Six months

SixMonths

We are six months into 2018 already, where did that go? It’s been a fairly busy year for me so far though so I thought I would catch you up on the progress of the goals I was set at the beginning of the year.

However before I do that, a few people have mentioned to me that although they enjoy reading about the various goings on in my life they miss the more graphic and sexually oriented posts that used to be more common on here.

I understand, I know you want that stuff but there are two problems. Firstly I have been pretty much posting every week for this whole year which is a massive upswing on previous years. The problem with posting that much is I need to find things to write about and there just aren’t enough sessions to fill up all those posts. Which brings me on to the second problem which is that we haven’t had many proper sessions at all lately due to all sorts of other things that are going on in our lives.

The most interesting thing (from your point of view) that we have done is test out Mistresses new “cane”. Which is actually a very thin but sturdy metal bar that she decided would be good to use as a cane. The thing about canes rather than something like a panel is that they have very little surface area so if you swing a cane and a paddle with the same force the paddle will slow down as it catches the air much more than a cane. Also the force of the impact is spread over the surface of the paddle which is larger than the canes, all of which means the cane hurts more and leaves more of a mark, in my experience.

This metal cane is nasty! Mistress gave me thirty swats in groups of five and after the first I was struggling to hold my position. It’s a really stingy feeling when it hits which isn’t my favourite feeling from an impact toy, it borders on non-fun pain which is why this particular cane is going to be reserved for punishments, or so I’m told.

So, yes I understand you want more of that stuff and I have a couple of ideas of things I can resurrect from the past and write about, the “dogging week” for example, and also Mistress and I intend to do some playing soon which I will also write about, although at the moment it’s just too damn hot for those shenanigans!

In the meantime, my goals update:

goal12Submit to a permanent body modification of my choosing.

This is absolutely complete now. My nipples have been transformed into beautiful little hearts via tattoos around them the same colour as my nipples, and I am so happy with how they turned out. Also, my septum has now been pierced and it currently healing up nicely. We have replaced the ring that I was wearing turned up into my nose with a small plastic thing which is stretching the hole a little wider whilst staying invisible to anyone who sees me.

Spend four weeks in chastity.

This is still pending but is definitely going to happen and I’m not looking forward to it at all. There won’t be a belt or anything, just a complete lack of any sexual contact from anyone. At least it will be a break from the daily ruined orgasms I suppose!

Contact and make peace with the person who caused her to leave London.

This has now happened and I have to say I do feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me. It’s weird because I didn’t really think about it anymore and it didn’t affect me on a day-to-day basis but I do feel…I don’t know, freer.

Give an orgasm to 52 people that she hadn’t met before 2018.

This is still on target and I should easily do it by the end of the year as the current count is 38 which is composed of:

  • 21 men
    • 11 oral
    • 4 vaginal
    • 5 anal
    • 1 hand
  • 16 women
    • 13 oral
    • 2 fingers
    • 1 dildo gag
  • 1 trans
    • 1 oral, anal & vaginal

Speak to her mother every other day.

Not an exciting one but I know it has had a positive effect on my mother. My sister has also started calling her on the days in between so she never goes a day without speaking to one of us. It can feel like a chore at times but once I’m speaking to her I know it is worth it.

FYI, she wants to organise the whole wedding!

Achieve an average daily views count of 500 on this blog.

This is proving a real challenge and I don’t know if I’ll be able to achieve it. At half way through the year I’ve just beat 2017’s total views (which was by far my best year until now) but I’m still coming out at an average of 483 views per day currently. Bearing in mind that 2017’s average was 234 a day that’s still pretty good, just not good enough.

Buy a new house with me (Mistress).

This is happening, it’s a long process with lots of external factors but it all seems to be going through. The house we found is perfect, or at least it will be once we gut half of it, rebuild, redecorate and then build a proper room in the basement to deck out as a dungeon/play room. We expect to have the keys in the next couple of months.

Have her septum pierced.

Done, as I mentioned before the piercing is done and healing and already being stretched in preparation to take a sort of flesh tunnel thing. We are talking to someone about making that permanent, so at least very tight-fitting so if you were to look directly up my nose (why you’d want to I’m not sure) it would look sort of integrated into my nose and won’t move around. Once that’s done Miss will be able to thread whatever she wants through it, padlock, leash etc.

Experience Domming a submissive.

This still hasn’t really got off the ground although I know Mistress is going to force the issue at some point, Miss Hannah has already suggested that she can give me some pointers so I know it is being discussed between Mistress and her Dominant friends.

Achieve two of her fantasies.

This is half done, I have completed a weekend with a trans person and will write about that soon. The other one that WILL be completed this year is to have a Torture Galaxy scene recreated on me. If you aren’t familiar with their work you should check it out, it is very extreme. If you want to suggest one of their scenes in the comments Miss will take opinions into account when deciding which one to undertake.

Fully expose her lifestyle to at least one person who has known her in real life for more than five years.

I’ve not got anywhere with this one, I sort of have a person in mind and have begun to express somewhat more liberal views on sex and sexuality when talking to them in recent weeks but I’ve not even broached the concept of BDSM to them, I’ll keep you informed!

Exceed her current “most painful torture”.

tg_screw

This, I have no doubt, will be achieved in the torture galaxy scene which promises to be brutal and extreme. As depicted to the right he doesn’t hold back with what he inflicts on the girls and I know that Mistress can be every bit as sadistic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Updates

Septum

Sorry that it has been a while since I’ve written properly, I actually have loads to write about but have really struggled to find time in the last few weeks. Thank you to Mistress for writing, what I found to be, an interesting post on one of the methods she uses to train me, I hope you enjoyed it too.

So for this post I wanted to give you a few updates and then hopefully later in the week I’ll have another post lined up finishing off something I was telling you about a few weeks back, the dinner party.

First off I have achieved another of my goals for 2018! Can you guess which one? If you guessed a septum piercing them you get ten points, This is something which I have wanted to get for a long time but have been reluctant to do so because I didn’t want it to impact my every day appearance because of work etc.

I didn’t want the piercing for aesthetic reasons, I do think they look good on certain people but I don’t think it is something that would particularly complement my public image. No I wanted one purely for the BDSM aspect of it, I think having a ring in your nose is extremely sexy for a submissive and I’m definitely turned on by the idea of being led around by it or restrained by it.

So this weekend Mistress and I visited a reputable piercing studio and a lovely girl named Kate pierced it for me. The pain really wasn’t much, a bit like if you get knocked in the nose and it made me want o sneeze, or feel like I did anyway. Kate put a horse shoe shaped piece of jewellery in and after showing me how it looked (it’s definitely not something I’d wear visible in normal life) she folded it up for me and it is completely invisible. I walked out looking exactly as I did before which was weird but good.

Since it was done it has felt a bit itchy at times but the main issue is that I’m not supposed to touch it but can’t help myself and Mistress has to keep telling me how unattractive it is to have my fingers in my nose! She is definitely right but I’m not really doing it consciously, in fact I was just doing it now while I was thinking of what to write next!

So that’s the first bit of news, the second is that we have found a buyer for Mistresses house and are edging toward completion on the purchase of our new home together. It takes forever to buy a house but hopefully it won’t be too much longer before we can move in and start renovating it including building our dream dungeon! Once this all goes through that will be another goal checked off the list.

A while back I put up a poll so I could see who was actually reading my blog, unsurprisingly the majority are dominant males but it was actually less of a “dominant lead” then I thought it would be. 42% of people who responded were Doms whilst the next biggest group male switches with 18% and then third was female submissives with 14%. There were 417 votes cast so I think it is a good representation of my readership. I’m sure that’s of no interest to most of you but I found it interesting!

If you have read my about me page and the post referenced there you will know about my troubles from the past. The female friend who I drunkenly slept with, shared intimate details of my sexuality and lifestyle with, who then betrayed me by exposing all of my secrets to all of our group of friends, some of whom where work colleagues.

This was the worst time of my life and a time when I seriously considered taking my own life. Most of my friends stopped talking to me, not “officially” but they stopped returning my calls and answering my messages with more than a few words. The girl who I’d slept with broke all contact with me and I felt like all of my colleagues at work knew all about me as well because some of my (former) friends worked there. I’ve no idea if they did know or not but that is sort of irrelevant when you think they do.

I retreated into myself, stopped going out or doing anything and spent a lot of time crying. I bought pills and knives to end things but never had the courage to go through with it. Then in one of my stronger moments I looked for and found a job outside of London and left my home to start a new life basically.

It was the best thing I could have done, I got a good job where I’ve progressed, I (eventually) found love and I am more open about my life then I have ever been. I didn’t tell my former friends I was leaving London and have never been in contact with any of them, until now.

Through some colleagues I know in London I managed to get hold of contact details for the girl who ruined my life. This was some time ago and it took me a long time to work out what to say when I contacted her but eventually I wrote her an email.

In it I said to her that I wanted to get back in touch as I have reached a point in my life where I want to confront what happened with her as I, and my partner, believe that it still has an effect on me. I honestly didn’t expect a reply but a few days later I got one, a long one!

I’m not going to post any of our communications but the gist of what she said in that first email is that she is deeply sorry for what she did. She said that she couldn’t justify it in any way but that she was young and stupid and scared. She was scared of what we did, confused about what it meant about her own sexuality and freaked out by the “other stuff” that I’d told her about.

She said that she only told a couple of the other girls about my being gay and into BDSM and that she didn’t know why she did it. In hindsight, she said, maybe it was to deflect any focus on herself if I revealed what we’d done together. Apparently one of the other girls told her boyfriend who immediately told the other guys in the group and then everyone knew.

She claims to not have been disgusted or “judgy” of those things although a lot of the others definitely were and she didn’t feel she could speak against them. She only avoided me because she was ashamed and couldn’t face me. She claimed she was devastated when I just disappeared.

When I first read her email I was angry, really angry, it came across as her trying to find justification for her actions but after talking through it with Miss I began to see it in a different light. I think she was a very confused, weak and shallow person when it all happened and that’s what she was trying to justify.

I replied and told her my story, how it felt to be ostracised just for being myself and sharing that with someone I thought I could trust. How it felt to be alone and pushed out by all of my friends and feeling unable to work through paranoia and depression. I really let it all out being very honest about what she did to me, it felt good but I still felt guilty sending it, Mistress pushed me to do so but left it my decision.

It took longer for the reply to come than it had the first time. She said that she had cried reading my message, that she felt truly ashamed of her younger self and wished she could take all that hurt back from me. Her message made me cry too.

We arranged to meet up but for various reasons that didn’t happen until recently and it was truly awkward. The last time I’d seen her we were falling asleep in each other arms so meeting up in a coffee shop after all these years was just very bizarre. She was already there when I arrived and got up when I approached her table, neither of us knew how to greet each other but ended up in a brief hug.

She had obviously rehearsed a speech because she basically vomited it at me as soon as we sat down, she was obviously very nervous but for some reason I wasn’t at all. She said that she wished she could take back what happened but that she can’t and that it had a huge effect on her life as well.

As it turns out she was married but is divorced, why is she divorced? Because she didn’t love her husband and then she thought she fell in love with a work colleague, a female work colleague. Nothing happened between them other than them becoming very close and she started to have feelings for this woman. She still seems to be a very confused person which I can understand, I struggled with my sexuality when I was younger and it can be difficult, especially if you aren’t a strong person.

The upshot of all of this is that I have forgiven her for what she did to me, I felt genuine remorse from her when we met and I felt like it is something that has weighed on her conscience for as long as it has weighed on me. I am happy now though whilst she is still struggling with a lot of things and it felt good to remove this weight from both of us. Also I’ve been way more successful than her career-wise!

In other news my Mistress has set my sister up with a submissive guy and I don’t even know where to start with that!

Oh and, so excited…

HaloInfinite