Shopping

I know I have been quiet the last couple of weeks, sometimes the work/life/blog balance gets skewed a little. First of all though, let’s get something out of the way, recently I was made aware of a photoshopped picture of myself and HitMeHarrder (right) that had been posted on Tumblr and I’d like to say something to the person who made it; It is not flattering, cool, funny or clever to do this. It is creepy, stalkerish and definitely not appreciated by either of us so please desist from this sort of activity and keep those fantasies in your head where they belong from now on.

This sort of thing is the reason I was always reluctant to share images of myself online and the reason I am still deciding whether to pull down any pictures that I have up at the moment. It freaks me out that someone has gone to the time and effort of making this even though it isn’t even a great fake.

Anyway, enough of that…

I used to buy all of my own clothes or rather I should say I used to choose all of my own clothes, I still but them now but I only get to express my opinion not to make the ultimate decision on what I buy.

Recently Mistress and I went on a shopping trip as I needed a few things, we went into the large store and both browsed and picked up a few things before heading to the changing rooms for me to try things on. They don’t ordinarily allow a “friend” to join you in the changing room but Mistress spoke to the attendant and they let her come in with me, I have no idea what she said.

The first thing Mistress does in this situation is to take a large garment, that she has picked up specifically for this purpose, and hang it over the mirror so that I cannot look at myself in the clothes, then I start to try things on.Depending on how busy it is in the changing rooms Mistress will stand outside with the curtain open or closed and wait as I try each item on and show her. As I can’t really see myself properly in the clothes this part is all her decision and she has me turn around and walk around in things, it makes me feel like a child and if other people are there feel quite self-conscious but Mistress doesn’t seem to notice anyone else.

Ordinarily, or I suppose previously as this is my new ordinary, I would only get a few items and to try on. I enjoy shopping but wouldn’t usually try a lot of items on in a store like Mistress has me do.

In one particularly quiet store Mistress was watching me change with the curtain open when the attendant appeared with a dress in a different size, I hadn’t even realised Mistress had sent her for one and could do nothing but blush and smile at the girl as I stood there covering my boobs and wearing only my knickers! The girl also looked a bit embarrassed, the first time, however Mistress kept asking her for things and she kept returning and seeing me in various states of undress and after a while seemed oblivious to what she saw of me. I only realised later that I had large yellow bruises on the back of my thighs!

For those that are interested, here are the clothes that I got that day. Chosen by Mistress, bought by me.

A while ago I described an event where I woke up masturbating and asked you to vote on if you thought I could be held responsible for this. Unsuprising “you” did hold e accountable but I was actually quite surprised that only 75% of you felt that way, so thank you to the other 25%. It did spark some interesting debate on the matter which was fun!

Finally, someone suggested that, as we are just about a quarter of the way through the year I should give you an update on how I am doing with my goals so here we go:

• Submit to a permanent body modification of my choosing.
  Complete
• Spend four weeks in chastity.
  Not Started
• Contact and make peace with the person who caused her to leave London.
  In Progress, I will write about this soon
• Give an orgasm to 52 people that she hadn’t met before 2018.
  On Target, current count is 18
• Speak to her mother every other day.
  On Target, this is just routine at this point
• Achieve an average daily views count of 500 on this blog.
  On Target, but dangerously close as current average is 525
• Buy a new house with me (Mistress).
  In Progress
• Have her septum pierced.
  Not Started
• Experience Domming a submissive.
  Not Started
• Achieve two of her fantasies.
  Not Started
• Fully expose her lifestyle to at least one person who has known her in real life for more than five years.
  Not Started
• Exceed her current “most painful torture”.
  In Progress, Mistress is working on building my pain threshold

If you wish me to expand on any of these points above please let me know in the comments and I will do so.

Arguing with a Domme

Couples argue, it’s part of being in a relationship, I mean if you got along ALL of the time it would be boring. Those aren’t my words, they’re the words of a vanilla friend who’d fallen out with her boyfriend over something and nothing but I completely agree with her, arguments happen.

However I’m not in a vanilla relationship and if you were to go by some of the more misogynistic opinions on my Tumblr feed then my opinion, as a sub and even as a woman, doesn’t matter in the slightest. That’s fantasy though, I live in the real world.

In the real world I have a high stress job where I have to make decisions all day and my opinion is not only important but is sought by those beneath and above me in the company structure. All of which is sort of irrelevant because I’m not a submissive at work, I’m a submissive at home.

At home I’m subservient in nearly every way to my Mistress, she chooses what I wear, what I eat, what I buy and where I sleep. She chooses who I fuck! When you list it out like that it makes me sound like a mindless zombie just following orders and not thinking for myself but that’s also not true, I don’t just turn off my intelligence and opinions at the front door, it would drive me insane if my opinion was never considered when decisions are made that effect me.

One of the things I love about my Mistress is that she always listens to my opinion, I get to have an input on most things because she values my opinion and in fact she has told me on more than one occasion that my intelligence is one of the things that she finds most attractive about me. At the end of the day Mistress is the one who makes the decisions but the fact that I’ve had an input is important, I don’t think I could be with someone who wanted to run my life for me unilaterally despite how appealing it may sound as a fantasy.

I feel I got sidetracked! The point of the post is that despite our dynamic it’s not all me following orders and her telling me what to do and what to think. Tonight, we had both had a challenging day at work and were a bit…tetchy, a small thing set us off. I was making our evening meal when she came in and poured herself some orange juice and left the bottle on the side, I picked it up and put it back before somewhat vigorously closing the fridge door and things escalated a bit from there.

Was it an overreaction caused by being tired? Probably. Was it unreasonable for me to expect her to put the bottle away rather than making more work for me (the person who tidies the whole house)? No (Her words). Did we both react badly and say unnecessary things? Yes. Did I get caned afterwards? Yes, but not for arguing, that was mutual and Mistress would never punish me for raising an issue with her, the caning was for “slamming the fridge door like a petulant child” or in other words, for being disrespectful to my Mistress. Which is fair enough, my discomfort when sitting today will hopefully pop back into my mind when I feel the need to act that way again.

This is a meandering rant of a post so for that I apologise. I think the point I am trying to make is that whilst we have a slightly less common dynamic than is “normal” and the balance of authority is asymmetrical, we are still a normal couple with equal importance and meaning in the relationship, I think that is something that is often lost amongst all of the bluster and fantasy of D/s relationships.