I’ve mentioned on plenty of occasions how I believe my body betrays me at every available opportunity. To be honest I’m not entirely sure if it is my body itself or if it is my subconscious that is doing the betrayal and my body is just jumping on the band wagon or following orders, it’s hard to tell. It’s a little scary to be honest because I do think that my subconscious has a little too much control over my body.
Normal people leave bodily functions such as breathing and their heart pumping to the parts of their brain that can act without conscious thought and that is fine but I am starting to believe that my own version has slightly larger aspirations than just keeping me alive.
For those that don’t know what muscle memory is I’ll give a definition:
the ability to reproduce a particular movement without conscious thought, acquired as a result of frequent repetition of that movement.
So things like typing or driving use muscle memory heavily so that you don’t have to think about what your hands and feet are doing, you can just concentrate on what you’re writing or where you are going.
Over the past year or so Mistress has been teaching me, more like training me really, to act in the way that she wants. I relish this and take genuine pride in behaving how she expects with very little input required from her especially when I can see that it pleases her. I’ve mentioned before that she can tell me to open my legs and by the time my brain has registered what she has said my legs are already open and recently she told me why.
For months now every time she told me to open my legs (which is quite often by the way!) she has opened them for me as she said the words. Not before, not after but as she spoke the words she pulled my knees apart. I honestly didn’t notice at the time, I’ve long since become used to her touching me and moving my body and just accept it, and it never occurred to me that she was building an association in my subconscious between those words and that action.
Mistress also told me that there are other associations that she has built or is in the process of building in my brain but she refused to tell me what they are, she said it is none of my business. I’m not convinced that is technically true but anyway…
There are other things that I have learnt which are less ingrained but I still believe she has indoctrinated into me. For example if she points at the floor that is a subtle signal for me to kneel at her feet, if she points with the left hand I kneel on the left and vice versa. This sort of thing is very useful for her to assert her control in vanilla settings. At Christmas we were all at my mother’s house, Mistress sat on the sofa and subtly pointed at the floor in front of her. Despite there being several seats free I knelt by her legs much to the confusion of my mother who asked why I didn’t sit on a seat, I just replied that I liked it on the floor which fortunately she accepted without much argument.
Whilst kneeling isn’t something my body does without my input (thankfully!) there is a subconscious element to it. It’s not just following a predefined command, when I see her make that gesture I want to kneel there for her and there is a certain amount of compulsion for me to comply.
Anyway, this is all background and not the point of this post. The reason I went off on this tangent is to demonstrate that I, the neural pathways that constitute the Lois personality, cannot always be held responsible for my actions and therefore it is not my fault that I was awoken on Saturday morning by my own moans with two fingers pushed inside my dripping wet pussy!
Mistress was well and truly awake, propped up on her elbow and had been watching my unconscious masturbation for several minutes when I started to come around (pun intended!). Her first words to me that morning were “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”, which sounds mean but she did have a huge grin on her face when she said it.
I quickly pulled my hand out from under my slip but didn’t know what to do with it, my fingers were coated in juices. Mistress grabbed my hand and wiped my fingers over my face and then she jumped out of bed still holding my wrist and pulling me across it until I almost fell onto the floor out of her side.
I managed to get my feet on the floor and she pulled me around to the foot of the bed and bent me over to lean on it, I knew what was coming and in the hope of winning some favour I reached back and lifted my slip over my ass. This is Mistresses favourite punishment caning position.
In case you weren’t aware I have a bit of a masochist streak so getting whipped, cropped, paddled, flogged and caned isn’t usually an effective punishment or deterrent for me, In fact in less disciplined times I may have intentionally earned such “punishments” however they have usually started with maybe some flogging, then a few paddles and then once I’m warmed up the hot sting of the cane.
Mistresses punishment canings are somewhat different in that they begin with twenty or so full forced swats to my unprepared ass and then end. Whilst I’m usually wet when she’s finished (I refer you back to my opening statement regarding my bodies constant betrayals) they are definitely a punishment and neither the act itself nor trying to sit down at any point in the following few hours is enjoyable…….well maybe a tiny bit! Sssshhhh!
So my Saturday started with a bang, twenty bangs, but then the whole incident seemed to be forgotten. Mistress and I went to Miss Hannah’s house that evening (I may write about that later) and then had quite a relaxing Sunday. However that evening I learn the real punishment for my transgressions.
Mistress claims that this isn’t a punishment but rather an aid to assist in my training to be a better submissive and to control my “wanton sluttiness” better. Every night since Sunday at 10pm I have been locked in my chastity belt until 7am the next morning.
Apparently I have put on a little weight (although I am still within the narrow weight guidelines that Mistress has prescribed for me) because the belt feels quite tight, especially around my pussy which feels sort of “squashed” when I have the belt on. This is a custom-made, very effective chastity belt so it definitely preventing my wandering fingers in the night but it certainly doesn’t allow a comfortable sleep.
Mistress says that if I’m good I will only have to wear it a week but if “the issue” recurs then “we” might need to look at a longer term solution. She left it at that which kind of scares the crap out of me and leaves me massively turned on to be honest!
So, to you the jury, can I honestly be held responsible for the actions of my so-called subconscious? Is it really me who is culpable for the nocturnal masturbation’s of my unconscious body? Or should these charges be thrown out with prejudice?
The defence rests Your Honour.