What it means

Someone asked me recently what submission means to me and I have my usual answer of ”it’s just the way I am, it’s my natural state”. I sometimes go into more detail about how I struggled with it for a long time and just wanted to be a “normal” girl and all of that stuff I’ve talked about on here before but it’s been a while since I’ve actually thought about this, what it means to me to be a submissive.

Even after putting some more thought into it my stock answer still holds up for the most part. Like being gay, straight, trans, non-binary, etc, etc, etc being submissive isn’t a choice, or I don’t believe it is anyway. I believe it is something that is hard wired into you and it was certainly that way for me, trust me when I say I made great efforts to escape it and, happily, failed.

What I haven’t often talked about and I don’t recall ever writing about on my blog is how the act of submitting feels in the moment. It’s a feeling that I genuinely live for and the reason that all those escape attempts failed, like a heroin addict coming back for that amazing high I am a submission addict.

If you think about it, and I mean really think about it, do you ever let your body entirely relax except for when you are unconscious? I don’t know a great deal about the biology of the human body beyond owning one (I also own a car and know nothing about those!) but I don’t think there is any time in my vanilla life where I am not in some way tensing parts of my body in order to sit a certain way, stand a certain way, walk a certain way. Even when relaxing on a sofa there is still tension in your body, I think that is how all bodies work?

There are occasions in my vanilla life where I have consciously made an effort to let all tension out of my body while lying down and just let it be and it feels really good to do that, but nothing compared with how I feel when I physically submit to another person

In that moment when I have ceded control to the other I feel a sense of peace and relaxation that I’ve never felt in any other situation. Actually now I think about it there is a small element of the same thing when I’m getting my hair cut, getting a piercing or tattoo or going for a doctors appointment where they need to touch you. I guess it’s related to giving control of yourself to them even if, like with the examples above, in a non-sexual way.

When it is in a more intimate setting though the sensations are multiplied dramatically. Standing before Fiona having no idea what she is going to do with me but also knowing she can do whatever she wants with me is such a hard to describe but heady feeling, it puts me in a sort of trance state where all of my senses are heightened and enhanced and all tension bleeds from my body.

The difference between a session when I feel this and one where I don’t is black and white, night and day. This is by no means a feeling I’ve had during every D/s encounter in my life and there have been plenty of sessions with Dominants in the past that I have thoroughly enjoyed without feeling it, but none of them beat the times that I did.

It is a feeling of intense care free well being and contentment and when I feel it I never want to stop feeling it, which of course I always did after the session but with Mistress it is different. The feeling is always there with her, not like it is in an intimate moment but every time I am with her, get a call or message from her or even just think about her I immediately feel it and that is the best thing in the world to me and why I know she is the one for me. My mind are hers at a subconscious level so it only makes sense for me to give my body to her at a conscious one.

What does submission mean to me? Everything

This is kind of rambling post where I’ve just vomited out the thoughts I’ve been having on the subject so apologies for that but I thought maybe you’d find it interesting. I’d very much enjoy any comments from other submissives if they feel something similar and from Dominants or Switches on whether they have an equivalent. I think it would be an interesting conversation.

Speaking of conversation my other site The Fet Library now has a free Discord server where people chat about stories and kink and Halo (😊)! If you’d like to join in just click this link, I’m trying to build a little community of like minded people there x

Manchester

On occasion Mistress Fiona and I will have a long weekend away somewhere in the UK just for a little break. Obviously that hasn’t been possible so much int he last couple of years but as things are starting to return back to normal we booked an impromptu weekend in sunny Manchester (spoiler: it wasn’t sunny!).

On Friday morning we packed our bags and then as we were about to leave Mistress produced a beautiful polished titanium eternity collar. She had me kneel at her feet as she closed the continuous metal ring around my neck and locked it, making a point of leaving the “key” on the side at home before leading me out of the house.

Titanium Eternity Collar

Even though I wear a collar of some sort all of the time (it can range from a strict leather posture collar to a simple necklace) it was a little daunting realising that I would be wearing this solid metal one all weekend. To some people I guess it could look like a very heavy necklace but really it is quite clearly a collar.

The journey to Manchester, via London, was fairly uneventful. In fact as far as this blog is concerned it was entirely dull! We arrived in Manchester and headed to our hotel which was really lovely (see the cover image).

After unpacking our clothes and making ourselves at home we headed into the city centre to do a bit of shopping (Mistress bought a lovely hat and dress from Ted Baker!) and went for a delicious meal at a Lebanese restaurant. I think that might be the first time I’ve had Lebanese food but it definitely won’t be the last!

After the meal we walked back to the hotel. As soon as we were in the room Fiona undressed me, leaving my coat, dress and underwear in a pool around my feet, and then led me over to the bed. Mistress often likes to have me naked whilst she is fully or mostly dressed and I love it too, it very much puts me in the right headspace as a submissive, I guess psychologically it’s a power exchange things but I don’t feel the need to analyse it too much, we both just enjoy it.

Anyway she then pulled out a black dildo gag which looked kind of like a short double ended dildo with a ball gag type strap towards one end. She moved the gag to my mouth and I obediently opened and took the three inches of so of silicone cock into my mouth and then she pulled the strap around my head and buckled it. It was surprisingly comfortable to wear because the parts that pulled into the sides of my mouth were also soft silicone so even when tightly strapped it didn’t hurt

I watched Mistress pull down and step out of her underwear and then she pulled me to my feet by my new face cock and pushed me backwards onto the bed by it, following me onto it and straddling me as she moved up my body. She gripped my wrists and moved then above my head in one movement and then pinned them there with her knees as she straddled my head.

It’s kind of hard to explain this retrospectively but Mistress is very commanding and I organically know where she wants me to be and it is not in any way awkward even when she is putting me into a specific position, I just kind of end up where she wants me.

My world was suddenly shrunk to only include my owners pussy as she slid onto the dildo protruding from my face and her skirt covered my head casting me into complete darkness.

I really have no idea how long passed but it felt like a long time, well over half an hour if I had to guess. During that time she fucked the dildo and ground her pussy into my face whilst (as I found out later) she watched videos of some of our S&M sessions. On more than one occasion her pussy was pushed into my nose but she knew what she was doing and I always got to breathe in the scent of her arousal again, eventually.

When she finally let me free we fucked vigorously and I fell asleep in her arms with her dried juices coating my face.

After a lie-in in a wonderfully comfortable bed we got up and went down for breakfast before returning to the room for a shower. Once Mistress had finished I went for my own shower ensuring I was properly clean inside and out as always.

When I emerged from the (admittedly quite long shower) I found Mistress fully dressed and ready to leave. I panicked a little thinking I was about to get in trouble for keeping her waiting but she smiled a smile that I know all too well and my heart sank and did somersaults all at the same time, a feeling only my wife can create in me!

I was led to a the end of the bed which was sort of a thoroughfare between the bed and the TV/desk area. I was placed on my knees and then bent forward with my arms above my head so that my bum was raised up a little. It is known as the “humble” position as in the picture although my ass was lower down and my knees further forward and spread wider which had the effect of parting my lips and cheeks exposing my holes. I was then blindfolded and told not to move before I heard the door open and then close again.

This is a position I find extremely humiliating and am also quite familiar with, Mistress regularly has me assume it often for long periods of time. The longest I have held it for was five hours during which a party started and ended and I served as a mere ornament. I wore ear plus the whole time and was trapped in my own head wondering who was observing me, photographing me, visually violating the most intimate parts of my body and only towards the end did this give way to the struggle simple to be Mistress’ ornament. It was an experience that stayed with me and while I still find the position very humiliating, especially when I know people other than Mistress can see me, but when it is just us, I can now find a fairly profound (if horny) and dare I say humble peace holding it for her.

What I didn’t know at the time but do know now is that when Fiona left the room she hung the “Make Up Room” sign on the door handle! Attached to the sign was a post it note which said (and I quote!):

To housekeeping, my wife is in this room in a state of undress that you may find offensive. If you think you will do so then please come back after midday when neither of us will be in the room. However if you choose to enter and make up the room whilst ignoring her you will find a generous gratuity on the desk for the inconvenience and discretion. Kind regards, Mistress Fiona.

The ultimate test of my submission to Mistress is always the times when in a moment my body and often mind is screaming at me to move or stop but through a combination of my willpower and need to please her I don’t. This could be holding a position while she brings the cane down one more time on my welted ass, pushing a needle through my own tongue or staying perfectly still when the hotel room door opens to a view of my stretched open holes.

At first I thought, wished, hoped it was Fiona who had returned to the room but as I held my breath and my heart thumped in my chest I heard a little giggle that was absolutely not Mistress! The urge to cover yourself is instinctive and I’ve had to learn to supress it which is what I did at this point. My cheeks (on my face) burnt red as the humiliation washed over me but at the same time my nipples were hardening and my extremely exposed pussy was warming and dampening.

As I listened to her cleaning up the bathroom I wondered if she had left the door open as maids often do, I couldn’t remember if I’d heard it close behind her and I knew if it was open any passer by could look in and see.

The deep burning humiliation intensified as she finished in the bathroom and proceeded to remake the bed. Moving around it purposefully but stepping past me more times than I would have thought necessary and close enough that I could feel the hem of her skin brushing against my naked skin. Each time it happened the sensation was heightened by my situation and it felt intense.

After what felt like an eternity but was likely no more than ten minutes the activity stopped, I heard some scratching and then I jumped a little as I felt her touch me on my lower back just above my ass crack. Then the door opened and closed (at this point I realised that at least I hadn’t been exposed to the corridor the whole time) and I was alone again with my thoughts and my very wet pussy!

While I was waiting I realised that she had left something on me but as I wasn’t allowed to move I had no way of knowing what it was. When Mistress returned she took a photo and showed me the post it note saying “Thank you for the tip” that had been stuck just above my ass with a chocolate placed on top of it.

Fiona said I still looked very flushed when she let me up from the floor and was very pleased with how her plan had worked out as well as how wet I was when she put her hand between my legs. I was very much hoping she would reward me but instead we left the hotel ten minutes later and the nice warm damp feeling was turned into it’s own torture by the cool autumn air.

We spent the afternoon shopping, at first we visited some very nice high end lingerie stores where Mistress chose a gorgeous and very expensive black teddy with cut outs in the side which she very graciously allowed me to buy for her. Then we went to a somewhat less high end lingerie store that could probably more accurately be described as a sex shop and picked out some underwear for me. A black lacy quarter cup bra (a bra that holds your boobs without really covering them) and a barely there g-string both made out of the cheapest material you can think of which Mistress also generously allowed me to pay for!

Mistress looked amazing in her new lingerie when we were getting ready for the evening, my underwear, if you could call it that, was…..unfortunate to say the least! The gave me a bit of cleavage but not much else and was generally uncomfortable, the g-string (basically a tiny strip of material that ran around my waist, down between my ass cheeks and between my lips ending in about an inch triangle of material) was very uncomfortable. It was so tight that it looked like it disappeared into my pussy and then magically reappeared at the top of my ass cheeks!

The meal out was lovely but uneventful aside from me feeling very self conscious of my pieced nipples being very visible through the top of my dress. However when we got back to the hotel and entered the lift (aka elevator) Fiona pulled a dog lead (aka dog leash) from her bag and attached it to my collar as I looked at her and my cheeks pinked slightly.

The doors opened and I followed her out but she stopped and without turning to look at me said ”that’s not how dogs walk”. I obviously knew what she meant and was also conscious of where we were and how public a setting it was as well, but what could I do? I knelt and then moved to an all fours position and as soon as I did Mistress continued walking at a pace that allowed me to crawl behind her and keep some slack in the lead, only bad dogs pull on the lead!

As I crawled along the corridor with my ass in the air and my dress riding up to expose the black floss running between my cheeks and lips our room seemed much further from the lifts that it had any of the previous times we had walked to it. It’s hard to describe the feeling of doing something so very publicly humiliating knowing anyone could walk out of one of the many rooms and exit the lifts and see you like that. There is a very heady mix of excitement and fear, a lot of fear, but also for someone in my position an inevitability because while, technically, I can say no in reality that was really never an option.

Looking up at Mistress from a position of submissiveness always gives me a particular feeling that I love, it’s a feeling of contentedness and belonging I guess and crawling along an expensive hotel corridor was no different despite the other feelings I describe above. I love her so much for so many reasons but a big one is that she knows how to make me feel….me! I guess it’s weird to imagine me feeling an overwhelming love for her whilst she is putting me in such a predicament but there you go.

We eventually reached the door but rather than going straight in she had me kneel in front of it whilst she lifted my dress over my head and placed the handle of the lead in my mouth, which I gripped obediently with my teeth. I watched her evil grin as the door closed behind her and couldn’t help but let a small smile spread across my lips before I was left basically naked kneeling in a hotel corridor.

My heart went into overdrive a minute later when a door between me and lifts opened and voices emerged. I kept my eyes trained on the light emanating from the bottom of our door whilst the voices rescinded towards the lift and just hoped they didn’t look back down the corridor, whether they did or not I’ll never know.

When the door opened again several minutes later Mistress was wearing just her new lingerie and after gently taking the lead’s handle from my mouth led me into the room. I’m going to keep what happened after that private but suffice to say that scissoring from a long time whilst only one of you is allowed to cum (and it’s not you) is physically and mentally exhausting. I fell asleep wet, horny and physically unsatisfied but very happy to have satiated my owner.

The next day after breakfast we had to pack and vacate the room but just before we did Mistress had me lean on a chair whilst she slid my knickers off and pushed a heavy metal plug into my ass. I didn’t know which plug it was at the time (we have many!) but this particular one says “OWNED BY MISTRESS FIONA” in pink letters on a black background on it’s head, I guess so that anyone who sees it knows who my asshole belongs to!

The Manchester Bee

We had a great time in Manchester, it is a lovely city that we found we really liked, load of nice bars and restaurants and our hotel was perfect. We did some fun play some of which we wouldn’t feel as comfortable doing closer to home and generally had a good time.

The only thing that took the shine off a little was at Piccadilly train station, Mistress saw a guy staring at me (which, btw guys, is sexual harassment in itself) and decided to possessively kiss me to let him know who I belonged to (clearly he hadn’t seen my plug!), his response to this was to shout “Fucking dykes” at us, which was as unpleasant as it sounds.

Brandy’s Predicament

Sorry I’ve not written in a little while, it’s been a busy time and it will likely be this way, periods of consistent writing and then gaps when I get busy at work or with Mistress. It’s better than nothing though right?

I have though finally managed to finish a story I’ve been thinking about for a while. It’s actually a sequel to a story I wrote years ago called “The Geek Slave” (terrible title I know!) and pretty much carries on from the cliffhanger that I intentionally left on that story.

Head over to The Fet Library to read the story and don’t forget to let me know what you think of it in the comments. You could also check out some of the other content from the other great authors that have content there.

Have a good weekend everyone x

Him

There is something that I have eluded to before on this blog but have never really talked about in detail and I feel like it is time to be open about it.

For years, since before I was with Fiona or even some of the other partners I’ve talked about, there has been a guy on and off in my life. I’ve spent many hours playing with him and he has brought me a great deal of enjoyment and pleasure, he’s even helped me feel better when I’ve been at some of my lowest moments, he gives me a guilty spark.

His name is John and he’s kind of a strong and silent type but is also very funny in a dry sort of way and has a presence about him that you could only call powerful and dominant, it’s definitely his personality that attracts me to him, well that and his deep and powerful voice. When we play together I feel excitement, exhilaration and despite some extremely frustrating moments there is always satisfaction in the end and I’m left wanting more.

Fiona doesn’t see the attraction at all and has sometimes limited my contact with him but she knows how much it means to me and in the end always allows me time with him, especially when I am stressed or need to let off some steam and just be “normal”.

For most of the time I’ve known him we haven’t played alone, he has a partner that used to play with us too but a few years ago she went her own way and I’m not sure what is going on with them now. Apparently they are getting together again later in the year so we’ll have to see where that goes but it’s not looking promising. I always thought they really cared for each other, she was always in his head but she often seemed blue and then the last few times we played she seemed to have gone a bit power mad and as far as I know they haven’t seen each other much since then.

Instead he started to bring a few other friends to our play sessions, another guy called Fred and then there are Linda and Kelly but John is always the one in charge and most of the time they do their own thing and it’s just me and John playing together. I wasn’t sure about it at first but enjoyed those sessions a lot although I definitely miss the days when it was just me, John, her and our Covenant.

The reason I am talking about this now is that I haven’t had any new sessions with John for a more than 117 days, more than 343 in fact. We were supposed to get together at the end of last year but because of covid that didn’t happen and instead it’s going to be around November time this year and I am very excited for it, apparently he has a new version of her in the picture. Mistress has allowed me a few days to just dive in and really invest some time in seeing how things are after all this time.

I don’t mind so much if Blue Team are along for the ride, but I’d really love to see John and Cortana reunited, fingers crossed!

Time to come back?

The last time I wrote a proper post I was about to get married and now we’ve just celebrated our two year anniversary!

And what a strange time it’s been! Fingers crossed we’re nearly done with it though, I’ve had one jab and it won’t be too long before I have my second one.

I’ve been thinking for a while that I’d quite like to get back to writing again, I’ve got no idea if anyone really looks here anymore or if it would be “successful” but I always found writing this blog fairly cathartic and very much enjoyed the back and forth in the comments and I miss that.

I was talking to a friend the other day (Slave Mila) and she encouraged me to get back into it and I told her about a little funny story that we thought might make a good post.

A few weeks ago I was reading a book when Mistress came into the room and told me to get up and follow her. I did and she lead me to the cupboard under the stairs and told me to get into the cupboard and stay there until morning!

I was kind of shocked, I wasn’t aware of having done anything to deserve a punishment but decided that rather than questioning it (and potentially getting myself in more trouble) I’d just go with it.

This cupboard is basically a dumping ground of stuff and all the floor space in it taken up with…well, stuff. I managed to get in and she immediately closed the door putting me into pitch darkness.

I just stood there for a few minutes kind of bewildered and then I tried to move some things around so I could at least sit down (I sat on a cardboard box which I later found out held a spare water thing for the coffee machine, and high I broke).

Time rolled on and I started to realise this Miss wasn’t coming back for me and I made some more space resigning myself to sleeping in the hot and cramped space.

I slept curled around the recycling bin with my head a bunch of carrier bags for a pillow (not my best idea, noisiest pillow ever!) and eventually in the morning the door opened and I found a cup of coffee writhing for me as I crawled out on all fours squinting at the bright light. I’d been in the cupboard for nearly twelve hours.

Mistress watched me crawl out from the breakfast bar with a wicked smile on her face and I joined her there. She enquired “sleep well?” and I replied “yes fine thanks, you?” (I don’t always like to give her the satisfaction!) and she just smiled.

Once I’d finished my coffee I ask “Are you going to tell me why you put me in the cupboard?”. Her reply was “No real reason, I was bored. I thought you’d come out to ask why and then I’d let you off but you didn’t so I just let you stay there.”

I realised that I hadn’t really thought about or worried about what I’d done to end up in the predicament, I’d just got on with it. I was kind of pleased with myself for that, also furious with Mistress!

This is a perfect example of how she loves to mess with me, she is the queen of the mind fuck and while I don’t always enjoy it at the time, it certainly keeps things interesting between us!

I hope you enjoyed this little insight into our married lives together tame though this tale may be. I’d love to hear from people in the comments and I’ll try and write some more soon x

This weekend

Today I am working from home, which I do quite often as my staff don’t disturb me at home unless it is something urgent and I can get through more work than I can in the office. However today Miss Fiona also decided she would work form home, but not from her home, from my home. In fact she is stood behind me watching me write this.

Ordinarily when I’m working from home I’ll wear something comfortable and completely unsexy, sorry, but today Miss Fiona….

OK, just in case you don’t look at my Tumblr blog and are unaware of this, I’ve been given a rule that I have to address her as Miss Fiona or Miss Fi, or Miss and have been failing terribly at maintaining that. In my defence if you aren’t used to doing so it is incredibly difficult to make referring to someone by a title as habit. As a punishment for failing she logged onto my Tumblr and submitted a full facial photo of me wearing a ball gag to someones blog who then posted it! I’m not going to tell you where it is because I don’t want it to be circulated anymore than it has been.

… today Miss Fiona decided what I should wear and after perusing my wardrobe and my drawers she decided on some old black stockings that I have that have the word “SLUT” written all over them in big white letters and a shelf bra, which for those who don’t know if a bra design to push your boobs up but that only covers up to just below your nipples thereby providing lift without hiding them. So I’ve spent the day virtually naked basically.

Every time I have made or received a phone call, so far five times, she come up behind me and wraps her arms around my body and kisses my neck and rubs her fingers between my legs which open instinctively. It’s very distracting and also frustrating because as soon as I finish the call she stops and goes back to her own work, so I’m pretty horny and my productivity is declining fast.

Tonight we have the house to ourselves so we’re going to relax, have some wine and see what happens, I’m looking forward to it!

Tomorrow I have a job to do, Miss Fiona has given me a job to do. She is leaving at around 8am as she has some things to do and at 9am someone is arriving, you might call them a pupil.

The pupil is the female submissive of one of Miss Fiona’s male friends who has decided that his “overly straight” sub needs to be trained to pleasure women as well as she does men and my job is to teach her how to pleasure a woman, namely myself! It sounds fun but it’s going to be very strange with a girl who is entirely straight and so won’t be turned on my any of it.

The day will end with a test, we both have to get dressed up and then Miss Fiona will take us to the Doms house so that his sub can show him her new skills by making another Dom’s sub cum in three different ways which are both pleasurable to the other girl and to the “audience”. If she fails then both of us will be punished.

So not your average weekend, it should be interesting if nothing else!

I got burned

Not in as in I was insulted, as in I literally got a burn on my arm from an air bag going off after someone drove into the front of my car the weekend before last. As you can see below, this is not the kind of injury my masochistic side enjoys.

This was at the end of a weekend that started out with significant promise but gradually deteriorated until it was in the same state as my car ended up, written off!

Lets go back to the start of the weekend, Friday night when, after showering, I spent an hour edging myself to make my pussy nice and wet prior to a date with Fiona just as she had told me to do.

I laid on my bed naked and pinched my nipples with one hand whilst rubbing the fingers of my other hand over my clit fantasising various different fantasies. Each time I felt my orgasm coming close I stopped and waited until it receded and then began again until my pussy was literally leaking onto the towel I had placed beneath me.

I kept going until I had just enough time to get ready, then I got dressed in a little black dress with bra but no underwear and did my hair and makeup before going downstairs and standing in the window to wait for her. She had text me to say she was setting off and that when she arrived she wanted to see me in the window with my hand up my dress on the verge of an orgasm.

I watched the taxi pull up as I stood in the window, the lights dimmed so I wasn’t too visible but just visible enough for her to see, with my dress pulled up at the front to reveal my slightly spread legs and my fingers circling my clit. When I was sure she had seen me I straightened my dress and headed out to the car.

As I climbed into the taxi I subtly pulled the back of my dress up so that when I sat down my bare ass went directly onto the seat rather than resting on my clothing, just as I had been told to. It felt dirty, putting my most intimate parts against that seat that had been sat on by a large number of strangers, it was a turn on. Fiona leaned over and kissed me deeply and passionately for a good ten seconds before sitting back down and saying “hi”. I glanced at the drivers mirror and saw him watching and blushed as he looked away and set off towards our destination.

I raised my eyebrows and said “hi to you too”, we’ve agreed not to use any titles or anything in a public setting. As we drove she placed her hand on my knee and then slowly moved it up my inner thigh, it was so unsubtle that it made me smirk until she got about two inches from my pussy and discovered how disgustingly wet I was and said “good girl” and I blushed and noticed the driver take another look at us in his mirror.

My hands were on the seat either side of me for the whole journey, submissive, inviting, just the way I was feeling. Her hand remained at the top of my thigh with her little finger just touching my bare pussy lips and slowly moving backwards and forwards stroking me. I was very conscious that her hand had pushed my dress up so that I was now essentially naked from the waist down but I was fairly sure the driver couldn’t see and no one outside would be able to.

When we arrived Fiona paid the driver and we got out, I pulled my dress down as I climbed out but if the driver had been looking he would have got a great view of my naked ass and I’ve no idea if he was looking or not. I do know that I left a wet patch on his seat which is disgusting but really was Fiona’s fault!

Our destination was a restaurant and we had a nice meal there, she asked me what I wanted and then ordered for both of us in quite a patronising way. She said “I’ll have the goat’s cheese to start and then the bream, she’ll have the calamari and the ravioli”, I wasn’t expecting it and when the girl looked at me as she wrote down my order all I could do was look back and sheepishly smile at her.

We talked about all sorts of normal things and then our starters came and we ate those, then as soon as the plates were cleared she said “I want you to cum for me before the mains come”. It took me by surprise and I just kind of looked at her incredulously and said “what, here?”. Her response was to just smile and nod and then she said “and if you fail you’ll earn something much worse”.

The table we were at was against a wall and it was a table for four with only two of us at it so it provided more cover than it could have, but I was still sat in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Despite that I was extremely horny and excited by what she wanted me to do so I slid my left hand (which was nearest the wall) between my legs and up my dress and began to rub on my already swollen clit.

I’m sure this is true for everyone, male and female, it’s hard to keep a normal face whilst masturbating. At the very least your mouth drops open and your eyes either lose focus or intently focus on one spot so to combat this I stared into Fiona’s eyes and bit my bottom lip, biting a little harder and narrowing my eyes each time the sensations forced me to react.

She watched me intently as I sat across from her masturbating in a restaurant and after a minute she said “don’t stop no matter what” and then seconds later a waiter appeared with our next round of drinks.

I didn’t stop, I definitely didn’t stop but I slowed my fingers enough that I could regain some composure and acknowledge that he was there and say thank you. It was my downfall, because my impending orgasm receded enough that despite my renewed efforts once he’d gone I was still trying to tease myself over the edge when Fiona said “stop” and then moments later our main courses arrived.

It was so frustrating, I hate edging, I hate the feeling of the ecstasy of an orgasm that was so close fading away into oblivion but I had no choice. I removed my fingers, straightened my dress again and picked up my fork. Fiona looked at me and tutted, then carried on as if nothing had happened.

We finished our food and drinks and Fiona asked for bill which she paid. Then she handed me the little wallet that the bill came in and gave me my punishment before walking out of the restaurant and calling a taxi.

I put a generous tip into the wallet and then wrote my name and phone number on a paper napkin that had come with my coffee, underneath my phone number I wrote “Call me x”. I took a deep breath and then with crimson cheeks I intercepted the waitress and handed her the wallet with the napkin on top of it.

The girl, who must have been at least six years younger than me, looked down at the wallet and napkin, then turned the napkin around and read it whilst I stood there like an idiot. As she read it her eyes widened and then she looked up blushing and said “oh, erm, thanks” and then quickly walked away into the kitchen.

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me as I almost ran outside to meet Fiona who’d been watching through the window and was now looking very amused. I said she was mean and she told me that maybe I’d do as I was told next time. As I climbed into the taxi I looked back through the window and saw the waitress looking at me, we both looked away when we made eye contact and then the taxi drove away.

We had previously agreed that I was going to stay at her house, a big step baring in mind how it ended last time I stayed over but with everything out in the open I was past thinking about that. I paid the taxi and followed her up to and through her front door, then she was on me.

She pinned me to the wall with her body kissing me and her hand was between my legs and I was grabbing her ass and it was just passionate vanilla horniness for a couple of minutes, then she pulled my dress over my head. When I tried to do the same for her she stepped back and wagged a finger at me smiling and said “wait there”.

She returned a minute later with handcuffs. She removed my bra and threw it on top of my dress then gently moved my hands behind my back and attached the cuffs to them, I put up absolutely no resistance, there is this feeling when you submit to another person, allow them to control you in a very physical way, that I just love. It takes me to a psychological place that I would just love to live in 24/7.

She held the cuffs with one hand and my hair with the other as she led me upstairs to her bedroom wearing only my heels. When we arrived she sat down on the bed with her legs spread and then pulled me down so I was sort of squatting with my pussy resting on her thigh, then she lent back on her arms and said “cum!”.

It was hot, she pushed with her toes to apply upwards pressure as I ground my pussy into her thigh until I found a good position just above her knee where the pressure on my clit was just right and then I let out a loud uninhibited moan as I came hard against her leg and my legs went wobbly and I collapsed forward into her arms.

She gave me a minute and then she pushed me down off her and onto the floor so that I could see the amount of wetness I’d left on her leg, so much that it had run around her thigh and down the sides of her calf. She told me to clean it, and I did.

I licked every part of her leg that had my mess on it, up her calves, over her knee and thigh, then I continued. A little brazenly for a submissive I licked up her inner thigh until I came to her pussy, which I discovered was as naked as mine had been all night, and then I began running my tongue up her slit and around her clit.

She enjoyed my attentions for about twenty minutes and then I moved it up a gear and with a handful of my hair in her fist she came on my mouth. Then, without hardly ten seconds to recover she yanked my head back and put her face right up close to mine and said “who the fuck said you could do that?”.

I have to admit I was a little shocked by the change of pace and to the reaction to me giving her pleasure. She stood up pulling me with her by my hair and undid my cuffs before saying “bent the fuck over Lois”. I did as I was told as she pulled open a large drawer under the bed, produced a long cane from it and held it to my mouth, I dutifully took the cane with my lips and held it tight.

She moved behind me whilst saying “If we are going to do this you need to relearn discipline, I won’t stand for you trying to take control or topping from the bottom. So you’ve earned yourself ten hard strokes from the cane. What do you have to say?”.

I stood there, legs straight, bent at the waist with my arms straight on the bed and my back slightly arched so my ass was pushed out with her juices drying on my face and tried to speak with the cane in my mouth but she slapped my ass hard and then grabbed the cane which I let go of. Then I said “Yes Miss, I’m sorry.”.

She slapped my other ass cheek and said “Sorry for what?” and then continued to slap each cheek in turn as I said “I’m sorry for trying to take control Miss”. The slaps weren’t too bad but hard enough that I could feel my ass starting to burn by the time she stopped, then she said “Count”.

It’s quite a while since I’ve been caned, properly caned and even when you’re used to it the sharp sudden pain of it is still significant and she didn’t hold back. I heard the cane cut through the air and then her first strike landed right in the middle of my ass and almost knocked me out of position but I maintained it as I sucked in air and took the pain.

The next strike hit about an inch below the first, the one that followed was an inch above the first and then one an inch below the second and finally one right at the top. She is clearly well practised with the cane, each one hit with the same force and I would find out later were perfectly on target.

I’m a sexual masochist, I enjoy pain. I’m turned on by people inflicting pain on me but that doesn’t mean other natural reactions to pain don’t apply to me as well. The swats were hard, my ass was burning and I had tears in my eyes by the time she finished the fifth one. We have discussed safe words already, I knew what to say to stop her but I wasn’t about to, my pussy welling up just as much as my eyes.

The next five felt as though the landed in exactly the same spots as the first five but afterwards, when she was cuddling me on the bed and she let me run my hands over my ass I discovered the first five had been done at an angle and the latter five the opposite angle so that the now raised red welts formed a pretty crisscross pattern across the pale skin of my ass.

I fell asleep in her arms but when I woke up in the middle of the night my arms were handcuffed behind my back again and a little achy, I can’t believe she managed to handcuff me without waking me. I just snuggled back up to her warm body and went back to sleep.

So that was all good, it was an amazing date and I left Fiona’s the next day feeling very happy. I chilled at home for a while laying on my bed (on my front because it was too sore to sit on my ass) and then I got undressed and went to take a shower, this is when things took an unexpected turn.

I was in the shower washing my hair, back to the door and my sister walks straight in, no knock, no warning, just walks straight in. I have no problem with my sister seeing me naked, it wouldn’t be the first time and I didn’t immediately think much of it until I heard her shout “WHAT THE FUCK?!” and I instinctively spun round and put my hands on my ass cheeks.

I finished my hair and got dry enough to put on a dressing gown (robe if you’re American?), I checked out my ass so I would know exactly what she’d seen, it was bad, the welts from the caning were bright red and covered my ass, I couldn’t think of a single plausible excuse for them.

When I went into my room she was sat on my bed waiting for me, for some reason I thought she would be angry but she wasn’t, she was concerned. She came over and hugged me and said “what the fuck happened to you? are you ok?” and I couldn’t help but giggle, which didn’t go down well!

There was no way to lie my way out of it and I really didn’t want to, it gets tiring hiding your real self from everyone and despite her very vanillaness she is my sister and if anyone will accept me for who I am she would. So I told her everything.

Well, not everything! I told her about BDSM (“What, bondage and stuff? Like Fifty Shades?”) and that I was submissive and a masochist and that the welts were from me getting caned. I left out why I got caned and I didn’t tell her about any of the more extreme or bizarre things I’ve done, I figured it was enough of a shock already. I did have to admit that Fiona, who she knew I’d been out with last night, was a Dominant and was responsible for the state of my ass.

The conversation was long and drawn out and went round in circles but I didn’t blame her and I answered everything honestly, it felt good to be completely honest with her even though she seemed horrified at times and angry at others. Eventually wine was involved which helped my ass feel a bit better after I’d been sat on it for hours pretending it wasn’t really sore!

Then the next day the crash happened and she was there ten minutes after it happened and was my big sister again and helped me and looked after me and no more was said about my illicit lifestyle for a good few days.

We’ve discussed it again since, she’s had more questions and she’s promised to keep it to herself but she seems to be coming to terms with it. We’ll see what happens I guess!

If you got this far please leave a comment, I really love reading and responding to them no matter what they are. Questions, suggestion, lewd insults! I just love conversing with the people who actually read what I write x

Bad girl

Like I say in this Tumblr post (which shows the messages hinted above) I used to be such a good submissive, the only time I addressed my Dominant incorrectly was when I wanted to get punished……OK maybe I wasn’t that good a sub!

I’m totally out of practice though, it’s been years since I’ve been submissive to someone for more than a session and I’m finding it quite difficult as you can see in the messages, this isn’t the first time I’ve slipped up since Fiona told me to address her as “Miss”.

I have a date with her tonight which I am quite looking forward to, and I just know I’m going to slip up with it, it’s already earned me five spanks and she’s threatened me with something a lot worse if I don’t behave later! I think she has realised that I quite like pain and she needs to be more creative if she is going to punish me and adjust my behaviour to her liking, which is a shame! lol

Tonight I’ve been told to wear a short dress which no underwear (classic!) and when she picks me up in the taxi I’m to make sure I’m wet and that my ass goes directly onto the seat, no fabric in between.

To be honest the being wet won’t be a problem as I’m almost always at least a little wet but I’ll think of something to get me a little closer to what she’s expecting before she picks me up.

The reason I’m so excited for tonight is that we are “playing”, we discussed it earlier and she is feeling just as horny as me today and she asked if I wanted to stay over. I was a little reticent at first baring in mind how that ended last time but then my horniness overruled my brain, thankfully.

She has been sending me pictures all day, a ball gag, clover clamps, a flogger, a cane, so…..yeah, I don’t think I’ll have any trouble being wet when she arrives!

Your favourite story

Now that I’ve released all of my old stories onto the blog I am curious to see which one is the favourite so that I know what is best to include in any future stories I write. So please cast your vote and use the comments to make any suggestions of comments you have about the stories.

Things with Fiona

I’ve not mentioned Fiona in a while and that’s mainly because things stalled somewhat after quite a promising start, well actually I guess it was a bit of a rocky start but then a good restart?

I wrote about one date we went on but there were a few others after that and I was feeling quite positive about things with her, we were talking a lot and we had sex once and that was when the problem arose.

I’m not sure why she chose that moment to reveal this piece of information but the morning after I’d stayed at her place she told me that she had a couple that she had played with regularly for over a year, she was Dominant to both of them and played a role in their relationship on a day to day basis, it was a significant commitment she had made.

I can’t really pinpoint the exact reason but this upset me more than it maybe should have, I made an excuse shortly afterwards and left. In hindsight that was a childish reaction and I should have talked to her about it there and then, instead I got into my car and drove home almost in tears.

I felt like she had grossly betrayed my trust and allowed things to go further than she should have without telling me, it felt like only telling me after we had slept together was manipulative and that she’d done it that way in order to make it harder for me leave once she’d told me and I was hurt that she was carrying on with me whilst “playing” with someone else behind my back.

I don’t know how much of that is rational or justified but I reacted badly to it, those who have following my blog for a while probably think that I react to things like this badly, you’re not alone, almost everyone who knows me thinks the same, I think the same. I blanked her for a week, ignoring her calls and texts, until she eventually turned up at my door.

Then we argued, she tried to explain that it had been going on for a long time before she met me, that it was about the control and not about sex and that she didn’t tell me for so long because she didn’t know where things were going with us yet and didn’t want to ruin things. I told her I didn’t care what she thought, she should have told me the truth from the start and especially before sleeping with me, I asked her “how am I supposed to trust you after you made me feel like I was special to you when clearly I’m not enough for you”.

Remembering it, writing about it, now actually makes me think about something else, someone else, and whether my upset and anger was really about what she’d done or whether it’s about someone else. Hmm….

Anyway, we didn’t speak for a while after that and it was about that time that I restarted plans for the fantasies which eventually led on to me organising the “Dogging week”. Regarding that, I will still be posting about all those, I’m over half way through writing about them but I promised to send them to the person who organised it for me first, after they have seen them I’ll post them I promise. ——————————->

You know when I mentioned I don’t react to things well? I think this is a perfect example of that, rather than talking about what was bothering me with someone, like Hannah for instance who knows us both and could possibly help, I engaged in various depraved acts with complete strangers. Although saying that it’s not like I don’t do things like that anyway so maybe it’s not that bad.

Anyway, it seemed like it was completely over and then out of the blue I get a message from Fiona asking me to meet her for a drink.

The thing about me is that when I get involved with someone I dive head first into it very quickly, I try not to every time but I think it’s just the way I’m made or something to do with my submissive nature or something, I don’t know, it’s definitely a flaw in my personality though because it gets me hurt every time. So I’d been missing her and agreed to meet her mainly because of that.

I met her at a bar and we sat at a table in the corner, it was awkward at first but then we both relaxed a little, I’d calmed down about it a lot by this point. She apologised for the way she handled the situation and explained that she had made a commitment to the couple and that she didn’t feel she could just drop them, especially before she knew where things were going with me. She said that she had spoken to the couple and told them about me and that she would possibly have to end things with them.

She was saying all the right things and it did make me feel good that she was willing to do that for me, I apologised for the way I reacted and agreed to think about what I wanted to do, if I wanted to resume things. When we parted I felt better, this was shortly before I went on holiday so we’d agreed to wait until I was home to talk again.

Since I’ve been home we’ve been on one date, it’s kind of like things have been reset back to when we first met, like our initial attempt at something never happened. I’m happy with where we are though, so we’ll see what happens.

By the way, if you’re wondering about the picture at the top, I’m not sure. I searched for “confused girl” or something and it came up and I liked it so…there you go!