Finger discipline


I’ve mentioned on plenty of occasions how I believe my body betrays me at every available opportunity. To be honest I’m not entirely sure if it is my body itself or if it is my subconscious that is doing the betrayal and my body is just jumping on the band wagon or following orders, it’s hard to tell. It’s a little scary to be honest because I do think that my subconscious has a little too much control over my body.

Normal people leave bodily functions such as breathing and their heart pumping to the parts of their brain that can act without conscious thought and that is fine but I am starting to believe that my own version has slightly larger aspirations than just keeping me alive.

For those that don’t know what muscle memory is I’ll give a definition:

the ability to reproduce a particular movement without conscious thought, acquired as a result of frequent repetition of that movement.

So things like typing or driving use muscle memory heavily so that you don’t have to think about what your hands and feet are doing, you can just concentrate on what you’re writing or where you are going.

Over the past year or so Mistress has been teaching me, more like training me really, to act in the way that she wants. I relish this and take genuine pride in behaving how she expects with very little input required from her especially when I can see that it pleases her. I’ve mentioned before that she can tell me to open my legs and by the time my brain has registered what she has said my legs are already open and recently she told me why.

For months now every time she told me to open my legs (which is quite often by the way!) she has opened them for me as she said the words. Not before, not after but as she spoke the words she pulled my knees apart. I honestly didn’t notice at the time, I’ve long since become used to her touching me and moving my body and just accept it, and it never occurred to me that she was building an association in my subconscious between those words and that action.

Mistress also told me that there are other associations that she has built or is in the process of building in my brain but she refused to tell me what they are, she said it is none of my business. I’m not convinced that is technically true but anyway…

There are other things that I have learnt which are less ingrained but I still believe she has indoctrinated into me. For example if she points at the floor that is a subtle signal for me to kneel at her feet, if she points with the left hand I kneel on the left and vice versa. This sort of thing is very useful for her to assert her control in vanilla settings. At Christmas we were all at my mother’s house, Mistress sat on the sofa and subtly pointed at the floor in front of her. Despite there being several seats free I knelt by her legs much to the confusion of my mother who asked why I didn’t sit on a seat, I just replied that I liked it on the floor which fortunately she accepted without much argument.

Whilst kneeling isn’t something my body does without my input (thankfully!) there is a subconscious element to it. It’s not just following a predefined command, when I see her make that gesture I want to kneel there for her and there is a certain amount of compulsion for me to comply.

Anyway, this is all background and not the point of this post. The reason I went off on this tangent is to demonstrate that I, the neural pathways that constitute the Lois personality, cannot always be held responsible for my actions and therefore it is not my fault that I was awoken on Saturday morning by my own moans with two fingers pushed inside my dripping wet pussy!

Mistress was well and truly awake, propped up on her elbow and had been watching my unconscious masturbation for several minutes when I started to come around (pun intended!). Her first words to me that morning were “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”, which sounds mean but she did have a huge grin on her face when she said it.

I quickly pulled my hand out from under my slip but didn’t know what to do with it, my fingers were coated in juices. Mistress grabbed my hand and wiped my fingers over my face and then she jumped out of bed still holding my wrist and pulling me across it until I almost fell onto the floor out of her side.

I managed to get my feet on the floor and she pulled me around to the foot of the bed and bent me over to lean on it, I knew what was coming and in the hope of winning some favour I reached back and lifted my slip over my ass. This is Mistresses favourite punishment caning position.

In case you weren’t aware I have a bit of a masochist streak so getting whipped, cropped, paddled, flogged and caned isn’t usually an effective punishment or deterrent for me, In fact in less disciplined times I may have intentionally earned such “punishments” however they have usually started with maybe some flogging, then a few paddles and then once I’m warmed up the hot sting of the cane.

Mistresses punishment canings are somewhat different in that they begin with twenty or so full forced swats to my unprepared ass and then end. Whilst I’m usually wet when she’s finished (I refer you back to my opening statement regarding my bodies constant betrayals) they are definitely a punishment and neither the act itself nor trying to sit down at any point in the following few hours is enjoyable…….well maybe a tiny bit! Sssshhhh!

So my Saturday started with a bang, twenty bangs, but then the whole incident seemed to be forgotten. Mistress and I went to Miss Hannah’s house that evening (I may write about that later) and then had quite a relaxing Sunday. However that evening I learn the real punishment for my transgressions.

Mistress claims that this isn’t a punishment but rather an aid to assist in my training to be a better submissive and to control my “wanton sluttiness” better. Every night since Sunday at 10pm I have been locked in my chastity belt until 7am the next morning.

Apparently I have put on a little weight (although I am still within the narrow weight guidelines that Mistress has prescribed for me) because the belt feels quite tight, especially around my pussy which feels sort of “squashed” when I have the belt on. This is a custom-made, very effective chastity belt so it definitely preventing my wandering fingers in the night but it certainly doesn’t allow a comfortable sleep.

Mistress says that if I’m good I will only have to wear it a week but if “the issue” recurs then “we” might need to look at a longer term solution. She left it at that which kind of scares the crap out of me and leaves me massively turned on to be honest!

So, to you the jury, can I honestly be held responsible for the actions of my so-called subconscious? Is it really me who is culpable for the nocturnal masturbation’s of my unconscious body? Or should these charges be thrown out with prejudice?

The defence rests Your Honour.


What is it like?

I’ve had a lot of questions recently about what it is like to wear this infernal chastity belt for so long so I thought I would just write a short post about it.

The belt is all metal, very close-fitting as it was made to measure and for the most part reasonably comfortable. I say “comfortable” but it is a rigid piece of metal that runs from my back between my ass cheeks, through my legs and up over my pubic bone to meet a horizontal piece that goes around my waist just above my hips.

The belt piece is shaped ergonomically so it sits reasonably well on my hips but it still rubs from time to time. My ass cheeks are permanently pushed apart which was uncomfortable at first but I got used to it quite quickly. The groin part sits firmly against my skin, I can get maybe the very tip of my finger under it but that is it, it covers the whole area between my legs and widens up the front over my pussy and pubic bone preventing any access to my pussy. The main belt has a narrow slit that runs over my pussy, this is to pee out of, it is small but you could insert something narrow into it. However, my belt has a secondary shield over that one which has small holes drilled into it. It still allows pee out but there is no way t get anything in. I was very thorough when I bought the belt, unfortunately.

The belt is OK to lie down in but uncomfortable to sit in, you have to sit in a certain way other wise it digs in but that too I have now got the hang of.

So many people have asked about hygiene in the belt which I think is weird but really who am I to judge?! So periods would be a huge drama in the belt so I have taken my contraceptive pill continuously throughout the time wearing the belt which thankfully has prevented any periods. Peeing is fine although can be a bit messy as it doesn’t always come out of the same place, I have learnt to let it out slowly so that it trickles out of the belt. The only problem is that I obviously can’t wipe myself so if I am at home I generally have a shower (or a partial shower) afterwards and clean the area, if I am not at home I carry a little water spray with me and use that to rinse myself before using paper to dry the belt as much as possible.

Going to the bathroom for a number two is horrible and messy, there is an anal hole in the belt which is small and it gets covered in mess, I basically have to have a shower straight afterwards and spend a lot of time cleaning myself up. I have fond that a bottle brush pushed through the anal hole (not into my asshole) is the most effective way of cleaning it. Obviously I only do this at home but then I only ever go for a poo there anyway.

I need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and I have tried various things to achieve that in the belt. You can;t get anything in there so that is out, applying vibration to the outside of the belt just vibrates in the wrong places, it is arousing but not enough which is just frustrating! You could, technically insert something thin into my ass but really what would be the point?

So that is that, I am massively sexually frustrated, I think about sex 100% of the time and have daydreamed of having various sexual liaisons with almost everyone I work with and all my friends as well as complete strangers. I have become very flirty with everyone, even girls who work in sandwich shops who are clearly straight (I quite like my sandwich shop girl!).

I am very much looking forward to getting free of this thing and enjoying a hot bath and many, many orgasms!

Careful what you wish for

I’ve started to write this blog post so many times but I’ve just not been able to get the creative juices flowing enough to write anything worth posting. Maybe my creative juices are connected to some other juices that I’ve been having some issues with for the last eight and a half weeks.

Yes, thats right it has been THAT long and trust me when I say I have felt every single minute of it tick by like time has slowed to half speed.

So far I have collected ten keys which I would be quite pleased about if it wasn’t for the fact that I didn’t expect there to be ten keys in the first place and that I still have no idea how many more keys there are to go.

I’ve been to Edinburgh, Glasgow, London, Leeds, Newcastle, Newquay, Birmingham, Manchester, Oxford and Sheffield for the keys I have retrieved. I haven’t added it up but I think I’ve travelled a fair distance in my quest for freedom from this infernal device!

For those that don’t know I have quite a high sex drive, normally I have a minimum of one orgasm per day and that keeps me ticking over quite nicely however I have only ever cum a handful of times without some sort of clitoral stimulation and the chastity belt does an exceptional job of preventing that. So I was pretty badly horny after a couple of days and after a couple of weeks I was going crazy. I literally cried myself to sleep on several occasions because I was so frustrated.

The belt is fairly comfortable, for a foreign body locked around you 24 hours a day, but it does rub sometimes and I have had nights where I just couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t get comfortable in bed with it on. Wearing it under clothes isn’t as difficult as you might imagine, it is quite invisible under jeans and thicker tops and now that the weather has gone colder that is all the easier. For work I wear a business suit and I bought some thicker blouses so that the top of the belt wouldn’t be visible through them. It’s actually quite comfortable to wear it with a knee length skirt as there is no chance of anyone seeing it and once I’d relearned how to walk, sit and cross my legs normally it was fine. The only thing you have to be very conscious of is knocking it against things, even through clothes it makes a very metallic sound when it hits something solid so you have to be careful of that.

Hannah posted to say I was sulking and she wasn’t wrong, I’ve gone through a lot of emotions over these weeks from super crazy horny to totally depressed to happy (ish), it has been a real motion all roller coaster! The belt is so effective for me and for a long time I just wanted to cum, it occupied all of my thoughts and I tried at length to make it happen but failed. Then I begged and begged and made all sorts of promises to Hannah if she would just let me out but it turns out she has honestly forgotten the combination for the safe and retrieving the keys really is the only way out. She is still stubbornly refusing to tell me how many keys there are as well, her standard response being “you TOLD me not to say!”, which is technically true I suppose.

My “fuck buddy” friend situation isn’t going so well, I suspect he is getting bored with not being able to fuck anywhere but my mouth (which he has done a lot of late) but I think the problem is more his lack of creativity. I haven’t told him that because it isn’t part of our agreement for me to have input on how he uses me but he reads my blog so I guess this is me expressing my opinion!

Hannah has been acting quite the Domme through this whole thing, I think she is quite enjoying holding this over me, it might be interesting to see where that goes in the future.

I think that is all I have to say right now, not that exciting an entry I grant you but at least it’s an entry! I will try and post a bit more often, I know I’ve been pretty lax of late.

Last thing before I go, this is the porn I’ve been looking at of late (which by the way is a terrible idea when you’re in chastity but I can’t help myself!):

Body Writing Humiliation, Rope Bondage (esp. Crotch ropes), Severe Prolonged Predicament Bondage, Extreme Body Mods

But I can take your orgasms!

Written by Miss Hannah

I sent her the message at 5:30pm exactly “Be at my flat for 7pm”, I’d decided that ninety minutes would be plenty of time for her to get here and for me to get everything ready. I already had all the items I needed, the little electronic safe pre-programmed with the eight digit combination that I’d long since forgotten, two new padlocks still in their wrapping, and her custom built chastity belt, it was going to be a fun evening!

I got all the food in the oven and then went to get ready, I took a long bath, shaving all the usually places including trimming my tidy little bush, then I rinsed off in the shower. I had bought new underwear specially for the occasion, all red and lacy, I slipped into those and then into my little black dress. I usually don’t wear much make up but I decided the occasion was worth a bit more effort, I went for smoldering eyes and dark red lips.

I laid my tiny table, her plate at one side, mine at the other, two tall candles to the sides and one sparkling chastity belt in the middle. I served the food just before seven assuming that she wouldn’t dare to be late, I assumed right, she had over a minute to go when the intercom buzzed.

I was waiting with the door open when she came down the hall with a nervous look on her face, she hadn’t dressed up quite as much as me, she was wearing a little pleated blue skirt and pale pink top with embroidered flowers all down one side. I could tell she had made an effort with her makeup though, there was way more eye shadow then she normally wears. On her feet she had some nice high heels but then she rarely wears anything else.

It didn’t matter what she was wearing anyway because I blocked the door with my body and after a brief hug and a kiss on the cheek I told her to take all of her clothes off. Clearly she didn’t see that coming because she looked shocked and rather than doing as she was told she asked “What here?”. I thought that maybe the Dommely thing to do would be to give her a slap for her disobedience but that isn’t really my style so I just grinned and said “yes, here”. She looked around but there was no-one about, I knew there wouldn’t be because the flat next door is empty and the girl from the other flat on my floor was on holiday but it was fun watching her squirm because she didn’t know that.

She stepped out of her she’s and the unzipped her skirt and let it fall to the floor then she pulled her top over her head briefly messing up her usually perfect hair and dropped that into the pile. She took another look around before unclipping her black lace bra and letting it slide off her arms then finally she pushed her thumbs under the waistband of her little matching knickers and slid them down too before using her foot to push her pile of clothes to the side of the corridor.

I admired her naked body, she really is a beautiful girl, she should have a nice body the amount of time she spends at the gym but it is more than that, she is pretty and intelligent and when she is passionate about something she is really passionate about it, or them!

“Your clothes will get creased like that, fold them nicely and hand them to me” I said, I was totally stealing this from something I read somewhere but I was enjoying every minute. I could see her face almost twist into a defiant smile but instead she bent down and folded the clothes neatly before placing the shoes on top and handing the pile to me. I took it from her and moved out of the way then I closed the door behind me and dropped the clothes onto the floor behind it, I’m certain she noticed me do it but she didn’t react at all, I was a little disappointed but if anyone is keeping score I would still make that 2-1 to me.

I just realized that I haven’t really introduced myself, my name is Hannah and this isn’t my blog it is Lois’ blog, Lois being the naked girl now standing in my flat. I am not a Domme, not yet anyway, historically I am a sub like Lois and that is how we met but then I started to develop a few “switchy” tendencies and recently the Dominant side of that has started to overtake my subbie side, most significantly since Lo and I embarked on this little plan for her. I’m very much a newby at it though, still learning the ropes and not amazingly confident in it although I have been trying my best not to show that to our favorite little slut. We have been friends on and off for a little while now but have always been on an even footing, it is only very recently our relative positions have altered.

So where was I, let her in, threw clothes on floor….then I told her to take a seat, she was clearly embarrassed about being naked in front of me in our news roles but I just pretended like it was nothing new. She pulled out the metal chair on her side and found the bag of ice cubes that I’d left there fifteen minutes earlier, I said “you can put that on the floor now”, she smiled and said “enjoying yourself?” to which I replied “Oh yes, very much. Sit!”.

I watched her closely as she sat down, her lips tightened and her eyes widened as she lowered herself onto what must have been an extremely cold chair but then she composed herself and looked at me and smiled.

We ate our meal and drank some wine over the next forty five minutes, we talked about normal things completely avoiding her nakedness or what we both knew was going to happen afterwards, the whole time though she kept a more respectful tone than usual though which I found myself quite enjoying.

By the time dinner was finished and we had polished off the bottle of wine the tension had risen considerably, my heart was beating faster and there was some definite heat between my legs! I stood up and picked up the belt then took her hand whilst issuing the command “Up”, she stood and followed me to the sofa and I indicated for her to kneel and then I sat down on the sofa swinging my leg over so that she was knelt between my legs facing away from me.

On the coffee table was the open safe and the two padlocks, I told her to take on of the locks and unwrap it, she did so although with some difficulty, I told her to put the keys in the safe which she did. Then I told her to do the same with the other lock and she complied, then I told her to close the safe. She was a little more hesitant on this command but after a seconds thought she closed the door and we both listened as the electronic lock closed. Lois turned to me and said “Do you really not know the code” to which I replied “Not a clue, pick up your belt and one of the locks”, she turn back around and picked them both up. I directed her attach the lock to the shield which she did easily.

I reached around her and cupped her breasts, squeezing them in my hands and taking her nipples between my fingers and thumbs, she didn’t make the slightest move to stop me and instead closed her eyes, leaned her head back against the sofa and pushed her chest out. I massaged her breasts and pinched her nipples harder and harder, I would have been screaming in pain but I know that she loves it so I just kept pinching. Eventually her hand went for her pussy but I just said “NO!” and she stopped herself, such a disciplined slut she is!

I let go of her nipples and took a handful of her hair, she stood up as I did and I pulled her down so she was sat on the edge of the sofa then I kissed her long and hard and it was an amazing kiss. I kept hold of her her and climbed onto the sofa straddling her and pulled her head back until she was almost lying down. Her hand went for my pussy and I didn’t stop her this time, her deft fingers began rubbing me through my underwear and my hand went between her legs, it was wet, really wet and I pushed my middle two fingers into her and began rubbing her nub with my thumb.

I only gave her thirty seconds of that and then I pulled my hand away remember what I was supposed to be doing, there was supposed to be a plan! I let her continue though, no reason why I shouldn’t get some. I bucked on top of her as she made me cum hard without even removing an item of clothing, she really is quite talented!

When I was done I slid down off the sofa and knelt between her spread legs, then I reached up and grabbed her nipple and pulled her up so her face was close to mine and she was looking me directly in the eye and I said “Ask me before you cum, OK?” and she immediately replied with a breathy “Yes Miss”. I let go and she lent back on the sofa, I have no idea if she meant to say “Miss” or if it just slipped out in the moment but I have to say it felt amazing to here her say it, to me! With a huge smile on my face took her clit ring in my mouth and pushed my tongue through it.

Even if I do say so myself I am quite adept at eating pussy and Lois tasted particularly sweet that night, it was only a short time later that I heard her almost whisper “Please can I cum, I need to cum” and that was the exact moment I leaned away from her and said “No, you may not!”. Time for the plan!

I stood up and stepped away and said “Stand up”, she sort of blinked her eyes open a little like a bewildered animal and then her eyes went as wide as saucers and she said “Noooooooooo!” but I just smiled and said “Stand up” again. She slowly got to her feet and then I picked up the belt and handed it to her, she took it and then looked me in the eye and said “please” whilst her hand drifted towards her groin but I just smiled as sweetly as I could and said “put it on”.

She made a huge deal of putting it on going as slow as I have ever seen her move but I just stood patiently, my pussy almost dripping through my underwear, and watched her. I watched as she fastened it all up pulling the crotch piece tightly over her swollen throbbing pussy and then I handed her the padlock and said “you asked for this, now do it!”. Her fingers were literally trembling as she put the lock in place, I almost felt sorry for her but I said nothing as she slowly but surely pushed the lock closed until I heard it click.

I have to be honest I didn’t expect her to go through with it and if she had really begged I probably would have let her off despite all the hard work I put into but in the end she was very compliant and willingly locked herself in a chastity belt for an undetermined length of time.

Neither of us said anything for at least a minute and then I pulled my dress over my head and pushed off my underwear and then sat back in a chair and spread my legs,  without a word being spoken Lois knelt between them and used her tongue on both of my holes until I  had cum several times.

I could tell she was massively frustrated but she wasn’t at all mad with me from what I could tell, not even when I gave her the first key and the address in Edinburgh where it could be used. She left my flat looking exactly as she had done when she arrived save for a bit of smudged makeup, you couldn’t tell at all that she was starting what promises to be a very frustrating time in her life!

They may take our lives but they will never take our freedom!

I am writing this completely naked, no clothes, no underwear, no pajamas and no metal chastity belt!

After warning me that my little task would be starting any day now I have been waiting expectantly and have heard nothing. After all my complaining that should probably be a good thing but now that it’s so close the apprehension is the worse part and she is keeping me hanging on far too long now!

In the mean time I carried our a little task that someone set me and spent three days with a bell from a cat collar tied to my clit ring! I thought this would be fairly easy but the thing rings at the slightest movement. I’ve never sat so still in a three hour meeting my entire life!

I also got a summons from my man friend, he wanted to fuck my pussy before it got Locked up and as he is free to do that whenever he feels like it I obediently agreed. There was one sticking point though, he wanted me there at 5pm but I had a meeting until 5pm that day.

My punishment for being late was that after he had filled my pussy with cum and I’d pulled up my knickers because he “doesn’t want me dripping on the carpet”, a comment which made my cheeks nice and red, he had me go into his little bathroom and kneel in front of the toilet, then bend over and put my head into the bowl, then he pissed all over my hair.

When I left a minute later my hair was dripping with his urine, I went down a side street and rung it out and then tied it back, it didn’t look too bad and fortunately it didn’t really smell but I had a thorough shower as soon as I got home!

I will keep you apprised if and when Hannah gets in touch, in the mean time I update twitter when my new friend calls so if you’re interested follow me on there!


P.s. The title of this post is referring to my freedom from chastity and is not a comment on the D/s lifestyle which I, obviously, condone!

Bad idea

You know when something seems like a good idea at the time but then later you really regret it?

I went through a phase a couple of months ago when the idea of being locked in my chastity belt for an extended period of time really excited me, I literally dreamed about it every night. In fact I was so obsessed with it that I sought out a way to make it happen and me being me I wanted to make sure that escape would not be a simple matter.

I had recently reconnected with a sub girl that I used to know, called Hannah, who had recently been having a few switchy feelings going on and chastity happened to come up so I told her about my desires for true chastity without having a partner to hold the key. Predictably she offered to be the key holder but I wanted a bit more than that, I knew that if I really begged she would release me and that knowledge would detract from the experience I was seeking.

We discussed different ideas and eventually we came up with a plan which could actually work, my friend went off to look into it and report back. In the mean time my obsession with chastity had no abated but I had started the agreement that I described in my last post. After a couple of weeks she came back and declared that the plan would work and she would help me to put it into action but that it would take some time, I was delighted!

What was the plan you ask? It’s a little long-winded so bear with me…

Well first off I needed to purchase a little eight digit digital safe, that I have done and given it to her. She would then write down eight random numbers, program the door of the safe with those numbers and then leave it open. The piece of paper with the code on would then go into a sealed envelope.

On her next trip around the UK Hannah will find a long-term storage locker at train station or a safe deposit box or whatever. Somewhere she can lock something up and have a key to get at it later. This required a significant amount of research on her part!

Once she had located somewhere to stash it she would put the envelope inside and take the key home. You can probably see where this is going at this point but I’ve started so I’ll finish.

Apparently not all of these things have actual keys, some have codes, some require you to show a ticket, I will just refer to all these as keys to make life simpler. So next time she goes away she will take the “key” with her and wherever she is this time she will find another place to store something and in there she will put the key plus an envelope describing on what and where the key can be used. Then, she’ll have another key to stash…

The plan was that she would follow this process at least three times but in one of my more masochistic moments I suggested we should not put a maximum limit on how many times she would repeat it. I would leave that decision to her and from that moment on I would be submissive in this endeavor.

So that agreement was made several weeks ago now and she has refused to give me any more information on her efforts since then except nearly two weeks ago when she told me she was almost done setting it all up, by which time my obsession with this plan had waned somewhat! I made an attempt to get out of it, I told my new “fuck buddy” about it but he loved the idea and said that my mouth could satisfy his cock just fine and that he’d like to see what would happen if I could get any relief for a while. Having failed there I called Hannah and told her that I wasn’t so up for the idea anymore.

It turns out that in the weeks she had been setting things up Hannah had gone from a very much 50-50 switch to leaning very much toward being a Domme! She told me in no uncertain terms that I was NOT getting out of it, that she had put a lot of effort into organizing it and that now I would do as I was told! I have to admit, I was really quite wet when she ended that call with me in mid sentence.

That brings you up to date on my impending doom. Any day now she is going to call and tell me to come to her flat with my belt, which is an hours drive away. She’ll give me a brand new padlock and tell me to put on the belt, then I’ll have to put the keys in the safe and lock it, then she will give me an envelope containing a key and a location and my “adventure” will have begun.

Hannah is always away, she travels literally all over the UK (and Ireland) for work so these keys could be stashed anywhere, I do some travelling for work but mainly I work in Cambridge these days so I will only really be able to travel at the weekend to follow my little treasure hunt which means I could possibly get two in a weekend which means I will be in the belt for AT LEAST one full week and depending on how cruel she has been I could be in it for a lot longer.

Those who have been reading for a while will remember that I wore the belt for a week once, it was hell, I was going crazy by the end. Just to put this in perspective I have quite a high sex drive, I make myself cum at least once a day and often more than that. This belt, that I spent a fortune on (why?), is exceptionally effective. It is made to measure, it fits like a glove and it works perfectly. I need clitoral stimulation to cum almost every time, the only times I have cum without it (that I can remember anyway) were from vigorous penetration, neither of which are even remotely possible in this chastity belt.

So there you have it, my bad idea is coming back to haunt me big time,I can’t get out of it and I am truly dreading it!

Keeping busy

I’ve been keeping myself quite busy with work recently but I’ve also had a new “thing” going, eloquent I know but I’m finding it hard to find a name for it!

it started a while back when I was contacted by someone on collarme with what upon might call an indecent proposal. He was an older man (than me) who Was a Dom until he met his now wife over ten years ago, she wasn’t into it and he gave it up to be with her.

However, as I know all too well, you can stop acting upon your need for this lifestyle but you can’t remove the need, the man explained that while his wife and he are still very much in love their sex life has dwindled as she is less and less interested in it while his desires have increased and returned to centre around BDSM. They have talked about this at length and come to the agreement that he would be allowed to “see” someone to alleviate his frustrations.

He went on to say that he had no interest in using a prostitute and that instead he wanted to find someone who he could fulfil his desires with and then show the door with no romantic entanglements so that he could then go back to his happy marriage.

Now, I’m not sure what you are thinking right now but I was pretty skeptical at this point! However, it gets better!

After spending many days looking at BDSM personals sites he came across my collarme profile, read my blog and took an interest. He lives near Cambridge (like me) and has an office in the centre of town (like me) and wondered if I would be interested in some sort of arrangement.

There was a minor detail though, his wife wanted to meet and “approve” whoever he chose before anything happened and she would have final say over whether she was happy for it to happen and also have the power to stop it whenever she wished.

When I’d finished reading his proposal I thought it was totally weird but also really quite intriguing. As I’ve mentioned before, after the spectacular failure of my recent relationship and most of my previous relationships I am in no rush to get into another one but I still want and need to satisfy my own desires.

I decided to reply to his message and after quite a few messages back and forth over a few weeks we talked about an arrangement, he didn’t want a scheduled meeting in a dungeon somewhere, he wanted to be able to phone or text me whenever he had an itch and we would meet up so he could scratch it and then send me on my way and that appealed to me too. The degradation of being used like that, picked up and put down, appeals to my submissive side and the things he wanted to do with me definitely appealed to some of my other sides. Plus it’s exciting, not knowing when I’ll be called upon.

So I agreed and a date was set for me to meet his wife, it was just the two of us and I have to say it was one of the strangest hours of my life. The guy has his own business and is doing quite well so they live in a very nice house in one of the suburbs of Cambridge, she invited me in and then she made tea and cakes! She asked a lot of questions of me none of which were of a sexual nature, she wanted to know about my interests (outside of the bedroom), about my previous relationships (I could tell when I answered that she wasn’t expecting anyone with a female name to come up!) and my career and then she was done. She thanked me for coming to see her and for showing “The proper respect” and that was it I was free to go. I later got a text from him saying “You passed the test.”.

This was all a few months ago now and it is all going quite well really! The first time he called me we just went to a café and had coffee, the second time I went to his office and he bent me over his desk and fucked me before sending me back to work with soggy knickers. I the following weeks the visits continued in the same vein, he made a “deposit” in my other two holes on the next two visits and then once he’d tried out all three he moved onto other things.

Just to set the scene a little, these meetings rarely last more than half an hour, an hour at the max. Most of the time I remove only a few or no clothes, for instance the first visit where he fucked my pussy he just hiked up my skirt and pulled my underwear to the side. He just wants to do what he feels like doing and then send me on my way, which is perfectly fine with me, I have no interest in a relationship with the guy!

So after he had got the fucking out of his system, he moved onto a bit of humiliation. He had me kneel on his office floor and finger myself to orgasm, another time he had me keep my hands behind my back and make myself cum against his thigh while he sat in his chair. Another time he had me pull down my knickers, bend over a chair with my pussy pointing at him and fuck myself with a peeled banana until I came, then pull up my knickers and leave. I can’t imagine many of you have been in this situation before but let me tell you that walking out into the middle of town with your pussy filled with mashed up banana is not a simple thing to deal with when you only have ten minutes to get back to work! I loved it though!

His business in an accountancy for small businesses and his premises is only small, his office at the back and then the main room with his PA/Secretary/Receptionist in it. She is nice but not the sharpest tool in the box, it’s pretty clear he didn’t hire her for her brain though, poor girl!

He also quite likes my chastity belt, we have used it once, he text me one day and told me to bring it with me but to leave my locks and keys at home. When he text me against just before lunch he told me to bring the belt so I went via my car and arrived with the belt in a bag. He told me to get him hard with my mouth and then make him cum inside me. I knelt in front of his chair and took out his cock, I got him hard very quickly with my extensive skills 😉 and then pulled off my knickers and straddled him backwards (with my back facing him reverse cowgirl style), his cock slid easily into my wet hole and I began to fuck him but as I put all my effort into bouncing up and down he told me I wasn’t allowed to cum and then he filled me with his load.

He pushed me off and told me to put the belt on and before his cum had even had chance to start leaking from me he was clicking the locks closed on my belt, my very horny pussy was destined to go unsatisfied for three days until the keys arrived unexpectedly in the post.

So that is ongoing and I am having fun with it, it’s not everything I want but at least it is something and there are no strings attached to it which is perfect for me at the moment.

I have a few other things on the horizon as well so I will be back soon to tell you about those.


A little disclaimer for those new to reading this blog: The pictures I use in posts are very rarely of me, they re just pictures I find by searching the web for the topics I am writing about. If a post does contain a picture of me you will know because it will be in the “Pictures of me” category. Lo xx

Fifty Shades of Lois

I know I’ve been away for a while but I am going to jump straight in where I left off and then talk about things at the end…

It was the last day of my punishment and I as I’d said in my last post I was REALLY ready for it to be over and I had definitely learned my lesson, no more lies! I’d like to say this is just for moral reasons but in actual fact it’s just not worth another week like that to keep ANYTHING from her!

Before she came round I had a long soak in the bath and did my best for everything to be clean when the belt came off, then I put on some stockings, some big heals and a nice LBD ready for her arrival. She got to my house at about 7.30pm and I was waiting for her knelt behind the door, this has become a bit of a custom now and I think she likes it so I always try to be there if I know she is coming.

When she let herself in I kept my eyes on the floor submissively and just waited, she walked straight passed me and into the bedroom, my heart was beating like crazy and I didn’t know what to do.  Eventually she came back out having left her stuff in there and she squatted in front of me, finally she used her finger under my chin to lift my head to look at her.

Before I knew what was happening her lips were on mine and she kissing me with an urgency more than anything I have felt from her before, in fact she kissed me so hard that I fell backwards onto my arms (ouch!) but she just came with me, straddling my body with her thighs and keeping her lips pressed against mine.

I pulled my arms from under me and hugged her close as we kissed for a good five minutes, eventually she pulled away and said “I missed you” and I said “Oh god I missed you so much Kay” and we kissed a bit more, I was wet again already!

I didn’t want her to ever get off but she got back up and helped me do the same, unfortunately she lead me into the lounge, not the bedroom, holding my hand and we sat together on the sofa. She said that it felt like she was punishing herself this week not being able to see me, I blushed with shame and told her how sorry I was and that it will never happen again and she just smiled at me which made me feel amazing and I knew all was forgiven.

Kayleigh went for a shower then and I sorted us out a nice food, candles, music…a really romantic meal for us both.

When she came back she was all clean and wearing a sexy little dress of her own with her hair back and bare feet, I handed her a glass of wine and we sat down.

Over dinner we talked about the week, she asked me how I liked sleeping in the cage and I told her honestly that I didn’t like it because it was very uncomfortable to sleep in but that it had got easier and I got quite a bit of sleep the night before. Then she asked about the chastity belt and I tried to keep my composure but it all just kind of came out.

I told her how crazy I’ve been feeling and how I couldn’t concentrate and have been in a terrible mood, she just found it all hilarious and was literally laughing out loud at some of the things I was telling her about, I told her it wasn’t funny but that just made her laugh more, then she started playing with the belt key between her fingers while I told her all about THAT night with the MP3 file, just thinking about that makes me frustrated!

After dinner we cuddled on the sofa for a while, me laid with my head on her knee, her running her fingers up and down the metal covering my damp pussy.

I know you love hearing about the BDSM aspects of our relationship but sometimes I just enjoy being a couple, sitting together and talking and looking into her wonderful eyes! She really is an amazing person, she has two jobs and she is putting herself through a PRINCE2 course as well as being with me. Plus she is passionate, compassionate, mature, friendly…….lovable, if somewhat short tempered on occasion! I just wanted to say that as I think people sometimes forget that we are really people, not just characters in BDSM scenes.

Anyway, after a while I couldn’t stand it anymore and begged her to take the belt off, eventually she said “OK I’ll take it off if you promise not to cum until I say so” which I obviously agreed to without even thinking about it!

I followed her into the bedroom and she told me to take off my dress, I slid it over my head and dropped it to the floor then stood and waited in just my stockings and heels. She told me to fold my arms behind my back and spread my legs which I did obediently.

You have no idea how happy it felt to hear the lock click and then feel the belt open and be removed from between my legs, I really don’t know how to describe the feeling of having it removed, the only thing I can compare it to is having a plaster cast removed, except with the relief multiplied by about a thousand!

I was desperate to look down, to see my long lost pussy again but I maintained my composure and my position whilst she removed the belt and laid it on the floor. She then ran a single finger gentle up the length of my slit and I gasped and I swear I almost came just from the sensation as her finger started my clit tag swaying.

She told me to get on my knees and as I obeyed she went over to my dresser and returned with a paddle brush, like you (probably) I assumed I was in for a spanking but instead she knelt down behind me and began to brush my hair pulling it back tightly, then she said “play with yourself”.

I hesitated, unsure if I had heard her correctly, then I got a sharp stinging slap on my ass with the back of the brush so I moved one hand from behind my back and tentatively ran it down my pubic mound until I touched my engorged clit and gasped. My clit was much larger than I remembered it, swollen and massively sensitive.

I touched it again and it felt like nothing I can describe, the sensation was like an electric current passed between my finger and clitoris and I had to pull it away immediately for fear I might cum involuntarily. As soon as I pulled my finger away I felt the back of the brush impact my other ass cheek and her voice came over my shoulder saying “play with yourself NOW”, she was trying to sound threatening but I could hear the smile in her voice.

I skipped past my clit and ran my fingers down my slit, I was soaking wet when I found my hole and quickly pushed two fingers into myself using all of my self control to obey my orders and then began to very slowly thrust them in and out.

I didn’t notice when she stopped brushing my hair but I did notice when she reached underneath me from behind and my fingers froze inside me as she pushed one of hers into me along side them.  I moaned loudly and the words “Oooohh please” escaped my lips as I struggled to contain myself to which she replied with “Don’t” and quickly pulled her finger back out of me.

She got up and walked around me towards the closet but as she did she looked back over her shoulder, a big grin on her face, and said “Carry on”. I closed my eyes and continued to finger fuck myself very slowly so as not to cum despite being hornier than I’ve ever been in my life.

When she came out of the closet she was sucking the finger than had been inside me and she looked so sexy, she was carrying two pairs of handcuffs and a riding crop. She reached me and held out the cuffs saying “On the bed, on your back, wrists to ankles” which a big happy smile on her face.

I looked up at her, flushed and horny, took my fingers out of myself and reached up to take the cuffs but she pulled them back and said “Clean your fingers! Dirty Girl!” as if she was talking to a child.  I blushes and then looked her straight in the eye as I placed my wet fingers in my mouth and sucked on them filling my mouth with the taste of my pussy.

With my fingers clean I climbed onto the bed positioning myself knelt near the bottom of it, then I laid back so my legs were bent underneath me. Kayleigh watched as I attached the cuffs to my ankles and then reach down and attach one to my wrist, I struggled with the other so she helped me finish restraining myself.

Being restrained like that feels very submissive, I have to spread my legs and bow my body and it feels and looks like I am presenting myself to her and it feels amazing! I think she is quite fond of it too!

As I lay there she slid her dress over her head and she was naked beneath it, my eyes drank in her sexy smooth skin remembering the curves of her body that I had missed more than I realised over the previous week. She picked the crop back up and began running it over my body, every now and then giving me a little smack with it.

She ran the tip of the crop over every part of my body and then finally let it rest of my clit, my eyes were closed and I was biting my lip so hard trying to contain myself, she moved the handle so that the crop was balanced on my stomach with the leather tip still resting on my swollen clitoris and told me to keep still.

She climbed onto the bed and straddled my head facing the bottom of the bed, her legs were spread wide and her sweet pussy was just inches from my face. She took my nipples between her fingers and began to roll them and pinch them as she gave me my orders, “You’re going to make me come with your tongue and when you do I will signal you to come to.” and with that she lowered her pussy onto my hungry mouth.

My mind was spinning a little, she was pulling and twisting my nipples and it was driving me wild and I had only been half listening to my orders! I didn’t have to much time to think about it though as my tongue went to work circling her clit and then plunging into her tasting her for the first time in too long.

She was wet, very wet, and I could feel her juices coating my face as I pleasured her and it just made me more horny. I could hear her moaning and suddenly she let go of my nipples and her body pushed down harder on my face and I realised I couldn’t breathe and then the crop smacked my clit so hard and I screamed and came all at the same time and my mind when somewhere completely new and I was in a total daze.

I didn’t pass out but I was completely out of it and when I started to come to Kayleigh was no longer on top of me, she was laying beside my with a slightly concerned look on her face.  The cuffs were still on my wrists but they weren’t attached to my ankles anymore and my legs were stretched out below me.  Kayleigh was stroking my hair and as I focused on her she said “Are you Ok baby?” and I slowly nodded my head.

It was a totally weird experience but an amazing one, I don’t know what made me go so weird, it might have been the built up tension or the lack of oxygen or….I don’t know what! I can say though that it was probably the best orgasm I have ever had!

Kayleigh was amazing afterwards, really loving and caring, she got me a drink and then cuddled me and it was exactly what I needed.

After a while we started to discuss the TPE week and she laid out the rules that she wanted me to stick by for that week, they were:

  1. She will live in my house with me
  2. I will do all of the cooking, cleaning and bill paying
  3. I will obey her every command without question
  4. she will respect my safety and wellbeing
  5. I will ask permission before eating
  6. I will ask permission before using the toilet
  7. She will choose what clothes I will wear at all times
  8. I will not engage in any sexual act without her permission
  9. I will not write about our TPE week on your blog
  10. I will wear a token of her ownership at all times

We discussed each of these rules at length, she explained what she meant by them and I asked questions which she was more than happy to answer.

When it came to the last one I showed her the collar I had bought which she was very happy with and told me I must wear it at all times when I am in the house, then she produced a white gold necklace which was made up of a thin gold band that goes around my neck and then it has a white gold padlock that fastens it as the front and hangs down like a pendant but it is a working padlock.  It’s a really beautiful necklace but I can’t take it off when its locked! I loved it.

Unfortunately I cannot write anything more about that week due to rule number nine, we discussed this rule for a while because I really wanted to write about the week but she said she wanted it to just be about the two of us and eventually I agreed.

I can say that I really enjoyed the week, it brought us even closer together despite my being very frustrated with it at times! Another thing I can say is that since the TPE week I now have layered blonde rather than brown hair!  I’m not sure if I will keep it like this or not although it has grown on me somewhat since it was done.

I guess I should explain the previous post a little. After the TPE week we went back to living in separate houses and things conspired against us and I didn’t get to see Kayleigh too much, we went from me living in her pocket to hardly seeing each for a week and for some reason I got really down about it.  I can’t really explain how I was feeling except to say that I was pretty down and then at the end of the week when I finally got to see Kayleigh she dropped a bomb shell, she wants to collar me!

This should have made me happy I think but in actually fact it filled me with fear and confusion, my reaction was not what Kayleigh was expecting or hoping for and she got quite upset about it and I don’t blame her!  I don’t want to go into too much detail about it because at this point it doesn’t really matter.

Eventually I got out of my depression and realised that this is actually something I want, I love Kayleigh and I can’t imagine not being with her and I don’t want to be without her and she loves me! I think that was part of the problem, I didn’t trust that she loved me and that this wasn’t just a bit of fun for her.

So when it came to her birthday, along with all the “normal” gifts that I gave her was my collar from the TPE week and a note saying “Please accept me as yours”.  She was shocked but very happy and so was I!

We have discussed it quite a bit since Monday (her birthday) and I think we have agreed how it will work but I will save that for another entry I think.

I’m sorry for my absence but I am back writing now, only now I’m going be owned for the first time in a long while, exciting times! I am looking forward to your comments on this surprising (for me anyway!) turn of events!

Oh, and to explain the title, I’m reading a certain trilogy of books at the moment (isn’t everyone!?) and I think Kayleigh might have already read them and starting getting ideas from them! e.g. Riding crop to the clit!

Crime and punishment

Kayleigh came round after work last night to discuss the plans for my week of TPE, we discussed it for a while and I think we are both happy with the plans for it. However, I had also decided to tell her about this blog which is something that I have been wrestling with for some time as most of you will know.

I started this blog as a substitute for discussing things with my friends because discussing being a lesbian with then, never mind BDSM, was really out of the question for reasons that I have gone into in detail before. Since then I have “come out” as bi-sexual to those friends and am building up to doing the same with my family, which is a much scarier undertaking!  So you could say that the blog has served half of it’s purpose already really. However the other half is probably even more important to me, I will never “come out” to of them about the BDSM side of my life so this blog is really the only outlet, apart from Kayleigh herself, that I have to express my feelings and get input from like-minded people.

I decided to tell Kayleigh about it for a few reasons, none of them new. For a start she is my Domme and I shouldn’t be keeping secrets from her, especially when I have already been punished for keeping secrets and agreed not to keep anymore, a blatant lie! Secondly, I don’t want to keep secrets from her, I am serious about being a submissive and I want to carry out my role as well as I possible can.

So anyway, I was decided on that course of action so when we finished talking about the TPE plans I told her about it. She was furious!

I completely understand her reaction and I didn’t try to defend myself until she asked me why I hadn’t told her about it.  Then I explain basically what I have said above, that it is an important outlet for me and I was worried that she would either make me stop or want to be involved in it or read it which would change the dynamic of it completely and I would lose it as an outlet.

To her credit, despite her anger, she understood and accepted that but stated in no uncertain terms that it was no excuse for flat-out lying to her, I felt extremely ashamed of myself.

When she had calmed down a little bit she explained to me why she was so angry, that trust was had to be absolute with her and that she could not and would not tolerate any more lies from me. She asked me flat out if I had any more secrets and I said no, which is true, she said that she should just leave me but that she thought we had something that shouldn’t be thrown away because of my stupidity, I was crying at this point, I thought she was going to leave me.

Eventually she said that I was on my last chance, if she found out about one more lie from me she would be gone and it would be my own fault. I apologised, a lot and thanked her for giving me another chance.

She surprised me then by saying that she could see the blog was important to me and that she didn’t really care about me writing the blog, though she said it would have been nice to be asked, and that she will allow me to continue writing it and that she would make no effort to read it or to find out the details of it. I was feeling very grateful then but also even more stupid and ashamed for not telling her about it sooner!

Then she told me the punishment for lying and my heart sank.

Starting last night I must be in my cage by 10pm each night, I have to send her a text showing me locked in the cage at exactly 10pm each night and it must be locked with a timer lock set to eight hours, so I am allowed out at 6am. She also put me in my chastity belt, locked it and took the keys. This will last for seven days during which time I am not allowed to contact her in any way except to send the pictures.

I slept in the cage last night and let me tell you, it isn’t at all comfortable and it is extremely boring! Tonight I think I will put the cage in the lounge so at least I can watch TV!

The punishment lasts until next Thursday, it’s going to be tough. For one I don’t generally go a day without masturbating, especially since getting the piercing and I can already feel a need building up inside me that I am not going to be able to satisfy at all (I can only really cum from clitoral stimulation). Then there is the eight hours a day in the cage which is going to be complete hell, it’s so cramped and horrible being in there! And worst of all is not being able to contact Kayleigh, I text her all the time and not being able to contact her in anyway is going to be impossible! I think I would have preferred it if she had just broken my fingers!

After I have served my punishment we are going to start the TPE on the Friday so at least I have that to look forward to. Although I say look forward to it, it might be even worse than the punishment!

I am starting to think this TPE week will be make or break for me and Kayleigh, I think we have got to a point in the relationship where we are ticking along quite nicely and I think this might be her way of testing to see if it will go where she wants it to. She is still young and I think she wants to know if she is wasting time with me that she could be spending meeting new people.  She hasn’t said any of this, it’s just what I have come up with on my own but I think it makes sense.  My plan is to make sure she doesn’t want to live without me after that TPE week is over.

Last thing, it’s her birthday on 2nd July, she’ll be 22. I need to think of some good presents to get her, normal ones and of course kinky ones. I think I’ll be OK on the normal ones but I would appreciate help with the kinky ones! She likes things that lock as you know, I’d lie to get her something really different, something that you don’t see in your average BDSM store but I’m coming up blank in my Google searches! Help please?!

I was asked in a chat message about my timer padlocks. This is a picture of one, I have two. They work just like a normal padlock except once you push it down you turn the timer to lock it. One full turn is an hour and you can turn it up to eight times. I have no idea where they came from, I was given them by my ex Mistress when she moved to Australia and I have never found them anywhere despite spending a long time looking. I think they may have been custom-made but I don’t know for sure. They are fun anyway!