I see a lot of things on Lois’ tumblr about female orgasm denial. Some of it is valid and some of it is complete nonsense so I wanted to attempt to explain why I initiated my subs current orgasm regime. Some of this Lois is aware of but other parts may be news to her too.
As I’ve mentioned before, and this is definitely not news to her, Lois had completely unlearned anything that she had previously learn about being a submissive. It was in her, I knew that the first time we met but she was undisciplined and far too focussed on her own pleasure than anyone who calls themselves a submissive should be.
It wasn’t entirely her fault I don’t suppose, she had been single for a long time and I think it is hard for a person to maintain what I would call “proper discipline” whilst single and playing with various different people who often are merely playing at being a Dominant themselves.
Let me just stop her to clarify something, being a submissive has nothing to do with being a masochist. Yes often the two often go hand in hand but this is definitely not always the case. Lois happens to be both but the two should not be confused or interchanged, being a masochist means that you enjoy pain, you get pleasure from it in the moment. I myself have enjoyed receiving pain on occasion but I am not even slightly submissive (and yes I have tried and proved this point). Being a submissive is, in my opinion, a deeper calling somewhat akin to a vocation. She IS a submissive and gets deep fulfillment (not pleasure but fulfillment) from submitting to another person and giving that other person what they want.
Whilst I understood the reasons for Lois’ seeming lack of training when we met I wasn’t about to just live with it and so I instigated various rules for her to follow, some had good reasons and others were just to keep her int he mindset that she is not just free to do whatever she wanted anymore. The majority of her free time, her mind and her body now belonged to me which included one particular aspect, orgasms.
Lois has quite a high sex drive and up until we met she was masturbating twice a day, literally twice every single day. Once when she woke up before she got out of bed and once just before she went to sleep. And that doesn’t even count any ad-hoc little adventures she had whilst watching porn or doing whatever with random people. That is a lot in my opinion, especially for a sub and I wasn’t about to let it continue.
I know she has talked about this on here before but I will reiterate what the “regime” that I am referring to entails, the easiest way being to quote our agreement:
([The submissive] is Lois and [the dominant] myself, obviously)
[The submissive] is not entitled to orgasmic release without the express permission of [the dominant] or a third party to whom [the dominant] has granted authority to give permission. [The submissive], with the guidance of [the dominant], will take steps to gain control of her orgasmic release and accidental release will incure a severe punishment of [the dominants] choosing.
[The submissive] will submit to a daily orgasm without release (aka ruined orgasm) to be facilitated by [the dominant].
[The submissive] is entitled to one orgasmic release per seven day period at a time and place of [the dominants] choosing.
[The dominant] has the authority to grant or order orgasmic release at their discretion.
In summary, I tell her when and where she can cum and if she does it without permission I will make sure she regrets it enough to learn to obey her rules.
To understand why I put together the regime of daily ruins with one weekly release you need to understand how men and women differ and why simple chastity is less effective in women than it is in men. The following is what I understand of it and is not necessarily 100% scientifically accurate but it fits with what I have seen in my many years as a Domme to people of various sexual identities.
When you prevent a man from having an orgasm for a long period of time it tends to make him more horny, he begins to see sexual opportunity wherever he goes and often attempts to act on those “opportunities” or, if unable to due to a chastity device for instance, becomes very frustrated which is obviously fun thing to inflict on a sub.
With women, if they don’t orgasm for a long time their sex drive tends to wain and they just become less and less interested in sex which is why a vibrator is a single girl’s best friend. So unless you want to turn your sexy sub girl into a dull housewife then long term chastity is not really the way to go in my opinion.
The way a ruined orgasm works is that you stimulate the persons cock or pussy until their orgasm begins and then cease all stimulation immediately. This is easier to achieve in men because there are more physical signs that it’s time to move your hand, with women I think you need to either be doing it to yourself or know the person pretty well to know when to stop.
I’ve seen a man’s cock jerking around in mid air and not even able to ejaculate from a ruined orgasm which I’m assured is very frustrating and I’ve experienced my own “ruin” and felt the disappointment as my pussy clenched around nothing, going through the physical motions of an orgasm without the wave of pleasure that usually accompanies it, again, frustrating, I won’t be doing that again!
As I mentioned Lois’ sex drive was already very high but I wanted it higher and I wanted it mostly unfulfilled and the daily ruined orgasms are the perfect tool for the job. The build up gets her super turned on and literally dripping wet to the point she now kneels on a tiled floor in the bathroom for it so that the carpet doesn’t get ruined along with her orgasm. In the early days she used to moan and make angry noises when I stopped but these days she takes it with dignity often taking the frustration by digging her nails into her hands or biting her lip.
When it’s done she is simply more horny than she was before and more sexually frustrated and so it goes on until the weekend when I have a sexually supercharged sub on my hands to play with. There is no downside for me.
Lois has described it as like eating your favourite meal every day but never being full which I think is a nice analogy. and a good way for her to feel. We wouldn’t want a sexually satisfied submissive would we?
I hope you find this interesting and hope you discuss it in the comments, I will happily join in if you want to provide your own perspective whether in agreement or disagreement with my own. I know Lois is struggling to find time to write at the moment so hopefully this will be a sufficient filler until she can get back to it.