Arguing with a Domme


Couples argue, it’s part of being in a relationship, I mean if you got along ALL of the time it would be boring. Those aren’t my words, they’re the words of a vanilla friend who’d fallen out with her boyfriend over something and nothing but I completely agree with her, arguments happen.

However I’m not in a vanilla relationship and if you were to go by some of the more misogynistic opinions on my Tumblr feed then my opinion, as a sub and even as a woman, doesn’t matter in the slightest. That’s fantasy though, I live in the real world.

In the real world I have a high stress job where I have to make decisions all day and my opinion is not only important but is sought by those beneath and above me in the company structure. All of which is sort of irrelevant because I’m not a submissive at work, I’m a submissive at home.

At home I’m subservient in nearly every way to my Mistress, she chooses what I wear, what I eat, what I buy and where I sleep. She chooses who I fuck! When you list it out like that it makes me sound like a mindless zombie just following orders and not thinking for myself but that’s also not true, I don’t just turn off my intelligence and opinions at the front door, it would drive me insane if my opinion was never considered when decisions are made that effect me.

One of the things I love about my Mistress is that she always listens to my opinion, I get to have an input on most things because she values my opinion and in fact she has told me on more than one occasion that my intelligence is one of the things that she finds most attractive about me. At the end of the day Mistress is the one who makes the decisions but the fact that I’ve had an input is important, I don’t think I could be with someone who wanted to run my life for me unilaterally despite how appealing it may sound as a fantasy.

I feel I got sidetracked! The point of the post is that despite our dynamic it’s not all me following orders and her telling me what to do and what to think. Tonight, we had both had a challenging day at work and were a bit…tetchy, a small thing set us off. I was making our evening meal when she came in and poured herself some orange juice and left the bottle on the side, I picked it up and put it back before somewhat vigorously closing the fridge door and things escalated a bit from there.

Was it an overreaction caused by being tired? Probably. Was it unreasonable for me to expect her to put the bottle away rather than making more work for me (the person who tidies the whole house)? No (Her words). Did we both react badly and say unnecessary things? Yes. Did I get caned afterwards? Yes, but not for arguing, that was mutual and Mistress would never punish me for raising an issue with her, the caning was for “slamming the fridge door like a petulant child” or in other words, for being disrespectful to my Mistress. Which is fair enough, my discomfort when sitting today will hopefully pop back into my mind when I feel the need to act that way again.

This is a meandering rant of a post so for that I apologise. I think the point I am trying to make is that whilst we have a slightly less common dynamic than is “normal” and the balance of authority is asymmetrical, we are still a normal couple with equal importance and meaning in the relationship, I think that is something that is often lost amongst all of the bluster and fantasy of D/s relationships.


9 thoughts on “Arguing with a Domme

  1. masterjohn130

    I never understand why some seem to feel the perfect sub/slave is a brainless robot who carries out any and every order no complaint or thought against it.
    The real world always comes first no matter how much you might wish it not to and with that there are going to be times your tired and frustrated and not as tolerant of one another as you normally would be.
    Will despite you being punished stop you from acting that way some other time probably not but then we are human not some mindless robot

      • masterjohn130

        Neither have I to be honest in real life some online on the other hand rather worry me at times.
        When slave and I first started out on this journey we sought out advice on how to go about things and we made the mistake of listening to the idiots that handed us this huge book of rules. Eagerly we read through those pages thinking we was learning the secrets to a long and happy life as Master and slave.

        3 days later that book was thrown into the sea and the top of my head had to be sewn back on to stop my brain popping out like the cuckoo from a clock as I was driven so mad with boredom I almost threw myself in with the book. I don’t understand what pleasure you get from having a mindless automaton at your command but neither of us gained any from it.

  2. Dominic the French Collector

    One of the best thing in your relationship is the high intelligence and respect of both partners. Thank you dearly for sharing your dynamic with us.

    And, yes, mindless submission would be an horror! I cannot imagine what would be being sidetracked by someone who rules as a tyrant in a relationship; or even worse, to be with someone without initiative that follows every aspect in life as a numb sheep. Decisions in a couple are made by two, and argues come and go.

    Except in my marriage. My lovely wife is always right. Even when she’s not XD.

    (Just a joke, but it’s true that she is quite strongheaded and I have to be quite comprehensive, explain her my point of view and then we giggle and take the best decision)

  3. IflyHG

    Minor point, I suspect you meant that the balance of authority is asymmetric, not asynchronous. This is me being too picky about words. One of the issues I have with much of fantasy writing is how completely ridiculous it is on it’s face. I realize for anything like this, watching a movie or reading fiction, it is necessary to suspend disbelief. I am able to enjoy a James Bond or Star Wars movie because I have chosen to suspend disbelief and enjoy the story but also because the stories are at least somewhat plausible within their framework.

    One of the things that attracts me to your blog is that you and Fiona are real people, living real lives. Everything about you has depth and complication and messiness, even your scenes, and that comes through in your blog posts. When people post comments about how they would do this or that extreme (and in my opinion completely and ridiculously beyond the pale) thing to you it completely turns me off. I can’t get past my unwillingness to suspend disbelief. I just can’t imagine how either having a full time slave or being a full time slave, with all that is implied, would be fun or fulfilling for more than a few moments. The rolls are flat, paper thin, no depth.

    Thanks again for sharing a moment of your lives and how the two of you managed that moment. Enjoyable as always.

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