Busy week


So I’ve started to try and update my blog a bit more and have been a little more active on my Tumblr as well. This is something I am going to try and maintain although updates likely won’t always be as frequent as this in all honesty. I’ll likely update when I have something worth writing going on in my life.

Right now, no such thing exists in my sex life (but keep posted because Saturday promises to be interesting!) but I’ve managed to put myself in a massively awkward position emotionally so I thought I’d write about that. Some people have expressed an interest in me writing about none sex stuff so hopefully this will be worth reading but if you are only interested in reading about my sexual exploits this is going to be a disappointing post for you!

Still here? OK. I wrote a post the other day which digressed into a bit of rant about my ex girlfriend and Mistress Kayleigh whom I broke up with in December 2012 following which I made several questionable choices in regards to my sex life. I met Kayleigh at a New Years Eve party at the end of 2011, beginning of 2012 so we weren’t actually together that long but they were some of the best months of my life and I fell head over heels in love with her, then she broke up with me.

I’ve done plenty of playing and had relationships of a sort with various people since then but I’ve stayed away from becoming to connected with anyone and have focused my life mainly on my career, which has paid off quite nicely career wise but in recent months I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely and nothing I’ve done to abate that has been successful.

Through writing the post the other day I started to think about Kayleigh, a lot, looking at pictures of us together, reading letters she’d sent me, reading back my blog entries about the two of us and I came to the conclusion that, unbelievably after so long, I’m still in love with her.

Once I came to this conclusion I spoke to several people about it, vanilla friends, kink friends, online friends, even my sister (who is currently living with me) and the consensus amongst all of them was pretty much “let it go, it’s been too long and she’s not good for you”, my Domme friend Hannah (who put me in the chastity belt for three months) went as far as to say she is “toxic” for me.

So last night I text Kayleigh and told her I was still in love with her and that I think she is my soul mate and I desperately want her back.

That was over seventeen hours ago and so far I’ve heard nothing back. I feel horrendous, I barely slept and I’ve checked my phone every few minutes since I sent the message, I’ve even reset it a couple of times just in case it wasn’t working. I have no idea whether I’m glad I sent it or not, right now I just wish she’d reply!

So anyway, that’s where I am right now, on the verge of either crying or exploding, or, possibly, happiness?

10 thoughts on “Busy week

  1. jeeprat

    You got all sorts of advise and you did the opposite !!! I would say that you need a good spanking but I guess that’s not going to work for you in this case ……good luck I hope thing work out for you

  2. mysterjohn

    I think you are just desperately alone. Both physically and mentally. When you are in such a situation the old good times seem to be SO GOOD!
    Reality is that she broke with you: that means she was angry with you for some reason or she felt bored in your relationship.
    I’m sure you could easily find another owner if you just wanted. You did not. Because you were worried about clearing up the memory of your Miss. Because you don’t want to. But you have to, if you want come back to life. IMHO, of course

  3. Simon

    Arrrh Lois we have all been there and I am guilty of a similar transgression myself,sending a text to an ex I knew would be in the area…… just in case….
    Truthfullly I was not expected a response but that didn’t stop be from hoping. The only comfort I can give you, and it is a lame addage I know, time does heal. You will be able to think of her (and you will always thinks of her) with pleasure without the pain that comes with such thoughts now. There will always be a pull, an ache, a twang but it is something one can live with.
    When the time is right for you to move on, you will. You will decide its time or a special someone will come into your life and you start to live again.
    Until then seek to do those things you enjoy (and I am not necessilary talking about BDSM here) Movies, Theatre, Concerts, Holidays. You have friends and a sister to enjoy with so do those things and let everything else take care of itself for a time.
    The one thing you will not want to hear, and again I speak from experience – the best and perhaps only way for you to heal and be able to move on is NOT to see Kayleigh, as hard, perhaps impossible as that will be should she text or drop by, if she was ever any friend to you, she needs to leave you be or get back together again, the casual in between is not fair to you.

  4. Kayleigh

    Further to my text, I don’t appreciate how you’ve made me look on here. I’ve never used you, you have always been a willing participant in everything we have done together and have never once told me as much as you have shared with these strangers on here.

    To Lois’ fans, with all due respect, before you judge me try and remember that there are two sides to every story.


    • Sir R

      I don’t think you’ve been made to look bad on here Kayleigh.

      Just order the girl to be your slave and have another lover as well!

    • Lois

      I didn’t mean to make you look bad I was just trying to express how I was feeling whilst mentally imploding. You know how I get x I’m sorry!

  5. Philip Korkus (@philip_korkus)

    Working at times in my career, both as a divorce lawyer and defense attorney, the one thing you can take to the bank is that, yes, there are 2 sides to a story! All of us here don’t know Lois or Kayleigh, and we certainly don’t know the intricacies of their personal lives. So, none of us can give advice. We can only lend support.

    I’ve followed along with Lois for several years now on your various sites, and at times laughed with you and like now, shared a tear with you. You have no idea how precious you are to your friends & fans. We’ve vicariously lived out our dark desires along side with you. To me, as an on again, off again Master, you are the slave and slut I’ve dreamed to own. Probably every Mistress & Master here, feels as I do. How you put your heart, soul and body into your submission, is so deliciously erotic and beautiful. Even magical. So, from a selfish point of view, I hope the love of your life takes you back as Her pet. Your posts would be filled with so much passion, lust and love, that it would be, for me, the highlight of the week.

    From following you, I suspect Kayleigh was your first true love. Do we ever gorget our first love? You can’t love anyone that way, more than just once in a lifetime. Something about a first love that defies any other. Before it, your heart is blank…unwritten. After, the walls of your heart are left inscribed and marked. Yet, Lois, sooner or later, if it’s not meant to be, you’ll find that there’s space for someone else – between the lines and in the margins.

    I don’t agree with some here who feel the relationship is or was, toxic. What it was, was “love”. Love is an odd fever. One that longs for that which caused it. There is no cure. One can only manage the symptoms. Better yet, both of you give in to those feelings of love. Embrace it. Own it. Give in to it. Something tells me both of you were meant to be “one”. Owner & property! Mistress & slave! Time will tell, but we’re all rooting for both of you.

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