then wrote my name and phone number on a paper napkin that had come with my coffee, underneath my phone number I wrote “Call me x”. I took a deep breath and then with crimson cheeks I intercepted the waitress and handed her the wallet with the napkin on top of it.

The girl, who must have been at least six years younger than me, looked down at the wallet and napkin, then turned the napkin around and read it whilst I stood there like an idiot. As she read it her eyes widened and then she looked up blushing and said “oh, erm, thanks” and then quickly walked away into the kitchen.

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me as I almost ran outside to meet Fiona who’d been watching through the window and was now looking very amused. I said she was mean and she told me that maybe I’d do as I was told next time. As I climbed into the taxi I looked back through the window and saw the waitress looking at me, we both looked away when we made eye contact and then the taxi drove away.

We had previously agreed that I was going to stay at her house, a big step baring in mind how it ended last time I stayed over but with everything out in the open I was past thinking about that. I paid the taxi and followed her up to and through her front door, then she was on me.

She pinned me to the wall with her body kissing me and her hand was between my legs and I was grabbing her ass and it was just passionate vanilla horniness for a couple of minutes, then she pulled my dress over my head. When I tried to do the same for her she stepped back and wagged a finger at me smiling and said “wait there”.

She returned a minute later with handcuffs. She removed my bra and threw it on top of my dress then gently moved my hands behind my back and attached the cuffs to them, I put up absolutely no resistance, there is this feeling when you submit to another person, allow them to control you in a very physical way, that I just love. It takes me to a psychological place that I would just love to live in 24/7.

She held the cuffs with one hand and my hair with the other as she led me upstairs to her bedroom wearing only my heels. When we arrived she sat down on the bed with her legs spread and then pulled me down so I was sort of squatting with my pussy resting on her thigh, then she lent back on her arms and said “cum!”.

It was hot, she pushed with her toes to apply upwards pressure as I ground my pussy into her thigh until I found a good position just above her knee where the pressure on my clit was just right and then I let out a loud uninhibited moan as I came hard against her leg and my legs went wobbly and I collapsed forward into her arms.

She gave me a minute and then she pushed me down off her and onto the floor so that I could see the amount of wetness I’d left on her leg, so much that it had run around her thigh and down the sides of her calf. She told me to clean it, and I did.

I licked every part of her leg that had my mess on it, up her calves, over her knee and thigh, then I continued. A little brazenly for a submissive I licked up her inner thigh until I came to her pussy, which I discovered was as naked as mine had been all night, and then I began running my tongue up her slit and around her clit.

She enjoyed my attentions for about twenty minutes and then I moved it up a gear and with a handful of my hair in her fist she came on my mouth. Then, without hardly ten seconds to recover she yanked my head back and put her face right up close to mine and said “who the fuck said you could do that?”.

I have to admit I was a little shocked by the change of pace and to the reaction to me giving her pleasure. She stood up pulling me with her by my hair and undid my cuffs before saying “bent the fuck over Lois”. I did as I was told as she pulled open a large drawer under the bed, produced a long cane from it and held it to my mouth, I dutifully took the cane with my lips and held it tight.

She moved behind me whilst saying “If we are going to do this you need to relearn discipline, I won’t stand for you trying to take control or topping from the bottom. So you’ve earned yourself ten hard strokes from the cane. What do you have to say?”.

I stood there, legs straight, bent at the waist with my arms straight on the bed and my back slightly arched so my ass was pushed out with her juices drying on my face and tried to speak with the cane in my mouth but she slapped my ass hard and then grabbed the cane which I let go of. Then I said “Yes Miss, I’m sorry.”.

She slapped my other ass cheek and said “Sorry for what?” and then continued to slap each cheek in turn as I said “I’m sorry for trying to take control Miss”. The slaps weren’t too bad but hard enough that I could feel my ass starting to burn by the time she stopped, then she said “Count”.

It’s quite a while since I’ve been caned, properly caned and even when you’re used to it the sharp sudden pain of it is still significant and she didn’t hold back. I heard the cane cut through the air and then her first strike landed right in the middle of my ass and almost knocked me out of position but I maintained it as I sucked in air and took the pain.

The next strike hit about an inch below the first, the one that followed was an inch above the first and then one an inch below the second and finally one right at the top. She is clearly well practised with the cane, each one hit with the same force and I would find out later were perfectly on target.

I’m a sexual masochist, I enjoy pain. I’m turned on by people inflicting pain on me but that doesn’t mean other natural reactions to pain don’t apply to me as well. The swats were hard, my ass was burning and I had tears in my eyes by the time she finished the fifth one. We have discussed safe words already, I knew what to say to stop her but I wasn’t about to, my pussy welling up just as much as my eyes.

The next five felt as though the landed in exactly the same spots as the first five but afterwards, when she was cuddling me on the bed and she let me run my hands over my ass I discovered the first five had been done at an angle and the latter five the opposite angle so that the now raised red welts formed a pretty crisscross pattern across the pale skin of my ass.

I fell asleep in her arms but when I woke up in the middle of the night my arms were handcuffed behind my back again and a little achy, I can’t believe she managed to handcuff me without waking me. I just snuggled back up to her warm body and went back to sleep.

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So that was all good, it was an amazing date and I left Fiona’s the next day feeling very happy. I chilled at home for a while laying on my bed (on my front because it was too sore to sit on my ass) and then I got undressed and went to take a shower, this is when things took an unexpected turn.

I was in the shower washing my hair, back to the door and my sister walks straight in, no knock, no warning, just walks straight in. I have no problem with my sister seeing me naked, it wouldn’t be the first time and I didn’t immediately think much of it until I heard her shout “WHAT THE FUCK?!” and I instinctively spun round and put my hands on my ass cheeks.

I finished my hair and got dry enough to put on a dressing gown (robe if you’re American?), I checked out my ass so I would know exactly what she’d seen, it was bad, the welts from the caning were bright red and covered my ass, I couldn’t think of a single plausible excuse for them.

When I went into my room she was sat on my bed waiting for me, for some reason I thought she would be angry but she wasn’t, she was concerned. She came over and hugged me and said “what the fuck happened to you? are you ok?” and I couldn’t help but giggle, which didn’t go down well!

There was no way to lie my way out of it and I really didn’t want to, it gets tiring hiding your real self from everyone and despite her very vanillaness she is my sister and if anyone will accept me for who I am she would. So I told her everything.

Well, not everything! I told her about BDSM (“What, bondage and stuff? Like Fifty Shades?”) and that I was submissive and a masochist and that the welts were from me getting caned. I left out why I got caned and I didn’t tell her about any of the more extreme or bizarre things I’ve done, I figured it was enough of a shock already. I did have to admit that Fiona, who she knew I’d been out with last night, was a Dominant and was responsible for the state of my ass.

The conversation was long and drawn out and went round in circles but I didn’t blame her and I answered everything honestly, it felt good to be completely honest with her even though she seemed horrified at times and angry at others. Eventually wine was involved which helped my ass feel a bit better after I’d been sat on it for hours pretending it wasn’t really sore!

Then the next day the crash happened and she was there ten minutes after it happened and was my big sister again and helped me and looked after me and no more was said about my illicit lifestyle for a good few days.

We’ve discussed it again since, she’s had more questions and she’s promised to keep it to herself but she seems to be coming to terms with it. We’ll see what happens I guess!

If you got this far please leave a comment, I really love reading and responding to them no matter what they are. Questions, suggestion, lewd insults! I just love conversing with the people who actually read what I write x

Bad girl

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Like I say in this Tumblr post (which shows the messages hinted above) I used to be such a good submissive, the only time I addressed my Dominant incorrectly was when I wanted to get punished……OK maybe I wasn’t that good a sub!

I’m totally out of practice though, it’s been years since I’ve been submissive to someone for more than a session and I’m finding it quite difficult as you can see in the messages, this isn’t the first time I’ve slipped up since Fiona told me to address her as “Miss”.

I have a date with her tonight which I am quite looking forward to, and I just know I’m going to slip up with it, it’s already earned me five spanks and she’s threatened me with something a lot worse if I don’t behave later! I think she has realised that I quite like pain and she needs to be more creative if she is going to punish me and adjust my behaviour to her liking, which is a shame! lol

Tonight I’ve been told to wear a short dress which no underwear (classic!) and when she picks me up in the taxi I’m to make sure I’m wet and that my ass goes directly onto the seat, no fabric in between.

To be honest the being wet won’t be a problem as I’m almost always at least a little wet but I’ll think of something to get me a little closer to what she’s expecting before she picks me up.

The reason I’m so excited for tonight is that we are “playing”, we discussed it earlier and she is feeling just as horny as me today and she asked if I wanted to stay over. I was a little reticent at first baring in mind how that ended last time but then my horniness overruled my brain, thankfully.

She has been sending me pictures all day, a ball gag, clover clamps, a flogger, a cane, so…..yeah, I don’t think I’ll have any trouble being wet when she arrives!

Things with Fiona

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I’ve not mentioned Fiona in a while and that’s mainly because things stalled somewhat after quite a promising start, well actually I guess it was a bit of a rocky start but then a good restart?

I wrote about one date we went on but there were a few others after that and I was feeling quite positive about things with her, we were talking a lot and we had sex once and that was when the problem arose.

I’m not sure why she chose that moment to reveal this piece of information but the morning after I’d stayed at her place she told me that she had a couple that she had played with regularly for over a year, she was Dominant to both of them and played a role in their relationship on a day to day basis, it was a significant commitment she had made.

I can’t really pinpoint the exact reason but this upset me more than it maybe should have, I made an excuse shortly afterwards and left. In hindsight that was a childish reaction and I should have talked to her about it there and then, instead I got into my car and drove home almost in tears.

I felt like she had grossly betrayed my trust and allowed things to go further than she should have without telling me, it felt like only telling me after we had slept together was manipulative and that she’d done it that way in order to make it harder for me leave once she’d told me and I was hurt that she was carrying on with me whilst “playing” with someone else behind my back.

I don’t know how much of that is rational or justified but I reacted badly to it, those who have following my blog for a while probably think that I react to things like this badly, you’re not alone, almost everyone who knows me thinks the same, I think the same. I blanked her for a week, ignoring her calls and texts, until she eventually turned up at my door.

Then we argued, she tried to explain that it had been going on for a long time before she met me, that it was about the control and not about sex and that she didn’t tell me for so long because she didn’t know where things were going with us yet and didn’t want to ruin things. I told her I didn’t care what she thought, she should have told me the truth from the start and especially before sleeping with me, I asked her “how am I supposed to trust you after you made me feel like I was special to you when clearly I’m not enough for you”.

Remembering it, writing about it, now actually makes me think about something else, someone else, and whether my upset and anger was really about what she’d done or whether it’s about someone else. Hmm….

draftsAnyway, we didn’t speak for a while after that and it was about that time that I restarted plans for the fantasies which eventually led on to me organising the “Dogging week”. Regarding that, I will still be posting about all those, I’m over half way through writing about them but I promised to send them to the person who organised it for me first, after they have seen them I’ll post them I promise. ——————————->

You know when I mentioned I don’t react to things well? I think this is a perfect example of that, rather than talking about what was bothering me with someone, like Hannah for instance who knows us both and could possibly help, I engaged in various depraved acts with complete strangers. Although saying that it’s not like I don’t do things like that anyway so maybe it’s not that bad.

Anyway, it seemed like it was completely over and then out of the blue I get a message from Fiona asking me to meet her for a drink.

The thing about me is that when I get involved with someone I dive head first into it very quickly, I try not to every time but I think it’s just the way I’m made or something to do with my submissive nature or something, I don’t know, it’s definitely a flaw in my personality though because it gets me hurt every time. So I’d been missing her and agreed to meet her mainly because of that.

I met her at a bar and we sat at a table in the corner, it was awkward at first but then we both relaxed a little, I’d calmed down about it a lot by this point. She apologised for the way she handled the situation and explained that she had made a commitment to the couple and that she didn’t feel she could just drop them, especially before she knew where things were going with me. She said that she had spoken to the couple and told them about me and that she would possibly have to end things with them.

She was saying all the right things and it did make me feel good that she was willing to do that for me, I apologised for the way I reacted and agreed to think about what I wanted to do, if I wanted to resume things. When we parted I felt better, this was shortly before I went on holiday so we’d agreed to wait until I was home to talk again.

Since I’ve been home we’ve been on one date, it’s kind of like things have been reset back to when we first met, like our initial attempt at something never happened. I’m happy with where we are though, so we’ll see what happens.

By the way, if you’re wondering about the picture at the top, I’m not sure. I searched for “confused girl” or something and it came up and I liked it so…there you go!

Digital detox

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I really don’t know why anyone follows this blog! I’m terribly inconsistent with writing posts and while I’ve apologised more times then I can count for it I’ve never got any better at posting regularly!

My excuse this time is that I needed a bit of a break from my online presence. I don’t want to imply that I’m more than what I am, I’m not any sort of online celebrity like has been suggested by some and despite appearances I’m not a particularly big attention seeker, although I am a little bit 🙂

I have Twitter, Tumblr, Collar Space, this blog, email and it was all getting a bit much to keep up with so I took a break.

It my own choice, not because I was ordered to by any new Mistress that some have speculated I have either! Yes I am still seeing Fiona and yes it is going well but no she didn’t order me to stop speaking to people online or anything like that. In fact she is happy for us to have an open relationship at the moment as she already has “other commitments” as well.

Whilst I haven’t been online in my usual ways recently I have been having some fun, at least one eagle eyed reader saw a post I made on a website relating to something I did a couple of weeks ago which fulfilled a couple of things from my fantasies list.

This is something I’ve thought about doing for a long time but haven’t got round to arranging until recently, or rather having someone else arrange. The premise was this; I would post an advert on a dogging website inviting people to “apply” to use me for whatever they wanted for one night (or actually a few hours) and five successful applicants would get to do what they wanted on five consecutive nights. The applications would go to a third party (who will remain anonymous) and they would organise all the details, all I’d know is where to be and when each night.

Here is the advert, which was written by me but edited and approved by the person who organised it:

I am a female submissive masochist in her early thirties and based in Cambridgeshire who craves cruel humiliation, degradation and rough use by strangers. I have brown hair, am 5′ 9″ with a slim build.To fulfil these needs a Dominant has instructed me to post this advert.

I am looking for singles or couples of any gender/colour/age/weight/etc who would enjoy playing with me one night next week (5th – 9th September 2016) with no strings attached. The Dominant will choose from those who reply to this advert (assuming anyone does!) and I will play with one each night next week.

This is a genuine offer and I am very excited about it.

If this interests you, please reply to this advert before midnight on Thursday and include the following:

  • A little detail about yourself
  • A picture of yourself
  • Broadly what you would like to do with me
  • Where you would like to meet
  • Your email address (important!)

I will forward all replies (without reading them) to the Dominant who will choose the five for me to play with and contact (hence needing your email address) them directly to arrange the details, I will not be involved in the selection process and will be submissive to you when I arrive at the designated meeting place (hotel/woodland/public bathrooms).

Again, this is a genuine offer so only genuine and sensible replies with all the information requested please.

The website that I posted this on has a mailbox and mine was pretty much full for the next few days which ended up equating to twenty “applications” being made, all describing what they wanted to do with me.

I’d obviously discussed this with the person who organised the evenings in advance and I knew he would be finding the people and events that would be the most horrible for me but also vetting the people to make sure I’d be safe and that my identity would be safe, for instance the people involved have no idea about this blog.

The week was amazing, I came away having enjoyed doing some disgusting things, in private and public places all with complete strangers. I am in the process of writing reports for the person who arranged it and he has agreed that I can post them here once he has read them. In the meantime, here is a little description of who I met each night and where:

  • Monday – A mid 30’s Dominant female and submissive male couple in woodland
  • Tuesday – An very overweight male in a hotel bar
  • Wednesday – A very fit an muscly black man in woodland
  • Thursday – A mature slightly overweight lady in a very run down hotel
  • Friday – A cross-dressing man in some parkland

I will be posting more updates in the next week or so and, although I am away for a couple of weeks after that, I hope to schedule these reports to be published while I am away.

I’m fully back online now so feel free to comment on this post or message me by whatever means you want to, I will do my best to reply.